Friday, November 30, 2007

How to make him understand?

I'm really struggling with this right now. How do we help Zach understand why he will need surgery? How do we help him understand why he will be able to feel something inside his body?
We've told him a million times that God gave him a special heart, but that doesn't help when it comes to pain.
To him, he seems fine. He isn't sick, or hurting, or anything like that. Just tired. But that doesn't seem to bother him too much!
I just don't know. He's going to hurt. And he's not going to understand why. That's the worst part.
Funny thing, after he was done with the holter monitor, he looked at me and said, "Collin can wear the stickers next time" He was mad that they hurt coming off and wasn't going to do it again...Collin could. So funny.
Yes, I know the answer is that he won't understand. But still...I wish he could.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Lonely ol blog

I feel the need to write, only I don't know what to write about.
While unpacking boxes, I came across all my old journal entries. All of them since 2001. And I started reading.
I have grown so much in these last 7 years, changed so much, and yet, I'm still little ol me. But, I actually had something to say back then. Now, I struggle to find anything to fill this blog with. Partly, I'm a bit worried about who will find me. But I'm not going to let that run my life.
I just really feel as if I have nothing to say. So, I bore you with rambly boring posts. Lucky you!
Last night, I went to a Mended Little Hearts meeting. Thanks Maria, for telling me about it. It really is so great. I want to be part of this group so much. The problem is, they meet on Wednesday nights. Just once a month. But still, I'm committed to Adventurers. I'm the director, after all. It's really perplexing me. How might I be able to make it work. They do great things like hospital visitation. That's something I'd love to get in on. When Zach was born, logically, we knew we weren't alone, but there was no one around. No one ever came to sit with us and say, "We've been here...we know how you will be alright" In fact, it wasn't until we moved here that we met other heart parents. So, yeah, it's something I'd really like to do. Because it's lonely. And scary.
I'm waiting on the scheduling lady to call me back to schedule Zach's pacemaker surgery. We're doing it in January. Too soon for me. But, I know he'll be ok. God will take care of him. He always does.
Emily continues to be congested. The people who lived here before didn't have animals, so now I'm totally stumped. Because we live closer to the army post now, we've asked to change their pediatrician to one on post. Maybe the change will bring some answers with it. We'll see. For now, she is super needy, and super fussy.
And, she's now awake, so my moment of peace is over.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Holter results

We talked with the electrophysiologist yesterday. That's a big fancy word for cardiologist who specializes in pacemakers.
The results of the holter were good. Apparently, when the heart starts to slow down, it will start having spurts of rapid rates (tachycardia) in with the slow rates(bradycardia). Thankfully, Zachy hasn't gotten the tachy...yet. Once that happens, they say it is much harder to correct with a pacemaker.
So we are at a good point to pace. His heart, on average, beats 20 beats slower than it should. With it dropping into the 30s while he sleeps. He also has junctional rhthym. Both of these are pretty easily correctable with a pacemaker.
At this point, we have been given the option of pacing now or waiting. He will have to be paced soon anyway, and if we wait, we run the risk of waiting too long. Right now, his heart is swollen. We can correct that with a normal rhythm, but again, if we wait too long, it won't go back to it's correct size.
So, really, while we have the option to wait, it is best to proceed with the pacemaker.
We are looking at the second half of January. The kids are all in gymnastics, and we want him to finish out this session, which ends the 19th of January. He loves it so much, we can't bear to keep him from it.
As for me..I'm kind of having a hard time. It was one thing to talk about it before the holter. I think I was hoping they'd say it all looked great, no need to pace. But no such luck. Now it's real. And it's hard.
Logically, I know he'll be fine. But still...he's my baby. And there's always a risk. And it's scary!
I have faith that God will take care of him, and that's all I need. I just need to push any negatives out of my head.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

That was quick

We are back up and running! Woohoo!!
This has been the best move ever.
First, we love our new house. And are actually sad that we are just renting it for two years!
Second, if you ever have the chance to have movers come and pack you up and move you, I recommend it highly. This is the way to go. Pack in one day, move in the next.
We are settling in nicely. I almost have the kitchen unpacked, which always seems to be the hardest for me. It's tough trying to find a place for everything. I actually have plenty of room for all our "stuff" at this house. I was worried that the kitchen was a bit small, but in reality, it's big enough.
Matt is off for thanksgiving and Friday this week, so we will have a good long weekend to, hopefully, finish up.
Tomorrow, we have to go to our old house and clean it up for our final inspection on Monday morning. I'll tell ya, I could do without this part. Next time, I think we may hire cleaners.
So that's us right now..unpacking in a great new house.
Oh and great news...the family behind us has 6 kids and they homeschool. How cool is that??
Alrighty, I'm off to bed. Nighty night.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Ta Ta For Now

I just restarted this blog, now I'm leaving it! At least I warned you!
The packers come tomorrow to pack us all up. That includes the computer because we're stuck in the stone ages and don't have a laptop.
We are set to get internet service started on Friday, but who knows when we'll get to the computer. Soon, rather than later, I'm sure.
In the meantime, please say a little prayer for Z.
He wears his holter monitor tomorrow. We are hoping that it won't show anything unexpected and that we can wait on the pacemaker until after the holidays. Of course, my mom thinks the drs need to come up with a better answer than a pacemaker! I wish.
Alrighty dear readers, I'll see you on the flip side! Have a wonderful week.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007


As some of you know, my last blog is now gone.
This is due to some unfortunate circumstances that took place in real life. In an effort to be a bit hard to find I have renamed my blog and moved. Hopefully, it works!
Since we last "spoke" so much has happened.
First, we got news that we have to move. They are taking over our buildings and sending us to civilian housing. This is actually great, it was just really short notice and at a very stressful time in our lives. But, we will get through it. We move next week. This may the first post and last for awhile during the move. Hopefully not!
In other major news, we found out that Z needs to get a pacemaker. His heart is swelling. It's a huge bummer. Last year we were told that his heart was looking great. Now, not so much.
Thankfully, it isn't urgent, so we get to have the holidays and then in January or February he'll be getting paced.
There is so much going on, and yet I can't get it out. I've just spent a good long while setting this blog up, and now I'm tired, but alas, I'm back.
Hope you didn't miss me too bad!!
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