Great Wolf Lodge

Since we have three birthdays in August, we decided to take a trip to Dallas to the Great Wolf Lodge. We figured this would be cheaper than taking them each to do something special on their birthdays.
It was really nice, because we just had nice quiet evenings for their birthdays, with just our family.
We headed up to the Lodge early Sunday morning. We arrived at 10:30 and got all checked in. Then we hit the water park.
We had bought disposable underwater cameras, and all the pictures inside didn't turn out. Thankfully, there's a part of the park that is outside, so we got a few pics outside.
We had such a great time. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. The kids got along great and it was just wonderful, the whole time.

Our Homeschooling Story

It seems like I've been asked about homeschooling quite a bit, lately. So, I decided to write an entry about why we homeschool, how we homeschool, and what we use.
I'll be the first to admit that I am a paranoid mom. No one is going to hurt my babies. When Matthew was getting to be school age, the school shootings were at an all time high. Either that, or we were just hearing about it on the news a lot more.
Growing up, I went to a great school. The country school that was "safe". I'll never forget seeing the brother of one of my classmates on the Sally Jesse Rafael show. He had been expelled because he had a hit list of who he was going to kill in the school. Around the same time, there was another shooting in a small town a couple hours away, another "safe" school.
If all this was happening at these schools, how could any school be safe for my kids??
Along with all of my fears, was the fact that Matthew was born with some facial differences. We learned very quickly that kids were cruel, very cruel. We also knew that Matthew would be facing surgeries during his early years of school. We couldn't figure out how he would manage to stay caught up in school with all the doctor's appointments we would be dealing with.
And finally, there was the fact that I really enjoy my kids. I couldn't fathom sending them to school for eight hours a day. I couldn't figure out how we could have a meaningful relationship if we only saw them a couple hours a day.
The idea of homeschooling appealed more and more to us, and we decided to give it a go. My kids have never been in public school, we've homeschooled from the word Go.
Over the years, our reasons for keeping them home have definitely changed. Yes, we still deal with the doctor's appointments, we still like being with our kids, and we still worry about their safety, but now it has become so much more.
We started learning about schools and how they teach for the tests. The higher the test scores, the more money they get. The schools have also started dictating what an acceptable absence is. When I was a kid, we could go on vacation, and my parents saying that we were with them, was enough to excuse the absence. Now, if you go on vacation, you get zeros for the time missed. When did the schools take the right to determine what is OK for their kids away from the parents?
There is also the fact that some of my kids have struggled a bit. I have been able to help them through, but worry if they had been in school they would have been left behind. Now, I don't know that for sure, but it seems like something that could easily happen.
Most importantly for us, is that we control what our children learn. Yes, my kids know about evolution, but we haven't taught it as truth. We believe in creation, and so those are the beliefs we've instilled in our kids. We like being able to pray whenever we want. On many occasions, we say a prayer before a test, or if things are getting difficult. We are allowed to talk about God whenever we want.
We have never said we will homeschool forever, we've always said we will homeschool for as long as it works for us. It still works for us, so we are still homeschooling.
As for what we do, I'm schooling four different levels right now. Matthew and Dillon are old enough that they are quite independent. Don't get me wrong, I help them whenever they need it, but for example, I don't have to sit and walk them through every math problem. They have instruction and then can pretty much go on their own.
I am using the workbox system for Collin and Zachary. I started it last year, towards the end of the year, and it seems to be what they need. Collin is one of my kids that struggles. Last year, and probably this year, I sit Zachy and Emily down with an activity (lacing beads in a pattern, or playing Jr boggle, etc) and I work with Collin. Then I switch. Collin plays with the girls and I work with Zachy. We switch back and forth until they are done with their school.
How we choose our curriculum could be it's own post, but I'm lazy so I'll pop a bit in here. In short, it has been years of trial and error.
We have stuck with Math U See our math, but everything else changes yearly. I keep coming back to Alpha Omega Lifepacs, though. Also,. Apologia Science is our science curriculum of choice. This year, we are using Switched on Schoolhouse for the older two boys. Not for all subjects, but some. We'll see how they like it. I'm not sure that Matthew is going to dig doing his schoolwork on the computer, but we'll give it a whirl. We are also using Horizons this year for Zachy. Emily is only 3, but I'll be working on letters and crafty goodness with her.
Is it easy? Nope. Am I organized? Not really. In fact, in most things, I'm quite lazy and I never follow through. This is how I know that God wants us to do this. We pray about it all the time. I couldn't do it without being able to go to God on a daily basis and lean on Him.
I hope this answered some questions. I want to add that I know there are wonderful schools out there, and since my kids have never been to public school the things I said are all things that I've heard from other parents. I don't mean to knock the public school system at all, it just isn't for us.

Seven Years Ago

~This ended up being far lengthier than I intended. I understand if you don't read it all. I needed to write this out, for me.


Today is the seventh anniversary of Zachy's heart being fixed.
It was on this day, seven years ago, that we were thrust into the world of open heart surgery.
I remember most of that day, as if it were yesterday. A few things are hazy, but for the most part, it's etched in my mind.
I've never written about this, and decided it was time. Some images may be disturbing to some people, but he's my baby, and he is beautiful.

August 5, 2003, I was induced. Our fourth baby was coming. Our fourth boy. What a joyous occasion! Labor was fast and very painful. I had decided to go with no epidural, and he was sunny side up. When it came time to push, it hurt so bad, I couldn't stop pushing. He was born in four short minutes, and his face would later show the evidence of this. I was told that he didn't actually come face up, but that he came face first, so his nose came out first..no molding of his head, no wonder it hurt so bad.
When he was born, they plopped him on my belly. He was lifeless. I couldn't look at him. All I could do was ask, over and over, "what's wrong with my baby?" The midwife insisted that he was fine, perfect even. After what felt like an eternity (in reality, it was one minute) he let out a cry. A puny, little cry. They whisked him off to be cleaned up and weighed.
We were then allowed to hold him, and the kids and grandparents came in to meet the newest edition to the family.
What I saw, and what others saw, were drastically different. I saw a perfect beautiful baby. The first words out of my mom's mouth were, "he's black". I was so irritated by that comment. Little did I know that my step dad had turned around and left the room. Unbeknownst to me, an argument between him and the nurses was taking place in the hallway outside. He was insisting that they call the doctor, now. They were telling him they knew how to do their jobs and that he was fine, no need for the pediatrician to come. They told him she would be there when she did her rounds. He wouldn't stand for it. After much insistence, they finally called the pediatrician.
When she got there, they took him away, assuring us that they would bring him right back, after they examined him and bathed him.
The next thing we knew, the doctor was talking to us, telling us that his oxygen levels were low and he was on oxygen. They told us he was probably just born too fast and his lungs were still wet. They'd wean him off the oxygen over time.
This was not to be, and before we knew it, we were being blown a terrible blow.
Our baby had a heart defect, and would be transferring to a different hospital.
I was in such shock and so naive, that I asked them how we would get him to the hospital an hour away in our car, with oxygen. They informed me that the helicopter was on it's way. That's when it hit me that this was serious. Much more serious than I wanted to admit.
This all took place August 7. By the time we got to the other hospital, they had him settled in his room in the PICU, and we were greeted by many doctors. They took us in a room to explain to us that Zachary's pulmonary veins hadn't connected right, and that the only option was open heart surgery. They told us that TAPVR occurs in 1 in 15,000 babies. They also told us that he had a 95% chance of survival.
Most people would be thrilled with those odds, but we had just hit something that had a .0015% chance of happening..so 5% seemed huge.
That night, they wanted to put a line in his belly button. They told us it would take about a half an hour. Three hours went by, and when we saw him again, he was intubated. We weren't expecting to see him on a vent. That was hard. Really, really hard.
August 8 came. Surgery day. I will never forget riding in the elevator with him, and kissing him goodbye in the hallway. What a horrible thing. I was trying not to break down and cry, but all I could think about was that this could be the last time I saw my baby alive.
The surgery was to take six hours.
I remember the waiting room so clearly. I remember it being filled with people. My mom and step dad were there, and Matt's parents. Some people from some one's church came to sit. I have no idea who they were, and kept thinking I didn't have it in me to be sociable with people I didn't know. I purposely kept my distance from them. They could pray with my in laws, but I needed them to leave me alone.
Being in the waiting room, was somewhat like being in a fish tank...everything around me was hazy. All the sounds were muffled. And yet, it was all so clear.
At some point, my step dad asked me what I was scared about. I said I was afraid of him dying. He informed me that if he did, we would get through, and to not be scared. I didn't believe him and thought it was a horrible thing to say. I know now, he was just trying to help.
There was a time that I went to the PICU to pump. I rode in the elevator, carrying my "personal belongings" bag that held my pump pieces. There was a lady on the elevator who looked at me excitedly and said, "are you here for the reason I think you're here???" I don't know how I didn't cry. I just quietly told her no. When I got to the PICU the cardiologist expressed his concern about me. He told me I had to sleep, I had to take care of me, or I would end up being readmitted to the hospital. I hadn't left Zachy's side. People wanted me to leave the hospital, but home was 2 hours away. They talked about the Ronald McDonald House. I insisted I had to stay at the hospital to be able to pump. My mind was so set on him not getting formula, only breast milk, when the time came. It was the only thing I felt like I could control. The hospital ended up giving us a cot, and I slept on the cot in the family waiting room in the PICU, and Matt slept on the couch. Some nights, he went home, but I never left. As a side note, I wasn't able to do this with Natalie, and going home without a baby every night was so incredibly difficult.
When I returned from pumping, an elderly lady met me in the hall. She asked me if I had a baby having heart surgery. I told her yes, and she proceeded to tell me that her husband was supposed to have had the first surgery of the morning, but he was pushed back for a very sick little baby. She told us she was thinking of us, and wished us the best.
Somehow, everyone in the waiting room must have known we had a baby in surgery. They all stared, often.
After only four and a half hours, the cardiologist came into the waiting room. A hush fell on the room. You could almost see everyone leaning towards us as the cardiologist spoke to us.
Zachy was out of surgery. And he was doing great.
We were finally reunited with our baby. Mother's eyes are amazing, because when we saw him, I never focused on all the tubes coming out of him. I saw past it all, to my precious baby. People always commented on how many IVs and wires and tubes he had, but I just didn't see it.
The one thing I have no recollection of from that day, is where my other kids were. I'm thinking maybe with Matt's grandparents. I have pictures of my mom holding Collin over Zachy, saying goodbye. At some point, they were there. Did they stay the whole time? I really don't think so. But in all honesty, I don't know. Neither does Matt.
The following days would be a blur. I never left, for fear that something would go wrong, and I wouldn't be there. Matt had to go to work, we were so poor at the time, there was no paid time off. I would miss him fiercely on those days.
One week later, we got to bring our baby home. He had no complications while in the hospital.
He not only survived, but thrived.
By the time he was four, he had developed sick sinus syndrome, and would need a pacemaker. His future holds surgeries for the rest of his life. But that's a different story, for another time.
We know what we have. We know what a gift we were given, and how precious life is. There is not a single day that the thought doesn't go through my head of what could have so easily been. I thank God every day for blessing us with this amazing boy, and all our kids for that matter. We truly are blessed.

Please excuse the quality of the phots, they are either scans of pictures, or pictures of pictures. No digital camera back then!



Being weighed, after birth. Notice, no crying. He really never cried very much.

This was right after he was born..well after they got him to cry.


His poor face was so swollen from being delivered so quickly. He couldn't even open his eyes, and his face was completely purple from the bruising.


Getting ready to go for a ride in the helicopter.


This is what we were greeted with after they told us they wanted to put a line in his belly button. He ended up intubated.


The morning of surgery. In all of these pictures, we are smiling. I think we were at a place of trying so hard not to break down, so we laughed instead.


Right after surgery. I was certain he would end up bald, because for days all I could touch was his head. I would just sit and rub his head, I will never forget the feel of that baby fuzz.


Another pic from right after surgery.


On his birthday...surviving..and THRIVING!! Love you, Zachy!

God's Plans are Always Best

When I was a little girl, I used to say I wanted to be a "baby doctor" or a "nurse for babies".
It made sense, after all, I came from a family of nurses, and my dad is a doctor.
When my dad would do rounds on the weekend, I would beg to go. He would take me, and drop me off at the floor with the nursery. I'm not sure what floor it was, but it didn't matter, it was the baby floor.
He would do rounds, and I would stand at the window, watching the babies, and the nurses. Longing to be in there with the tiny little babies.
I had nineteen cabbage patch dolls, and they were each my babies. I remember going to Anaheim, and I insisted that we go to the cabbage patch hospital. I expected to see little bassinets, just like the nursery at the hospital. I didn't see that, and was secretly a bit disappointed that it was just a store.
As I grew, I started to get lazy. And I realized that to be a doctor or nurse required a lot of school. This didn't appeal to me, so I changed my thinking, sure I would be a teacher.
Well, as we all know, that didn't happen either. I got married at the ripe age of eighteen, and only went to a small amount of college.
I figured I had to help bring in some money, so I went to cosmetology school. Pretty funny, huh? What else could have such short schooling that would produce a career?
While I was in school, I found myself pregnant, with Matthew. The school insisted I have a waiver signed by my doctor, saying I could be around all the chemicals. My doctor refused to sign it. Stating that we don't know what affects all those chemicals could have on a baby.
I quit school, with the intention to go back and finish after Matthew was born.
That never happened. Instead, I became a stay at home mom.
Fast forward fourteen years, to today.
I have been a part of the CHD world for nearly seven years now. I have seen heartache. I have seen baby after baby pass away. On facebook, almost daily, there is an announcement of another sweet baby who has lost his or her fight with CHD.
My heart hurts for these parents. I cannot imagine the pain they endure.
And then I realize, that if I were a nurse or a doctor, I would be intimately involved with these parents. If it hurts me so badly when I don't even know the parents personally, I can't fathom how it would be to be involved in their care.
And yet, the best nurses I know have been personally affected by a sick baby, or even a baby who has passed. I just don't know how they do it. I've heard it said that they grow a thick skin. But I know it has to affect them.
I will never forget, when Natalie was in the NICU. The buzz around the unit was that they were getting a twenty-something week baby. The nurses were all preparing. At some point, Matt and I headed out for a break. We passed the neonatalogist and nurses in the hall. The isolette they were pushing, was empty. The looks on their faces was somber. Now, we never did ask, because we wouldn't have been told anyway, but we assume the baby didn't make it.
How do you deal with that day after day?
I couldn't.
Today, I've been teary-eyed thinking of all those babies. I would be a basket case if I were dealing with their care.
God had a better plan for me. Even though I had the plan for as long as I can remember. He knew it wasn't something I could handle. I am so thankful for that.

Diagnoses

The other day, I once again, felt that kick in the gut.

In the military, there is a program called the exceptional family member program, or the EFMP. The purpose of the program is to make sure that the base you are stationed at has sufficient medical facilities, or educational programs, for every member of your family.

So, for example, Zachy and Natalie are enrolled in the program. When we go to move, a red flag will go up in Matt's file saying we have special needs. The base we go to will have to be able to accommodate their needs, or we can't go to that base.

Since we are getting ready to move (PCS, permanently change stations), we have to update all their EFMP paperwork.

The paperwork requires letters from their doctor, stating what exactly, they need. Since we are PCSing, the doctor also gave us a copy of their records.

Since I always feel the need to read every report I'm ever given, I decided to read this one too.

I read through Zachy's. His diagnoses were, TAPVR, Sick Sinus Syndrome, and pacemaker present. Yep, all pretty straight forward.

I then went to Natalie's. Her diagnoses read TAPVR, and Pulmonary Vein Stenosis.
It also goes on to state that there is a chance, although slight, that she will need another surgery to correct the stenosis.

So here's where I felt the kick in the gut....we have always said, in passing, that one of her veins might be slightly narrow, but I never thought it was something that would be a diagnosis. I never really thought she would need another surgery. And, she probably won't. But the fact that it was written in her records, it just makes it that much more real.

I'm sure her nurse from the NICU, Jeremy, would be telling me she is doing everything that is expected. He was always good at telling me that. Still, even if it is to be expected, I just never expected to see it in print.

Stenosis is not something we ever dealt with with Zachy. And we know it is the main complication of TAPVR after repair. It's just not supposed to happen to us. She is supposed to have one diagnosis..not two diagnoses.

I know everything will be just fine, it was just another one of those times that took my breath right out of me.

Oh dear!

My blog background is gone!
And what's worse..I can't figure out how to delete the stupid little box that talks about photobucket.
I just plunk my codes into the HTML box, and I usually find it to delete it, then redo it. Only, now I can't find it! I've gone through everything.
This stinks. I've been thinking of changing things up..the url, title, design...maybe now is the time to do that. After all, I no longer have 5 monkeys.
*sigh* I'm so sorry it's so ugly to look at right now.
I'll keep working on things.

Things I Just Don't Understand

There are things in this life that I just don't understand. Ranging from simple things to more complex things.
And sometimes, I think I may be a little crazy. But that's OK, we're all a little crazy. Right? Somebody please tell me I'm right!



For instance...
Why does Rockin Green Laundry soap work so well? I can fill my washer up with the soap and water and it's crystal clear. I add my clothes, and I can no longer see through the water. How are our clothes so dirty? I've washed clean diapers in it, same thing. How long does it take for all the built up laundry soap to be removed? Will our clothes always cause the water to be filthy? I just don't understand.
And on the topic of laundry...I don't understand how Collin can insist on wearing the same clothes day in and day out, and yet when I wash his clothes, he has a bigger pile of clothes to be put away than anyone.

How come when Matt leaves, and tells the kids they can't come with him, it suddenly becomes my fault? Today, Matt has been cleaning out the van. He took out all the seats so he could vacuum it. When he left to vacuum it, of course no one could go with him. Emily cried her eyes out. And it was me she was mad at. As if I was the one who took all the seats out and wouldn't let her go.
I just don't understand.

I just don't understand how it can be, that doctors can go through years of medical school, learn a fraction of the workings of the human body, and still not believe in God. How can you learn all the intricate details of cells and think it all happened by chance? I do understand that they see people die, and it could cause them to wonder how a loving God could allow an innocent person to die. I get that. I don't get how they can't recognize all the miracles that happen around them, daily.

And finally, how can I be going about my day, cleaning out a cupboard, and have my world flipped upside down again? Every once in awhile, this happens. Today, I was cleaning a cupboard. It happens to be the cupboard that holds some meds. I came across a bunch of tiny medicine droppers. Droppers that were given to us when we took Natalie home from the hospital. Droppers for Lasix. And my heart dropped. All the feelings came rushing back, and for a moment, it was as if someone had sucked the breath out of me.
How can this still happen??? Why does this still affect me this way? Why is it so much harder this time than when it was Zachy? Or is it? Maybe it was like this with him, and I just got over it. I know I'll get over it this time too. I know I am so blessed. My baby is here. Alive. THRIVING. And yet, these things still hit me like a kick in the gut. Why?
I just don't understand.

I really need to stop ranting!

I know I've been a bit ranty lately, but please, allow me to rant one more time.
If you are a member of facebook, you have undoubtedly heard of the Chase Community Giving. If not, here's a rundown. Every person on FB has 20 votes they can use to vote for their favorite charities. Now, you can't use all 20 one one charity, you have to spread them out.
The top two hundred charities split a huge amount of money. I can't remember exactly how much it is, but it is enough per charity to make a difference.
So, the voting ended, and you could check out the winners.
What I saw really made me so mad.
Charity after charity related to animals. ANIMALS!!
Now, don't get me wrong, I like animals as much as the next person, but COME ON!!
You know what I didn't see?
I didn't see Saving Little Hearts, or any other CHD charity. I'm sure if any others signed up, but I know that SLH came in like 234 or something.
People...CHDs are REAL. They aren't something that is minor. They are major.
There were pediatric charities that won, which is wonderful. But CHDs will kill more children in one year than all childhood cancers combined.
Does anyone know that? Nope.
Why?
The awareness isn't out there. I cannot understand that. I'm sure it's hard for me because CHD is everywhere I look. I have many CHD friends, and it almost seems like the norm.
But here's a problem. Everyone knows about childhood cancer, it's visible. Everyone has seen the heart wrenching pictures of the child with no hair. Everyone has seen the St. Jude commercials. It's out there.
No one knows about CHD because, unless you see the children with their shirts off, you don't see it. There are no heart wrenching stories on TV. We have celebrities that do nothing, Shaun White, Brett Michaels, a Backstreet Boy, and I'm sure the list goes on. Why aren't they saying anything? They have the perfect platform to spread awareness. It makes me so upset to think about it. Because I'm just a person, I don't have the platform, but they are out there.
Then there was Boston Med. Those of us in the heart community were so excited. Finally, reality was going to be shown. And then. It wasn't. It was totally sugar coated. The baby was born with HLHS, which is serious. Many babies die from HLHS. But in the show, they just showed the baby going home like all would be fine.
And that's how many people think of CHD. That it gets fixed and everything is fine.
Only it's not.
These kids have to live with this for the rest of their lives. It is never fixed.
Yes, they can lead normal lives, sometime, but it will never be normal like a heart healthy child.
And the parents are never fine either. There is always worry in the back of our minds. When anything goes somewhat askew, we wonder. We wonder 'what if something is happening?' It never, EVER goes away.
And yet, we vote for animals. Animals.
And so, to show you the heart wrenching, I'm sharing what CHD is. The heart wrenching part of it.
It is this.

Natalie


Zachary

And it is funerals for babies or children who passed away far too young.
It isn't pretty. But it is very real.
There is hope, though. Back when Zachy was born, we were hard pressed to find anything regarding TAPVR on the Internet. Not so much, anymore. And through networking sites like Facebook, we are able to connect with so many more people, and spread the word.
CHD is real.

Zachy is so smart!

I took down my VBS montage because I wanted the music back on my blog. Also, something happened and the one that showed up here wasn't the finished product. Only, now we can't find the finished product.

Anyhow, as I was saying, Zachy is so smart.

The boys are all hungry and complaining that there is nothing to eat.
Zachy says, "you could have an apple"
Then, "you could have carrots"
"ORRR you could eat everything in the fridge!!"

He is so silly, but really if we would all think like he does, we would all be nice and skinny. Apples and carrots indeed!

I cannot comprehend this

I know I said I was going to be MIA, but something happened today, and I just had to blog about it!
Today was the day we had waited for...Emily got her cast off. Hip Hip Hooray! We came home and she promptly took a bubble bath and laid all the way down in the tub!
But that's not what I want to blog about.
When we arrived at the doctor's office we sat down in the waiting room. Where Headline News was playing.
The story that was playing was about how having kids makes parents miserable.
Let me give you a minute to pick your jaw up off the ground.
.
.
.
.
It's true. They say that studies have shown that parents aren't happy. Wanna know some of the reasons why?
One I heard was that the kids had so many activities that parents don't have time for themselves.
Also, that kids cost so much there isn't enough money left over for the parents' wants.
Do you see the common thread??
.
.
SELFISHNESS.

I'm sorry. I don't get it. Why in the world would you even have kids if you want to carry on with your own life just the way it is??!! Why would you think that they aren't going to take time???

What is this world coming to? I'm just flabbergasted by this. And what's worse, when I went to try to find the story to link here, I googled things like, "more kids less happy parents" and "parents not happy" and I got article after article after article, you understand, about parents not being happy..BECAUSE THEY HAVE KIDS.

I have to imagine that these people being interviewed are not Christians. Although, I know some are. In the churches, no one thinks twice about things like birth control. No one thinks about the fact that the Bible consistently calls women with open wombs "blessed". Or about the fact that we are called to raise children for God. Now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely understand that there are infertile people out there, who are living Godly lives. I don't think they are not blessed. I truly believe they are called to adopt. It takes very special people to adopt, and I believe God calls them.

Selfish. That's what these people are. And I just don't understand. We have become so wrapped up in our own wants and needs that we don't ever look to others needs. How often do we do something for someone else, if it means sacrificing something we want to do? I'll tell you...not often. And I'm not just talking about you, or your neighbor, I am talking about me too. We are all guilty of this little demon called selfishness.

Oh boy, this entry has taken a turn. I didn't mean for it to be a rant. And honestly, I'm trying to add to my readers, not lose them. I'm sure I probably lost a lot with this one entry!

I just really cannot understand how people with kids can not be happy. Who else loves you unconditionally? Who else smiles at you, even when you are not always so happy with them? Who laughs at your jokes? Who gives you a hug, just because? Who? Your children, that's who. How can that not make you happy?

Please, accept my apologies if this post offended you, that wasn't my intent.

Psalm 127:2-4 (King James Version)

2It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.

3Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

4As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.

Lyrics, Before I go MIA

Before I leave for a bit, I wanted to share the lyrics of a song that has been speaking to me.
I've kind of been having a hard time lately, and it's nothing that anyone would understand. Well, unless you happen to be a CHD parent, then you probably would.
I went looking for the video yesterday, to post on my facebook page. Imagine my surprise to find a video about the inspiration for the song. It was inspired by the artist's friend, who has a CHD baby. And this song gets it. I can't explain what it is, but it's what the song gets.
Now that I've made zero sense at all, here are the lyrics. I added it to my playlist as well, so it could be playing as you read this.

Before the Morning, Josh Wilson


Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Chorus:
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,
before the morning,
yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

com'n, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
just the dark before the morning
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning

Christian lyrics - BEFORE THE MORNING LYRICS - JOSH WILSON

It's VBS time!

Yep, it's that time of year again! VBS time!
I love VBS. There is nothing better than watching kids learn about Jesus. LOVE IT!!
We are the directors again this year, so I am pretty busy.
Which is why I'm going to be disappearing for the rest of the week.
Not that I'm always so good about updating, but I'm trying to get better.
In fact, I have two separate contest/giveaway ideas in my head. The thing stopping me is what to give away.
You could help me with that. Let me know what would be a good prize and cause you to participate in a contest!
I'll be getting on the first one next week. So let me know what you want to win!

Another Almost Wordless Wednesday

Are you sick of entries that are nothing but pictures? I have other entries brewing, but I figure these are a good way to get all my pictures that I've promised for a very long time!
So here you have it. Another picture entry!

Some shots from our trip to Disney World. The picture of Emmie on the ferry is of her with my dad.

Did I happen to mention...

Emily has a broken elbow. Did you know this? Did I ever tell my dear readers this? Well, it's true. A month ago, she fell while playing with the kids at play practice. She immediately complained about her elbow. We thought she would go to sleep and wake up having forgotten about it. Instead, the next morning, she sat up, and screamed, "MY ELBOW!!" Off to the ER it was. All they could determine was that she had an effusion, and they suspected a radial head fracture. She was splinted for two weeks. After the two weeks, we headed back. They x-rayed her and said her elbow looked good, but that since she was still having pain, they decided to be conservative in their treatment. We were told two weeks in a cast, and then she would be good to go.
The two weeks was up today. We went. They took off her cast. They did x-rays. The next thing I knew, the doctor was telling us that now a fracture was definitely showing up. She is back in a cast for two more weeks.
This seems to be exactly what I've read about, regarding radial head fractures. For some reason, x-rays don't reveal them for several weeks.
I am so glad they decided to treat it as broken a month ago!
We are headed to Chuck E Cheese tonight. We had told her we could go swimming today. Poor thing.

We told her we were going swimming because last weekend my dad was in town. He started the older boys on scuba certification. So they spent the weekend in his hotel pool. The girls and I spent it at home. She so wanted to swim.

When it finally comes off..we will have to go swimming.

Did I also neglect to mention that Dillon broke his finger? It's so hard to recall what I wrote here and what I wrote on Facebook.

About a week before Emily broke her elbow, Collin fell off the couch. His knee landed on Dillon's finger. Breaking the tip of it.

Good grief, who knew a broken finger could be such an ordeal! First, the ER just gave us a splint. Said it was just cracked a bit. After two weeks, we went to the orthopaedist who said it was broken, at the growth plate. The ER didn't reset it or anything, so his finger has a permanent bend to it. Nothing major.

However, when I took Emily in today, he had a check up also. The doctor squeezed it, as usual, and he said it hurt. This far out, it shouldn't hurt. It is also pretty swollen. So, they ordered blood work to check for infection. The doc just called me and said it was all negative, so it's a skin infection. And now he has to take antibiotics for ten days.

All for a broken finger!!! Goodness gracious!

I hope we are nearing the end of this train. It feels like we've been living at the orthopaedics clinic. I'm ready to get on with summer!

(almost) Wordless Wednesday

Our stop in Lake Charles, LA., on our way to Disney World. April 2010

The End!

Oliver! ended yesterday.
I don't know if I ever talked about it here, so here's the skinny.
Tryouts for Oliver! were in March.
Dillon (11) got the role of Oliver!
Matthew (13) was a townsperson, pauper, and bow street runner.
Collin (8) and Zachy (6) were orphans and part of Fagin's gang.
And lastly, Matt (dh!) was Bill Sykes.
If you aren't familiar with the story, Bill Sykes is the villain of the show.
I am so incredibly proud of Dillon. He did awesome. He had several solos, including a song where he was on stage all alone. Not once did he seem nervous. Some of the time, I could see the adults shaking when they were singing, but not Dillon. I'm one proud mama!!
Matt was great too. He makes a really good bad guy. Which is so funny, because he is far from a bad guy. In one scene, he was supposed to hit his girlfriend. He just couldn't bring himself to hit her, so they let him grab her and push her to the ground. The first time he did it, he pushed her down, then stopped the scene and said, "are you ok???" She was such a trooper and did so great.
The other kids did great also. Matthew had a GREAT time being included as one of the adults. He really is teetering between wanting to be an adult and wanting to be a kid. He was so happy.
All things must come to an end though, and it's now time to move on to VBS.
Yesterday, was very sad for me. This is the last production we will do with these players. We will move before the next production. We have made such great friends, and I will miss them all so much.
I keep telling myself that the adventure that awaits in Ohio, will be just as great as the Texas adventure has been. And it will be. I'll just miss everyone here.
When it's all said and done though...Mine's a fine FINE LIFE!!!

~~I'm sorry to say, I don't have many photos from the show. I already posted what I have in the Worldess Wednesday post. Flash photography isn't allowed, and I was always holding a baby anyway. If I come across any, I'll try to post them.

Just Showing Off

Matt and Dillon have been doing stained glass pieces. It has been so great for them to have this hobby together.
Matt is currently working on a 4 foot by 6 foot piece for the church, with another lady.
He is also doing custom orders for people. It's pretty cool.
Here are a couple things they just finished up.
Dillon made this eye for our pastor's wife. She is starting her ophthalmology residency this year.


Matt made this for the same person. I wish the picture were better, because it is an amazing piece.

Thoughtful Thursday

Painted by Nathan Greene, this is arguably one of my favorite pictures.
I know this scene has played out several times in my own life. Well, not mine, but the lives of my children.
So many people prayed so hard for them, and I know that God heard those prayers, and He was there, guiding the surgeons hands every step of the way.
I've been thinking lately, and I have to say, I think that CHD parents are amongst the strongest people around. Only, I don't feel strong. Not at all. I know that most of them are leaning heavily on Christ. It's only by the grace of God that we have gotten through what we have.
People tell me all the time that they don't know how we do what we do. The reality is, we have no choice. These children are our precious gifts from God, and He has a plan for them. What are we to do? Deny that gift? I think not.
I am so thankful to know a kind and loving God, who wants nothing but the best for our family. He is so wise! He knows the perfect kids for us. He knows exactly what we can handle (and what we can't). Isn't it wonderful to know that there is someone out there in charge? That we aren't just walking around by chance. That whatever happens, there is a plan. It might not be our plan, but we are at peace with the knowledge that there is a plan. And His plan is far better than ours could ever be.
And just as He guides us day to day, I know He guides the surgeons hands when they are operating on our tiny little babies.
Thank you, Jesus, for all you do for us. We are so unworthy of your care, and yet, you give it without a second thought. You, my Lord, are mighty and wonderful. I cannot wait for the day when we are all together, worshipping you all day long, in Your presence.

Wordless Wednesday

Totally Random Edition