Wednesday, February 3, 2010

May be changing things

So, I've been having a really hard time dealing with all that has happened.
I just had my post partum appointment where we talked about depression. The doctor is convinced that I will come out of this on my own as Natalie continues to improve. The plan for now is to go back in a month to see how I'm doing. I decided I would start writing again, telling my story. Sort of a type of therapy for me.
The only problem I'm having is where to start.
I keep thinking of totally changing up my blog and making it just my story. I do all my updating about the kids on facebook anyway. But then, my story could get old. And again, where do I start? And do I tell my story as if to someone who knows nothing about us? I need to think about what would serve as therapy the best.
What is important to know, is that Natalie is currently doing well. Things were just so crazy. She is still on the formula, and I'm still pumping and praying that someday she'll come back to breastfeeding. I think when that happens I'll feel much better. Oh, and she is home. All our family has left, and Matt has gone back to work. The kids started school this week, and we are just trying to get life back on track.
As for me, I'm in an angry phase. Not angry with God or anything, just angry. I'm so so mad that this has happened again. I need to get through this, hence the reason for my writing it all out.
If you have any great ideas for how to begin writing, please let me know.


Jodie said...

I think writing is a great idea Bekki. A lot of people would agree that writing is a great therapy. I think you should give a short intro for the people who may not know you or your family very well and then start with the birth of Natalie. Lets face it...the people who are reading this know you. I read your update on facebook and am thrilled she is back to nursing!!! Woohoo!!

sagirl! said...

I wanted to tell you, I am sure you already have heard this... being angry is ok. For a while. Allowing yourself to get through the emotions is so important. Once again, I am sure you already know this.

When I found out I couldn't have children, I was so upset. I go through periods at times when I am angry. Not at God. Just angry because I want to be a mommy. I went through periods of sadness. I would cry every night. Then I come to the period of JOY. Because I know God has a plan for me. I can't see it now because of my limitations as a human.

I have been praying for you and your family. I am thankful to have been allowed to meet you and your family and I will continue to pray. You are a strong woman. You have to be! :) I am blessed to know you.

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