Monday, May 17, 2010

When I look in the mirror

As I stood looking in the mirror, I paused a moment and pondered what I saw.
Surely, what you see is far different from what I see.*
When I look, I see gray hairs, slowly taking their rightful place on my head. To me, they say wisdom. They say the years are passing, and I am learning more each and every day.
You may see someone who doesn't care enough about herself to cover them up.
I see creases at my eyes. You see an aging woman. I see millions of smiles. And tears. My eyes hold all the emotion I have experienced over the years, especially since becoming a mom.
I keep scanning downward. You may see saggy breasts that need a lift. I see six perfectly plump babies that these breasts have nourished. I am proud of this accomplishment.
Oh, please, don't look any further. If you do, you may feel the desire to judge me. The large belly may say lazy, unhealthy, fat person.
I see something much different.
I see an emotional eater. I see someone who has had her share of stress, and sleepless nights, all in the name of motherhood. I try to control the bulge, but I fail. I got this way, though, from years of overeating due to emotions. Loving my children so fiercely and not being able to take away their pain through the years has taken it's toll.
Scanning up and down, I see beyond the obvious. I see a woman who would die in an instant for her family. I see a heart so full of love that it feels like it may burst. I know I am beyond blessed.
If only we could look at everyone and see the not so obvious. What a world this would be!

*I long to see these things every time I look in the mirror, sadly, I often see the obvious. I'm working on this.

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