Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Spilling it

Lately, I'm really struggling with myself.
I am so unhappy with my body. I have been my entire life. I feel like a broken record, I know you have heard this all before.
My weight affects almost every part of my life. I hate meeting new people, because in my head, I am thinking that they are thinking what a fatty I am. I especially hate meeting new people with Matt, then I'm really certain that they are looking at us wondering what he is doing with me.
The one place it doesn't affect me is with Matt. I know, without a doubt, that he loves me, no matter what I weigh.
My kids like to tell me what a jiggly belly I have. It's awful.
You would think that this would be enough to do something. I started weight watchers last week, I did really well. Then this week came and I totally fell off the wagon, and I gained everything back. Which tells me that I lost water weight, but still.
I feel like such a huge failure. I hate that this consumes me, and yet I don't have enough will power to change this.
I sabotage myself. I tell myself that I need to lose weight, and I think that for a long time. Then I tell myself that I really just need to be happy with myself.
*sigh* I don't know..I just feel like a huge failure.

1 comment:

Tarrant said...

You aren't a failure. You aren't your weight. You are a beautiful mother, a beautiful woman. Tell yourself that, keep telling yourself that and start to believe it. The rest falls into line with your beliefs.

My kids talked about my marshmallowy body for years--I thought they meant it in a negative way--but they didn' was a plus for them, part of what made mommy mommy.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...