Pictures

On Tuesday, we went on a really cool field trip. We went to a local river and some aquatic biologists taught the kids all about how they catch and study fish, crawdads, and insects. The kids got to get into the river and catch things and then look at them under the microscope.
Everyone was having so much fun. The little kids got to scoop things out with fish nets while the bigger kids used the more sophisticated nets.
Poor Zachy though, he was in the water, and a crawdad thought his toe looked yummy and clamped right down on it. Poor baby. Everyone was having a gay time and Zachy was screaming cause it hurt so bad. It broke his toenail. He wouldn't set foot in the river after that. He was wearing sandals, but his little toe was just sticking out there.
You will notice there are very few pictures of Matthew. That is because he was in the older kid group and they got in the water and went on the other side of an island. The island had grass that was a million feet tall and you couldn't see the other side. Therefore, no pictures of him. He had an absolute blast though. It's nice to see him come out of his shell.
I also have to add that the biologists were so glad to do this field trip. You see, normally they do public school kids, who can't get in the water. They were excited to be able to take the kids in the water and let them do this themselves.




Zachy is always collecting things. Including berries from this tree.


Dillon got to hold one of the big nets!



Zachy and Collin learning about life in the water.



A fish that Dillon caught. They were told that this was not a native fish, and did not belong in this river, so it was ok if died while they passed it around!!



Emmie wanted in on the fun. She later tried to drink this water!

Peculiar

Zachy has a white round circle on his cheek.
Every year it is there when he gets tanned. It just doesn't tan. In the winter months, you don't notice it because his tan goes away.
It is in the same spot that the adhesive was put to hold in his O2 tube and later feeding tube when he was in the hospital as a newborn.
My theory is that it scarred in a way. But it doesn't look like a scar. It just doesn't tan. It's quite strange indeed.
Here is a picture. I changed the color so it was more obvious, he isn't really that color! It's just that in regular pictures it's a bit hard to see.


Here's the original, thought I'd include it so you can see how good his scar is looking.

Dumpy

I'm kind of feeling down in the dumps this afternoon.
I don't know why.
I miss Matt.
It's hot and the kids are bored. I can't take them to the pool. Last time we tried that the lifegaurd came flying off her perch into the water after Zachy. He was fine, but when she glanced at him she thought he was struggling. My friend and I were yelling, "what's wrong? Who's drowning" Had no idea she was headed for Zachy who was perfectly fine. Scared him to death though, cause she hauled him out of the pool asking him over and over if he was ok. I actually had to file an incident report about it, and the teen lifeguards kept saying, "wow, it's such a good thing we had that training this morning" I think they were on overdrive.
At any rate, it's not something I want a repeat of, so we'll stay home until Matt gets home.
Maybe we should go get a slip and slide or some such thing. It's just hot.
I wish Matt would hurry up and be home. :-(

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I am so very tired. I could collapse right here, right now.
But there are still five kids awake.
We had a meeting at church that ended up lasting for 3 hours. oy.
Everyone's hungry, so having a snack at almost 10 o'clock.
To quote Matthew, "we've been up a lot the last couple of days, I'm TIRED"
Yes indeed, we have been. And I think we are all just poopity pooped.

Safe and sound

Matt just called me and he has arrived. Safe and sound.
He sounded so tired and frustrated. It was a long, long day of traveling for him. Most of it quite uncomfortable travel.
But he's there. And he's safe. And really, that's all that matters.
I already miss him so much. I'm such a loser. :-(

Doing the single mom thing

This morning we were up at 3 AM to drive Matt to the airport.
As I type this, he is on his way to Honduras. Far, far away from here.
He got to Miami to be told their flight to Honduras had been cancelled. When I talked to him, he was talking about the possibility of having to spend the night in Miami. The next time I talked to him, he was telling me they were getting ready to board the plane to Honduras. Only to a different town. Where they would then be bussed to the original destination.
We have already discussed another bus trip he will make while there (to the ruins) and how funny it would be if there were chickens and whatnot on the bus. So, I should hear by tonight how the bus system is in Honduras.
I told him I was going to lose five pounds while he was gone. He said he would too. I asked him if he meant from sweating so much, and he told me no. He said he would be too afraid to eat anything there! He's been told of their taste for guinea pig there. Since we've owned several piggies in the past, this turns our stomachs. Not that he'd want to eat a piggie anyway. So, he's nervous about what will be served in this foreign land.
He'll do great though.
When I met him, he had been on an airplane once, I think. And hadn't really traveled that much.
Since joining the military, he's become quite the world traveler! Too bad he doesn't bring us with him!
And so, for the next two weeks, I'm doing the single mom gig. At least it isn't like last time when he was gone for 8 weeks. We'll survive, somehow. Little Miss Em has been quite the handful the last couple of weeks. I'd like to think it's her teeth, but who really knows. I can feel the outline of one of her bottom molars, but I've felt it for weeks. The stupid thing will not come through. It may be getting close, because the last 3 days have been especially pleasant. Note the sarcasm! She has screamed so much that her little face gets red and splotchy. Something that hasn't happened for quite some time. And she pushes everything away from her. Her appetite has been low as well.
Oh the joys of being a baby! Poor thing.
I still have those great posts in my head, and sometime I'll get them out.
For now though, I'll leave you with a Collinism.
We've been going to the pool for several days since last week. The second day we were there, Collin kept asking me why it was deeper than last time. I was stumped. Nothing I said seemed to satisfy him.
Suddenly, he yelled, 'mommy!!! I know why it's deeper!!"
"you do?? Why??"
"Because I'm not standing on my tippie toes today!!"
Yep, that will do it!

I just need some time

I have some good blog posts rolling around in this old head of mine. I just do not have the time to sit down and get them out.
It's been a very difficult time with Emily lately. She's cutting molars. I think they are almost through. I certainly hope so.
Until they are through and I have some time, the posts will have to remain in my head. Sorry!

Gettin fit

Yesterday, Matt surprised me with a Wii Fit. Good heavens is that thing keeping us entertained!
Matthew has already put 60 minutes into his Fit Bank today. Which is a silly little piggy bank that tells you how many minutes you've exercised.
Dillon is currently using it, even though he has a fever and a headache. He's had some meds, so he thinks he is well enough to do basic step aerobics. Crazy kid.
Matt did tons last night, and later I worked up a good sweat in 30 minutes.
My problem is that Emily has a sensor that senses when I'm doing something. For instance, she can be totally fine and happy playing, and then when I sit down at the computer she comes crying to me to hold her. It's the same with anything Wii related. She's fine, I pick up a remote and she's crying. So this could prove to be a challenge. Last night I had to wait until she was asleep, but then I'm too awake to be able to sleep.
I currently have a goal to lose 22 pounds in 3 months. That's the most and longest it would let me do. I have so much more to lose, but that's as far as it would go. I'm not off to a good start since today it told me my weight was up from last night. Phooey on it!
Ok I'm off to go hula hoop while Emmie is happy.

SCORE!

Today is the annual half off sale at the thrift store chain here.
I was there before opening and there was already a crowd!! INSANE!
Anyway, I got 11 pairs of jeans for the boys, 4 pairs of denim shorts (one pair for each boy), 2 pairs of jammie pants for Collin, 4 church dresses for Emmie, 4 dress shirts for the boys, a hat for Zachy, a book for Dillon, and 5 other shirts for the boys. All in great condition and all for $53!!!! WOOOHOO!!! When I was checking out, there were two men arguing over who got my cart!! CRAZY!!!
I think thrift shopping is not only economical but also great for the environment!

Be still my beating heart

We took the kiddies to the shoe store this evening. Dillon is forever telling me he needs new tennis shoes.
They asked if we needed anyone measured, and we thought, 'what the heck, we'll measure everyone'
She pulls out the kid foot measuring contraption and starts measuring. When Matthew put his clod hopper on the cold metal, she said, "oh, you need the adult measurer". I had been walking away when I heard, "adult". I whipped back around and said, "what did you just say?!"
She then grinned at me and said, "yep, men's size seven"
I asked if she was sure, and she said she was.
I nearly fainted.
It seems like yesterday that they told me he was no longer in toddler sizes, how in the world can he be in adult sizes??
And then, to top things off. I tried on a men's size seven imitation croc and to my dismay, it fit! It was a bit snug, but it fit.
A couple of days ago, I was marveling at how little Em's hands still are. I called Matthew into the room to measure his hands. I told him that his hands were just the size of Em's. Soon, they'll be enveloping my hands.
He says he can't wait for his growth spurt. I can. Babies grow up way too fast.

Today

I just got home from having a pedicure. Oh sweet relaxation.
I told Matt that he needs to encourage me to do this more often, because I always talk myself out of spending money on myself. But how refreshing it was.
Now we are getting ready to leave. Matt is taking our eldest kids and three kids from church to see Prince Caspian. I'm taking my three little ones to the mall to get some more webkinz and to play and to get ice cream.
Should be fun for everyone!

Horrible thought

Last night, as I was tickling Zachy I was hit with this thought.
He has a machine. A machine that tells his heart to beat.
And I suddenly got sick, as I thought, "what if something happens to him?"
It's probably not likely that anything tragic will happen to him regarding his heart, but still.
A machine tells his heart to beat.
I couldn't bear to lose him.

Oh that Happy post again

I have numerous pictures on my camera. But I am at the mercy of Matt to get those on my computer. He wonders why I even have to do a happy post. I tell him I don't have to, but that I want to so I can be reminded of the positive.
Right now, I can tell you that yesterday Matthew had a really great appointment with a new nuerologist. We will be redoing his MRI in 6 months to a year because there is a questionable spot somewhere on the right side of his brain. I so cannot remember where or what exactly the doctor said. I used to obsess about new findings, it must be saying something that I can totally forget what was said! This doctor actually seems to care, which is such a breath of fresh air. He is concerned about the mass filling Matthew's nose. Says the ENTs must look at it and discuss it. We saw ENT two weeks ago, and he said nothing about it. We see a different ENT in June. He will be setting us up with the craniofacial clinic here on base. Finally. After three years here, we are getting somewhere.
This all makes me happy, so we can just consider this my happy post!

Dairy Allergy?

I think Emmie might have a dairy allergy.
At first I was leaning more towards chocolate, because she always spits up after she has chocolate. But last night, she had ice cream, and that came up too. I wonder if it is the milk in milk chocolate.
Interestingly, cheese doesn't do this to her. But it could be because she doesn't ever consume enough cheese. She drinks soy milk, so I don't know about regular milk. I'm going to buy some soy ice cream tonight and see if anything happens. Maybe it's sugar!

My little koala

Collin is our little koala bear.
If you happen to be laying on your side, he will surely lay on top of you, wrapping his arms and legs around you. He loves this.
I told him last night that if there is ever a webkinz* koala bear, I'm buying it for him. He told me that it might cost too much money. I told him I didn't care, my koala Collin needs a koala of his own.
I know that he is going to outgrow this very soon, so I cherish every koala hug from him.

* I know there are many other types of koalas I could get him, but for now, the webkinz are huge in this house, so that's what I said.

I may need a vacation

Seriously folks, I am beat. Totally and completely wiped out.
I don't know why.
I don't have it in me to do much of anything. I am totally and completely dreading VBS this year, and if it were up to just me, I wouldn't do it. But alas, Matt is in on it too, so we will do it. And I know we'll be glad we did, but right now, I don't wanna!
In the last three years, I have spent one night in Houston, and a couple of very stressful nights up in the Dallas area. That weekend near Dallas was not relaxing one bit.
I'm thinking that maybe if we just got away for a weekend, I could just rest. But, that isn't going to happen.
We have commitments the next two weekends and the next weekend Matt leaves for Honduras. Writing that almost sends me to tears. I am so, so tired. He can't leave me for two weeks to deal with VBS on my own. As soon as he comes home it is time to have VBS.
We are going to Missouri at the beginning of August, but I'm not sure I will survive that long.
In case you aren't up to speed with our plans, we were going to take a month off and go up north. But alas, Matt couldn't get longer than a week off of work. My bil and sil are moving to Missouri. We are going up to help unload their truck and to see family. My mil and fil are helping them move, and Matt's grandma and Aunt are coming down too. So we will spend our vacation seeing his family. I'm glad that we will at least get to see half our family.
But, will I last that long?

A New Era

My kids are really into webkinz lately. They love them so much. And so do all the other kids at church.
They spend lots of time chatting online and playing games with each other.
In addition, my phone rings all the time. And it's no longer for me. It's always for the boys.
How did this happen? How are my kids suddenly this old?
Where has the time gone?

Happy mother's day

To all the mom's out, and especially the ones in my life, happy mother's day.

I know I missed my happy post yesterday, but I am determined to do it. We reformatted our computer some time ago, and now I don't know how to upload my pictures, so I always have to wait on Matt.

We are going to Sea World today to celebrate me..hehe...actually, to celebrate my kids who made me a mom. Without them, I'd just be plain old Bekki. Because of them I get to be "the best mom ever".

Why'd I have to ask??

Do you ever say something, or ask a question, and immediately wish you hadn't done it?
I did. Today. Only it wasn't immediate. It was after the answer was given that I realized I really didn't want to know. Too late. Now I have to deal with my feelings about it.
Zachy had an appointment with his electrophysiologist today. The good great news is that he was able to lower the energies of his pacemaker significantly. The machine says that with these settings his battery should last eight years. Which is a huge improvement over 3-6 years. The doctor said he was sure it'd last until he was ten, probably longer. Praise the Lord. Turns out, his leads were placed in a prime position that requires less energy to be used to let the heart know to beat. If you ask me, God was in control of that. You see, the doctor struggled with getting the leads placed. His right atrium was full of scar tissue from his previous surgery. So to have them placed right where they should be..none other than God.
And then, I asked him. I asked him what Zachy's life expectancy was. Because no one has ever told us. Because really, kids with TAPVR are just now starting to live into adulthood, so it's really an unknown. But based on his repair, and now the pacemaker the doctor said he should live into his 50's or 60's. And this is really going on having a pacemaker, not really taking into account the TAPVR.

This isn't long enough.

I know nothing is certain. I know that. And I also know how blessed we are to be able to raise him into adulthood, when so many other parents don't get that. But still. I'm sad.
I just need to process this. Then I can move on, and focus on the good.
The doctor told us that he fully expects there to be better technology in Zachy's life that could greatly extend his life. And I believe that. I just need to get through this right now. The possibility.
And I'm not sad for us. I'm sad for his wife, his children, his grandchildren. How much they will miss out on a wonderful person.
I know it's not the end. I have faith in a wonderful God who doesn't want His children to hurt. Someday, all of this will be of no matter. And that's what truly matters.
Like I said, I just need to process all of this so I can move on.

Zachism

Walking into the mall today, Zachy said to us, "when we get another sister, she will be mine"
Ummmm..ok?

Wow

Oh man, I would LOVE one of these.
Win a Free Ergo Baby Carrier from Along for the Ride

Outta the mouths of babes

Zachy: When are we going to Heaven?

Me: When Jesus comes back to get us.

Zachy: But that will take forever

Me: It may take awhile, but He promised He will be back to get us.

Collin: Yeah Zachy, He has to wait because he is busy making lots of animals for us!

Zachy: How will He get here??

Collin: On a cloud

Zachy: Ohhhh on a ladder cloud!!

Happy Thoughts

Tomorrow is my mom's birthday. She makes me very happy! I couldn't ask for a better mom or grandma for my kids. Would you believe that she's only 19??



I'm looking to get more diapers, and I'm looking into these. I have a wonderful on line friend who is sending me one of hers to try out. I'm very happy to have such wonderful friends!



This pacemaker that has given life back to Zachy makes me happy indeed. No regrets at all about getting it. The spark of life is back!



Being able to spend time together as a family..on a regular basis. It hasn't always been like this, and I don't take a minute for granted.




I've lost 5 pounds...FINALLY

Always be Prepared

As a prelude to this story, I have to tell you that Zachy is a stasher. He stashes goodies anywhere he can think of. If something is missing, we ask him, and off he'll trot to where he stashed it.
It is not uncommon for him to ask if he can bring assorted items with us in the car. We usually say yes, and don't pay much attention to what it is.
Yesterday, we decided to head to Six Flags. As usual, Zachy said, "can I bring stuff?" I told him that he could, and thought nothing more of it.
Whilst in the park, Dillon went running, caught the toe of his sandal on the ground and took a dive. Skinned up his knees and hands. We were looking at his wounds and asking if he was ok, not paying any attention to Zach. All of a sudden, he was beside us, with a first aid kit! He was declaring, "OH! I have bandaids!!" We were so surprised that he brought stuff from the van into the stroller. We figured everything stayed behind. We were so greatful that he happened to stash a first aid kit with him.
He also brought hand sanitizer and ice breakers, because you never know when you need clean hands and a clean mouth!

Happy Thoughts

I absolutely love having a clothesline. It is actually one of my favorite parts of my house. I've waited many years to have a clothesline. Silly, I know. But you should see little diapers on a line..soooo cute!



This little eye drop has lowered the pressure in Matthew's eye from 48 to 22. Yes, this makes me very, very happy.



Just one way we are trying to leave a smaller footprint on the earth. Earth day made me happy! This bag is full of other cloth bags, waiting to go back in the van.



Herbs! Growing in my window sill. Only not anymore. As of today they are in bigger pots outside. Matt is growing these because he loves to cook us yummy food, and got tired of paying big bucks for these herbs.




Dillon is studying birds. I don't know if you can see it, but there are three bird feeders in this picture. Another one is in another branch, and we have one on the window behind the herbs that the birds haven't discovered yet. We have very happy birds around here. Maybe next week I'll get a picture of the birds, and not just the feeders!

No easy feat

I haven't mentioned it here, because I really hate being a gigantic loser in front of everyone, but I'm trying to lose weight.
I've been watching what I eat, and I've been exercising on a fairly regular basis. I've been going to the gym at night, by my lonesome, to try and work some of this fat off.
I thought I was doing well. I was down four pounds. Finally headed in the right direction.
Then today, I weighed. All four of those pounds are back. And I'm right back where I started.
I hate this. I hate trying so hard, thinking about it so much, for nothing. Zip. Nada. Zilch. I hate it.
And I'm just having a bad day in general, so it probably doesn't help me at all. I just want to quit. Go eat some ice cream.
I hate this. *sob*

La dee dah

The kids are all outside playing. Taking a break from school work.
And I should really be cleaning up, because my house looks like a tornado just blew through. But, I don't want to.
I'm feeling lazy right now. Emmie hasn't napped well for the last couple of days. Usually, I'm able to get most of my cleaning up done while she sleeps, but not lately.
Today, Matthew has learned how to do his laundry. Dillon is next. They really wanted a raise in their allowance, so they have to pick up some of the slack.
OK, I'm off to do something productive.

Just Pray

Since American Idol did America Gives Back, and several other bloggers went on a
Compassion trip, I've been seeing many bloggers talking about sponsoring children. I've wondered what God would want us to do. We are trying hard to pay off all our debts, and we are finally succeeding. And I feel God wants us to continue on that path and not add any bills. So where does that leave sponsoring a child? And then there is my own hang ups with sponsoring. I know they are irrational, but I wonder where our money goes. Does it really go to help the children? I know that Compassion is legit, but so is the American Heart Association, and only one penny of every dollar they raise goes to congenital heart defect research. I know that strokes and heart attacks are also very important, but the way I see it, usually those things happen to elderly people, who have had a chance to live life. CHDs happen to babies, who haven't had that chance. They deserve that chance. But I digress..I'm going down the wrong path for this post.
I've been wrestling in my mind about all of this.
And then, this morning, at 4 am, I was wide awake. And that Still Small Voice was telling me to just pray. To pull out maps, and choose impovershed countries and teach my children about them, and to pray for them. Because, even if we aren't giving monetarily, praying is just as valuable.
But, I argued with God. I said, "just pray? That's it??" You see, we had watched Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium a few nights ago, and there was an accountant. They called him Mutant because surely accountant meant a cross between a counter and a mutant. Mutant was a "just" man. As in, it was just a toy store. Only every one else could see the magic that the store held. So I felt like it was just prayer. But the voice gently nudged and said, "oh no, not just prayer. Because prayer is more magical than that" And yes, I do know that prayer is not magical, but do you get my drift? It is more than just a prayer. Prayer changes things. And if all we can do is pray, then that is enough. More than enough.
Somewhere, I have a nice laminated map of the world. I cannot find it though. I remember it last in a house we lived in 4 houses ago, so it may be long gone. But we are going to get a map out, and choose countries. We will learn about the people there, and their struggles. And we will pray. Earnestly pray. And that's more than enough, for now.

Happy Thoughts

Jenni, over at One Thing, lists 5 things, every Friday, that make her happy.
I think it is so great to reflect on the good things in life, and so I'm stealing her idea. Hopefully, she won't mind!
This week is pretty obvious..but it's what makes me the happiest, so it gets the first week.



This boy, who is so very brave. He's been through more than any person should ever have to go through, and he's just 11. Our eldest son, Matthew.



And this boy, who is so very strong. He is such a little monkey, with the most gentle heart. Our second son, Dillon.



This boy, who is in such an enjoyable stage. He cracks us up so many times a day. And he's so curious about the world around him. Our third son, Collin.



Zachary, our fourth son. He is the bravest person I know. He is strong in spirit. He is one of my greatest heroes.



And finally, this girl. Emily. Our fifth child, first girl. She is growing by leaps and bounds before my very eyes. Growing more independent every day.

Babies, Babies Everywhere

Oh my, it seems everyone is having babies!
Yesterday, one of my on line friends had her sixth baby, and she is just so cute. Another fellow blogger had her 12th on Saturday.
I have an on line friend who is pregnant with her eighth.
The one neighbor is certainly pregnant and I think the other neighbor is too.
It's so exciting to see all these little ones. Love it!
Congrats to everyone!!!

The Eyes Have It

I'm sure I've used that title before, and I will probably use it again in the future. I hope, anyway.
Because what it means is that the good eyes in this family still outnumber the bad numbers.
Emma-bug had an appointment with the ophthalmologist today. It was confirmed that her eyesight is A-OK.
So that means that four of us have good eyesight, and only three have bad. Too bad the bad is so bad!
I don't think I mentioned before that Matthew's pressure is down to 22. Great news. His pressure was 48. I don't expect anyone who hasn't dealt with glaucoma to have any idea what any of this means, but it is great.
Things are going well in the health department. Praise the Lord!!

Off to exercise

My knee is feeling better, but I'm still nervous. I don't want to hurt it again.
Matt and I are taking the kids to the family exercise room on base, and I will be doing something like an elliptical machine in an effor to not hurt my knee.
I know the key to good weight loss is through exercise, so I really need to do this.
Wish me luck!

That's one way to teach grammar

I keep hearing, 'Zachy sticked his tongue out at me!"
"nuh-uh Collin sticked his tongue at me!"
I finally told them that I could not listen to them until they used proper grammar. That is was 'Zachy STUCK his tongue out at me, not sticked'
Now I keep hearing, "Zachy stuck his tongut out at me!"
And here I thought they'd stop.
Silly, silly me.

Zachism

This morning, Zachy asked me if he had ever been in my tummy.
I said that yes he was.
He said, "oh yeah, I was scary* in there"
Me "no, you liked it a lot, and didn't want to come out"
sly smile then, "oh yeah..I was HIDING!"
He then crawls off my bed and spots a bear figurine I have. He picked it up, looked at it, and then at me and says, "mommy, is this really what you looked like when you were a bear?"
"when was I a bear?"
"when you were a baby....ummm...in a COSTUME"
That kid cracks me up.

* Zachy always says scary when he means scared. For instance, he can't go to bed in the dark because he's scary. It's really too cute to correct him right now, maybe when he's 12.

Six Flags pictures

We went to Six Flags on Easter. Here are some pictures from it.
There aren't many of Matthew and Dillon because they are into the higher thrill rides, and well, it's hard to get pictures of roller coasters!

Emily Cuteness

Just a couple pics of Emmie, and one of Dillon...just for kicks

Lookie what we got

I've been meaning to post this, but haven't uploaded the picture.
We bought this new van on April first. It's a 12 passenger and we absolutely love it.
All the environmentalists hate us. It's ok though, they pretty much started that when we had more than our acceptable 2 kids.
Meet The Great White.
We named it that because I kept saying, "it's a monster" when we were looking at it. And that's the name of Matthew and Dillon's favorite roller coaster. So, The Great White she is!

Oh boy

Our VBS is scheduled for July.
Already, the songs are in my head every single day.
I've also been having bad dreams about it.
It's going to be a long 3 months!

An update on the kids...Dillon and Emmie are being treated for strep. We have to keep our eyes on the other kids too. Emmie didn't test positive, but given that she had the same symptoms as Dillon, the doc decided to treat her too. I am not opposed to that at all.

What's a mom to do?

So the fever bug has bitten Dillon and Emmie now.
Last night Emmie's temp was up to 104.1 and she was breathing so fast. I called the nurse and they said to bring her in. I was counting betweent 75-85 respirations per minute. Much too fast.
I waited until she fell asleep and things seem to quiet down a bit. She was down to the 40s.
This morning, she is still sleeping and her respirations have slowed way down. Thank goodness. And her temp is only 101.4.
Dillon, on the other hand, he awoke this morning telling me something was clogging his throat.
His tonsils are indeed huge. And I see white on them. So the question is, is this strep, or just regular ole tonsilitis?
I'm waiting a bit, to see how they both fare later on in the day. If they get worse or don't improve (mainly Dill) I'll try to get them in. He is notorious for getting strep. Poor thing. And you'd think I'd know the look of it by now.
So, maybe doctor for us today, maybe not.
And once again, Matthew is the only kiddo to not get sick yet.

Pete and Repeat

Pete and Repeat were walking across the bridge.
Pete fell off and who was left?
Repeat.
Collin had a fever yesterday. It's gone today.
Zachy has a fever today, and is now throwing up.
Why are we repeating this illness??

Great Sunday

We had a great day yesterday. It started out blah.
We were just kind of sprawling about. Then we decided to go to the store to look for a seat for Emmie on Matt's bike.
We discovered it was beautiful outside. Which was kind of surprising because we had all been cold inside. Had to turn down the a/c.
We walked around the BX for a good long while. Emmie pushed any cart she could get her hands on. So cute.
We also had to buy a sprinkler so we could start watering the lawn. For some reason, Collin decided to throw our old one away.
When we got home, we set up the sprinkler, and the kids played in the water. Matt put the seat on his bike, and I worked on laundry.
We decided to grill turkey burgers and have a picnic in our yard. We had bought strawberries the other day, so we got some angel food cake and cool whip and made strawberry shortcake for dessert.
Then we all went for a bike ride. When will I learn? My knee is killing me today, but it was fun while it lasted!
Then we got all the cleaning done and were ready to start the week off with a clean house.
It was just a great day.
Today, however, Collin has been battling a temp of 104.1 and is pretty out of it. Hopefully it's short lived because tomorrow is supposed to be a busy day.
I hope you had a fantabulous Sunday also.

The nurse at the ER

Did I mention that I hurt my knee? I can't remember. And I'm too lazy to look back. I'm stealing a moment to blog, so don't want to waste any time.
At any rate, I hurt my knee. Turns out I sprained it. I know this because I went to the doctor yesterday. Only not really the doctor, but the ER. Because when you have anything other than a routine appointment, it is impossible to see your doctor. And so, I have spent a bunch of time in the ER here. More than in my whole life.
OK, so it's sprained. I can start my program back up when it's healed, in 3-6 weeks. Huge bummer, because I was really enjoying myself.
That's not the point of this post though.
Matt came and sat with me between seeing patients. Of course, when it was time for my x-ray, he had a patient. So I had all the kids with me. What to do?
A wonderful nurse said I could bring them all with me and she would keep an eye on them. On the way back, we talked, and she told me she had 8 kids. Lucky lady! Four boys and four girls!
She was playing with Emily and said, "oh my, you're giving me baby fever" But she sounded so sad. I asked if they'd be having anymore. She told me that no, she had had her tubes tied. She told me she had cried and cried and wished she never did it.
My heart broke in a million pieces for her. I cannot imagine that pain. Some people may think she has had enough, and good for her for tying her tubes, but not me. I just feel for her.
I don't ever want to feel like that.

So sorry

The boys are fine. Sorry I didn't tell you last night!

Words mom doesn't want to hear

Matt is at the grocery store with Dillon and Collin.
I called to remind him that we needed water.
He is telling me that the cart is full, he hasn't made it to produce yet and he doesn't know where he'll put it.
Then, I hear CRASH "ARE YOU OK??"
And then he tells me, "I gotta go, they just dumped over the cart" *Click*
As a little girl, I turned a cart over on me.
I was two. I broke my leg in two places.
I'm assuming all is ok though, since I haven't heard back from him.
Just makes my heart freak out a bit.

Small request

Dillon has been collecting post cards. So far, all we have is post cards from different places Matt has been.
I was wondering if anyone might want to send him one from your neck of the woods.
If you would like to, you can email me luckiestmomever@gmail.com to get our mailing address.
He sure would like it.

Slow down, son

The other day, we were at the store. Matt was looking at the iPhones. Of course, he'd love one, but we will never get one. Too spendy for our taste. Not to mention that we are with Sprint, not AT&T.
Zachy LOVES gadgets, especially phones. So he started saying, "I want an iPot phone too" And started asking us when he could get an ipot phone. We finally told him when he was big like Daddy.
This morning he woke up and said, "Mommy, I think I'm as big as Matthew and Dillon today. Does that mean I'm as big as Daddy? Can I get my ipot phone?"
It's really cute. But I know before long, he will be as big as Daddy.
Slow down, Son...be my baby a while longer. Please?

Week one..done

I finished my first week of couch to 5K today.
I had a hard time finding where to run, so I finally bit the bullet today and went on base.
It was really tough for me. I was so certain people would laugh at the fat girl running. But I just tuned everyone out and did my thing.
There is a track upstairs that circles the perimeter of the gym. One half is the exercise machines, and the other the gymnasium. They were having basketball practice in the gym, and it was hot in there. I was so glad to come around to the exercise room half. Nice and cool in there.
I hurt my knee this week. I twisted it funky while kneeling down. Stupid. It hurts, but I plugged through it today.
Onto week two!

Not meant to offend

I noticed today that the neighbor across the street has the cutest baby bump.
And why did I notice this?
Why because she was outside having a cigarette.
This makes me sick. I'm so sorry if I offend anyone, but it does.
Babies are so precious..and fragile.
Why would you do anything that could jeopardize your bundle of perfection?? I don't get it.
The only thing I can think is that they have never been affected by a child with a difficulty.
The thing is, her baby will probably be just perfect. And it isn't that I would ever wish anything wrong with any baby..it just kind of irks me.
OK, climbing off my soap box.
Back to the regularly scheduled blogging.

I should be baking bread...

with all this yeast.
Emily has thrush in her mouth. I have it on my breasts. She has it on her bottom.
Oh yes, good times are being had here.

Tagged

OK, Maria tagged me quite awhile ago. I haven't done it because, honestly, I've been having a hard time coming up with seven things about me. But I'll try.

Rules are:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.


1)I have always wanted to go on a hot air balloon ride. I think to balloon over a beautiful green countryside would be magnificent. Matt and I used to say (back in the dating days) that we were going to run away in a hot air balloon and get married.

2)Speaking of getting married..I'd love to get married again. I was so stressed out on our wedding day, that I didn't really enjoy it. I see other people's weddings and think it looks like so much fun. Once upon a time, we had this idea that we would renew our vows at 10 years. We'd wear the same clothes and have the same attendants. I don't know what in the world was wrong with us! Ten years seemed so long. We had no idea that we could never afford to do that, or that there was no way I'd fit into my wedding dress! ALTHOUGH..after I had Collin, I lost a bunch of weight, and I was actually able to fit into my dress again!

3)My favorite animal (who is actually a mammal) is the manatee. LOVE THEM. I went swimming with them in high school. And aside from getting married and having kids, it was one of the highlights of my life. There is no way to describe putting your face in the water and seeing these ginormous creatures swimming at you. And then, get this, they practically roll over for you to rub their bellies.

4)I'm a huge Disney fan. Not necessarily the movies, but the parks. When I was little, I wanted to be Alice in Wonderland. Just so I could sit on the mushroom during the parade waving and saying, "hellooo. OH! Hello!!" If I lived in Anaheim or Orlando, I might have to figure out a way to work, just so I could work there. I would actually just like to live there. Set up residence in Cinderella's castle.

5)I love roller coasters. Although, I'm starting to not be a fan of the wooden ones. I'm old, and they are very jerky. But give me any metal, fast one, and I'm in. Matthew is like this (who would have thought??) and it has been so much fun. He's game for anything and usually dragging us to the rides.

6)I slept with my baby blanket until about sixth grade. After my parents got divorced, I had really bad nights. I was always afraid at night. I knew my house would burn down, or someone would break in, or who knows what else. But I could never sleep. So, even into high school, I would pull it out of my closet to sleep with.

7)Speaking of being a kid, when I was growing up, I always wanted a dozen kids. I don't know why a dozen, but a dozen it was. Matt always wanted seven. Who knows how many we'll end up with! ;-)

OK, I'm tagging....
1) Gina
2)Robin
3)Melissa
4)Tommy
5)UK Gina
6)Michelle
7)Cory

A start

If you've been reading my blog for years, you may remember when we lived in Ohio. And when Matt would go to Toledo once a month for guard duty. You may also remember I had an online friend, Carrie, who lived there. We went to see them a few times, and went to the zoo with them.
Anyway, I've been sitting back, reading her blog, and watching her start a running program. She has been loving it, and the transition in her has been nothing short of amazing. She has inspired me so much, that tonight, I am going to start the program.
This is huge for me. I have never enjoyed running. But since watching her, I've had this itch lately, to get out there and do it myself. I am so excited about it. Which is really strange for me!
I'll be following this program, in case you are interested.
Wish me luck!

Long time no post

I go through these times when I just feel I have nothing exciting to say.
This is one of those times.
Life is just truckin along, like it does.
Last Sunday, we had an impromtu birthday party for Emmie. I wanted it solely for the purpose of cake pictures.
Unfortunately, the girl is not into eating these days. She is, however, into nursing, all the time. But since being sick, she just hasn't been eating.
So, we sat her in her chair, gave her her own cake, and she stuck a finger in the frosting. She then tasted it, and squirmed to get out of her seat.
That was it. No devouring of cake like I wanted.
Zachy did this too. My first 3 just gobbled it down, but not these two.
I do have pictures, but haven't uploaded them.
The weather here has been wonderful. We've been taking walks in the evenings and just enjoying the Texas spring.
On Sunday, we plan on going to Six Flags. It should be fun. Especially now that Emmie is a walker! Too bad she hates shoes. She just takes after her mommy, I guess.
Next week is full of doctors appointments. Almost every day we have something. Matthew is getting a new appliance in his mouth on Monday, so that should be exciting.
Speaking of Matthew. He saw the glaucoma doc last week. His drop wasn't working to bring down his pressure. So he is now on a different drop. We are praying this one works. If it doesn't, we will add another drop and hope that works. If THAT doesn't work, they'll try surgery. But his eye is funky, so that might not work either. At that point, he will just go black blind. Right now, he can see shadows in his right eye, so is able to at least not run into things. Although, he still runs into lots of things on the right side! We're just hoping that the drops work. I remember when he was 2 weeks old and the pediatrician told us it looked like a cataract or glaucoma. I was so afraid it was glaucoma, and so relieved it was just a cataract. I had no idea I'd be dealing with BOTH! The thing that stinks the most about the glaucoma, is that it hurts him. He frequently complains of his eye hurting. Poor thing.
Oh yes, I almost forgot...we found out last week that Matt gets to go on a humanitarian mission trip to Honduras in June. He'll be there 2 weeks. I know he'll have a wonderful time. I can see mission work being right up his alley.
OK, Emmie is sitting here demanding my attention, so I'm off. Have a happy Easter.

Just waitin

I have an itch to totally shovel out Collin and Zachy's room. It is making me nutso. I told them I was going to and Zachy said, "ok, I just want my babies and spy stuff" His babies are all the stuffed animals he got while at the hospital.
The problem?
Out a/c is on the blink again, and I have to wait for the a/c man to come fix it. Only, he couldn't give me a time, said he'd have to fit us in.
Our doorbell is very, very quiet, and I know that if I get into their room, I won't hear it.
The kids all want to be outside playing, so I can't even tell them to listen for it.

Gag me

We ate lunch a couple hours ago.
I am still stuffed.
BLAH...how do I do this to myself??

Oh me, Oh my (he barks all day and night)

OK, no one really barks all day and night, but if you know the Wiggles, you know the song. And for some reason, it is going through my head right now.
I feel I should sit and write something really great, but alas, my life is so boring right now.
Last Friday, Zachy and Collin started throwing up. It was such a pleasant day. They were done by Saturday, but still felt bad.
Sunday morning, Emmie started throwing up. Poor thing, she can't seem to catch a break lately.
She was done by Monday though.
Then Tuesday morning, Matt and Dillon started the process.
Somehow, Matthew and I have managed to escape this dreaded illness. I have had many nauseous nights and days, but, thankfully, everything has stayed down.
Yesterday, after having a rough day, I told Matt we needed to go shopping. Cause yeah, apparently I like retail therapy! So we went to a mall and walked around. We bought Emmie her first pair of shoes. Can you believe that? No shoes till now. She isn't too fond of them, either. Can't say I blame her. I myself, hate shoes.
And now she is awake and crying, so I have to run.
Today is Matt's birthday. He's getting so old. A whole 32 years today. Why, he's practically ancient!

Happy Birthday, Baby

Oh my, I feel so guilty about not posting this until today.
But guess what happened on Monday??
My wee little baby turned one year old! I so cannot believe that a year has already passed. She is walking all over the place and is just too cute for words.
So, what did we do for her birthday, you ask.
If you will recall, Phantom was on Sunday. Sunday morning at about 4 I woke up and could feel the heat coming off Emmie. Took her temp. 104. Poor punkin. We gave her meds and were able to get it down a bit. I was pretty nervous about leaving her while we went to the show. We've never left her before, and what a way to do it. She did fine though. And the show was great. We had such a good time. Poor Matt though, the guy sitting in front of him had a ginormous head. It blocked half the stage, so he and I spent the whole time leaned over to the right so he could see. But it was still so good.
We got home, and Emmie appeared to be doing really well. Her temp was down, and she was pretty chipper.
Later in the evening, we went to go grocery shopping. Halfway through I told Matt that we had to leave because I had to take Emmie to the ER. She was just so out of it and hot. I feared another UTI, and knew it would be impossible to get her seen the next day. Only this time I was smart. I took her to the army hospital instead of the air force hospital. For one thing, it's much closer to where we live, and for another, we wouldn't have to wait on all the basic trainees who get priority on base.
I got there about 9:30 and waited for an hour to be triaged. During this time, she fell asleep and kept spazzing out. It scared me and I was sure she was going to seize. Some folks were talking about the fact that they'd been there since 4 in the afternoon. When they took her to triage her I asked if they would please give her something to help with the wait. They took her temp and it was 105.3. They pretty much freaked. They gave her meds and sent us for a chest x-ray. She was also panting by then. Then they put us in the orthopedic room. They did urine tests, blood tests, flu tests, and an RSV test. It all came back negative. Her heart was beating really quickly, so they gave her fluids. Then they decided since they had no source for the fever, they would admit her. But guess what. The army hospital doesn't have a peds ward. So, at 3:30 in the morning, we went by amubulance back to the air force hospital. When we walked through the waiting room, I saw people still sitting there from 9:30.
We stayed the night there and they repeated some tests. All of which were still negative. At 3:30 in the afternoon, they discharged us. Her temp was between 101-102.
Since coming home, she has become very congested and today has a really bad cough. Yesterday, she had her follow up and they say it must just have been the beginning of an upper respiratory infection.
Last night, her fever was back, but today she seems to be pretty cool.
The nurses in the ER sang happy birthday to her after starting her IV. I will always remember that nurses in the ER sang to her first.
She is such a wonderful baby, and we love her so very much. I can't believe how quickly this year has gone by. I already miss my sweet tiny baby.
Happy birthday Emmie, we love you more than you can imagine.

Good times

Yesterday, Matt had to stop at the BX to buy some stamps. They just opened a Starbucks there, and were having the grand opening. There were two full boxes of entries for a 46" Sharp Aquos LCD HDTV. Matt put his name in.
About an hour later, they called to say that he won the TV. He went and picked it up today. It's a thing of beauty I tell ya!

Fire Department Field Trip

Today we went on a field trip with other homeschoolers to the fire department. The kids had such a great time. The highlight of the day was spraying the hose. And since we were all headed home, they got to get soaked. The picture of Collin and Zachy I took while they were waiting for their turn to spray the hose. The wind would blow the water towards us, and I kept seeing them huddled together to stay dry. It didn't last long. All four of them were soaked by the time we left.
They also thought the fire truck was pretty cool. Everyone told me they want to be firemen now. Except for Collin, he wants to be a cowboy!

Fear

Today, as Emmie was sitting at Matthew's feet, bobbing up and down with her arms in the air, signalling him to pick her up, I was reminded of something.
After Zachy was born, we would ask the kids if they ever wanted another baby. Matthew's response was always a very hesitant yes. We would ask him why he hesitated, and he would tell us that he very much would like another baby in the family, but that he was afraid that the baby would be sick like Zachy.
And we were too. We let that fear grip us for quite awhile.
But then, I fell pregnant. And I was very frightened. I think people assume that we went into another baby completely lighthearted and carefree. In reality, nothing could have been further from the truth. We saw all the specialists I was supposed to see, and still, we were afraid. When I first went to the doctor, I was asked if I wanted to abort. Why? Because she was my fifth? I don't think so. When I first went in, I was a wreck. I told the doctor I was terrified, and wasn't sure if I was able to do this. But I never meant I wanted to abort. I had faith that no matter what was to be, God would carry us through. But still, I was afraid. I was afraid that I wouldn't like what it was God was about to carry us through. I was afraid that our lives would forever be changed. I was afraid our baby would die. I was afraid of seeing another baby in pain. I wasn't sure I could handle open heart surgery again, and I knew it wasn't the worst thing possible. I was afraid.
And I was afraid all throughout my pregnancy. You may remember me touring all the hospitals. All I was looking for was the NICU. How well they were equipped to handle my baby. It was something I could control, where this baby would be born.
And then she was born. All pink and perfect. All I said when she was born was, "she's pink" over and over. I sobbed. She was pink. And she cried. And suddenly, all was right in the world.
And then she was taken to the NICU because her breathing was labored. And everything they were telling me about her, was the same thing they had told me about Zachy. And I was afraid.
And now, in less than one week, that perfect pink baby, will be one year old. And she is perfect.
And I was watching how deeply she loves Matthew, and how deeply he loves her, and I was hit with this thought...you cannot let fear rule your life. If you do, you will miss out on some very wonderful things, and people.
I can't imagine life without our Emmie. And I know Matthew can't either. And had we let our fear run our lives, we wouldn't have her.
I need to learn to forever been leaning on the everlasting arms of my Lord. And then, the fear won't be there. I think I always try to take it back. I need to just give it. Because He always takes care of us. Even if something horrible had happened, He would carry us through.

Guess what this weekend is

Go on..guess...THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!
Oh my, I'm so excited.
My dad took me when I was in high school, and I really don't know how the traveling show will compare to the one we saw in LA, but I'm still really excited to be sharing it with Matt.

I have no idea what to title this post!

Zachary had an appointment with his electrophysiologist this past Wednesday. I meant to get on and post about it, but I woke up with mastitis Wednesday morning. By the time we got home my fever was climbing higher and higher. My whole body ached, even the joints in my toes ached. I was pretty miserable.
And trying to get into a doctor around here is really difficult. So, I started on some old antibiotics and hoped it wouldn't get worse.
By Thursday night my temp had climbed to 103 and I couldn't get it down. I also couldn't unplug the duct that was giving me all the problems. Matt said I needed to go to the ER, but there was no way I could drive there. I was so weak.
I tossed and turned all night and was just sweating through my jammies.
When I awoke, my temp was finally down. But I still hurt horribly. So I tried calling again for an appointment. I got the run around. Finally, I was given the number to OB triage, which is where the lactation consultant is. They told me to get to the ER.
I was able to leave all the kids with Matt in the afternoon, and finally get to the ER. They did an ultra sound and said the duct was NOT abcsessed, which is what I was afraid of because it wouldn't drain. That was great news. She started me on a stronger antibiotic with instructions to come back in 24 hours if I wasn't better.
After just one dose I was feeling so much better. I'm still sore, and my temp still goes to about 100 throughout the day, but there is improvement. YAY!
It was horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
So all of that to say that I didn't update about Zachy.
He's looking good. The pacemaker is working 95% of the time. Holy smokes that's alot. The doctor says he will lower the threshold at about 6 months in order to get the battery to last longer. How that will work is really too complicated to try to explain here, but it will actually be allowing one of his natural pacemakers to pick up some of the slack.
In a few weeks we get to use a machine that will send all the pacing info to the doctor over the phone. Zachy is super excited about this, and carried the machine around for days when it came in the mail.
Yesterday, was pathfinder and adventurer sabbath. Our kids all worked really hard and did such a great job. We were so proud of all of them. And when I say that, I'm not talkig about our 5 kids, but all the kids. We direct the club, so they're our kids!
Soon we will be moving onto planning VBS. Oh the fun never ends here!!

The story about Matthew

I promised you a story about Matthew!
So without further ado.....
Thursday night, the youth of our church had a dinner for the couples. It was a fundraiser and the kids were the servers and hostesses.
Several kids were assigned more than one table.
Matthew, however, was assigned one.
When I looked in, I saw that he was assigned to Sandra's table.
Sandra is an elderly lady, who is nearly blind.
I think she tries to appear not so blind at church, because she will open the hymn book and hold it right up to her face. But Matt has seen it upside down on more than one occasion.
Matthew told me afterwards that he only had her table, and that he helped her read the menu, and when he brought her the food, he told her where on her plate different items were.
Then he said, "when I first was assigned to her, I thought, "oh no, why her??" but then I realized that she was really, really nice"
Now you have to understand that Matthew is pretty shy. And I was concerned about him getting her table. I wasn't sure how he would be able to handle it, because she is a talker too.
When he said that, I was so proud. I told him that I thought God had put him with Sandra on purpose, because none of the other kids could understand what it was like to have no vision. I imagine her vision is as good as Matthew's bad eye. And he was able to empathize with her.
I'm not sure many of the other kids would have had the compassion to read to her and help her out like he did. And he ended up learning such a valuable lesson.
He makes me so proud.

Have I mentioned?

Have I mentioned that Emily is walking all over the place? Sure, she still falls, and thinks that crawling is much better. But she is indeed walking. How can this be? The boys all were at least a year old, with Matthew being the earliest walker. He took his first steps on his birthday.
The horrible thing is, I cannot remember what day she started. How can I record something I don't remember? Maybe I'll just fudge it in the baby book. I'll forget by next year anyway!
I have a great story to tell you about Matthew, but it will have to wait until a decent hour. It's midnight here, and I need to get to bed to be up for church in the morning.

Trees

I love the trees in Texas. Especially this time of year. I don't particularly care for them when they have leaves because the leaves are all really puny. But at this time, I love them. I think they have such character. All bendy and knobby. They all seem like halloween trees, if halloween had trees. No, they aren't the pine trees I'm so used to, but they have a uniqueness all their own.
Usually, these trees are just full of Grackles, and I have really come to enjoy their calls, as well.
Matt thinks I'm nuts for liking the sound of these birds, they sound a bit like crows, only not. And I'm sure he'll also think I'm crazy for dedicating an entire entry to the trees.
They are just so beautiful.

Just the facts please

Today is Congenital Heart Defect awareness day. Here are some facts you need to know.

~~1 in 85 babies in the US will be born with a CHD. This does NOT include the babies who are lost during pregnancy.

~~CHDs are the most common type of birth defect, and the #1 cause of DEATH from a birth defect

~~CHDS are 2 times as likely and kill 2 times as many children as cancer EVERY YEAR

~~ There are 35 known types of CHDs

~~Most Drs believe that CHD is a genetic defect, but new research shows that mothers who take antidepressants and painkillers while pregnant raise the risk of CHD by 3 times.

~~Many children born with a CHD will not live to see their first birthday

~~CHDs are not always found at birth. Some are found years later. And sometimes after death, when it is too late.

~~CHD can NOT be cured. The heart will NEVER be normal. It must be treated for life.

~~Only one penny of every dollar donated to the American Heart Association goes towards pediatric cardiology research.

So many people do not know about CHDs...it doesn't make the news like cancer does. Why is this? The word needs to get out so that research can be done. Zachy's surgery has only been performed for about 40 years. So much can happen in the future, but research needs to be done!!

Hug your children today, and thank God for their hearts...even if they are special hearts.

Poem

You passed me in the shopping mall..(You read my faded tee)
You tapped me on the shoulder...Then asked....."What' a a CHD?"
I could quote terminology. ..There's stats that I could give...
But I would rather share with you...A mother's perspective.
What is it like to have a child with a CHD?
It's Lasix,aspirin, Captopril. ...
It's wondering... Lord what's your will?...
It's monitors and oxygen tanks...
It's a constant reminder...to always give thanks...
It's feeding tubes, calories, needed weight gain...
It's the drama of eating...and yes it's insane!
It's the first time I held him...(I'd waited so long)
It's knowing that I need...to help him grow strong...
It's making a hospital...home for awhile...
It's seeing my reward...in every smile.
It's checking his sats...as the feeding pump's beeping...
It's knowing that there... is just no time for sleeping...
It's caths,x-ays and boo boos to kiss...
It's normalcy...I sometimes miss...
It's asking...do his nails look blue?
It's cringing inside... at what he's been through.
It's dozens of call to his pediatrician. ..
She knows me by name...I'm a mom on a mission)
It's winter's homebound... and hand sanitizer...
It's knowing this journey...has made me much wiser.
It's surgery day...and I'll never be ready.
It's handing him over...( I'm still not prepared...)
It's knowing that his heart... must be repaired...
It's waiting for news...on that long stressful day...
It's ...praying.. .it's hoping...that he'll be okay.
It's the wonderful friends... with whom I've connected...
It's the bond that we share...it was so unexpected.. .
It's that long faded scar... down my child's small chest...
It's touching it gently...and knowing we're blessed...
It's watching him chasing...a small butterfly...
It's the moment I realized...I' ve stopped asking...why?
It's the snowflakes that fall...on a cold winter's day...
They remind me of those...who aren't with us today)
It's a brave little boy...who loved Thomas the train...
Or a special heart bear...or a frog in the rain....
It's the need to remember...we are all in this plight....
It's their lives that remind us... we still need to fight!
It's in pushing ahead amidst every sorrow...
It is finding the strength to have hope for tomorrow.
And no...we'll never be the same...
It's changed our family...
This is what we face each day...
This is...a CHD.

~~Stephanie Husted.....

Zach's heart

I've been wanting to share pictures here..but I am having a hard time getting to them. So instead, I will do this.

In honor of this


I'll tell you about Z's heart.

This is a normal heart..




And this is how Z's was at birth.



He also had one of these



It's really hard to tell on these pictures, but his pulmonary veins were connected to his superior vena cava instead of to his heart. The superior vena cava is the vein that his pacemaker leads are now through. Doing the surgery on that vein, is what caused it to be narrow and what caused all the problems during this last surgery.

You can see that the atrial septal defect repair would be in the right atrium. Unfortunately, this is where the sinus node is as well. The sinus node is what tells your heart to beat. The repair of the ASD is what caused the damage to the sinus node in the first place. And all the scarring from the repair is what caused it to be so hard to place the leads in the atrium.

There, now you know a bit more about Zachy's miraculous heart.