Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Our Decision

I've been asked about our decision to have another baby after having a heart baby.
I figured I'd write about it here.
I am aware that our decision is not the popular one, but that's ok.
To understand our decision, you sort of have to know some details.
After we had Zachy, we had no idea what we were going to do. We had always wanted lots of kids and hadn't made a decision about whether or not we would have more. We kind of assumed we would but had never said yes or no, for sure.
After awhile, I had my usual baby fever. I couldn't imagine not having another baby. Matt was pretty scared about ever having a heart baby again, but I was pretty confident that we wouldn't have to worry about that. After all, the chances of having another heart baby only raises to 3% after having one heart baby.
We finally had decided to just let go and let God.
Shortly after that, we were surprised to find out we were pregnant with Emily.
I won't lie, that pregnancy with her was super stressful.
Because of Zachy, I was given monthly level II ultrasounds and a few fetal echoes. I chose my doctor based on where she delivered. Everything I did was centered around having another heart baby.
Thankfully, it was all for nothing. Emily was born perfectly healthy. We were so thrilled and were reassured that the TAPVR that affected Zachy truly was just a fluke occurrence.
After that we were open to however many kids God wished to bless us with.
When Emily was 2, we learned we were pregnant again. I now had the doctor and my pregnancy went along like Emily's. Including the level II ultra sounds and fetal echoes.
We were in such shock when we learned she also had TAPVR. My pregnancy was pretty stress free because we didn't know, and we assumed it wouldn't happen again. I'm grateful for that.
We have now been told our chances of another CHD baby are pretty high. What to do.
We have talked and talked and prayed and prayed about this. The only decision that brings us peace is to continue to allow God to bless us with however many children he chooses.
I know so many people think we are crazy. And that's OK. When you are in constant turmoil over what to do, and when you both agree that the only decision that brings peace is to go on, you have to go with it.
Are we nervous that we will, at some point, have another heart baby? Absolutely. It terrifies me. However, missing out on a blessing terrifies me more.
We have been blessed in the fact that our children are OK and alive. We know how easily this could not be the case. And how it could turn out bad for future children. We have faith, however, that whatever happens, God is in control. He chooses when we live and die. His plans are certainly not always ours, but we have to have faith that they are best. Someday, all our questions will be answered.
Again, I realize that our choice is not the popular one. In fact, there are very few people I can think of who would choose to have more after what we've been through. It's OK though, because we are confident in our choice.
We won't ever consciously try for another baby, but we won't do anything, other than nursing, to prevent a pregnancy.
I hope this answers some questions people may have. I know that I always wanted to hear other's opinions when we were in the midst of choosing what to do. :)


Williams family said...

Beautiful post, Bekki.....God will bless you for your obedience to His plan! I PRAY that no more CHD enters your family! Love in Him, Jill

Mrs B said...

I am so pleased to read this - my heart broke, for you and for God, when I read ages ago that you couldn't imagine having another, after 2 with such serious health problems (though from a human perspective, it did make perfect sense!)
May God bless you richly for your faithfulness to Him.

Anonymous said...

So proud of you Bek that you put this out for all the world to read. You said it perfectly, and I am sure that it will help others who struggle with decisions that are so hard to make. Love you!

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