Friday, March 2, 2007

Maybe it's all just a dream

It really doesn't seem real that I am sitting here 37.4 weeks pregnant. It doesn't seem real that we will have a baby in this house soon. I have all the proof..the huge belly, the jabs, all the baby just doesn't seem real.
I remember being this pg with Zachy and feeling SO done. I was trying everything to get labor started. This time, I've done nothing. Of course, when I contract, I do tend to think, 'ok, now just keep on contracting and we'll get a baby' but it's just a passing thought, because I know I won't keep contracting!
I don't know what the deal is. Maybe it is my way of protecting myself. Maybe I am more afraid of something bad happening then I am even aware of. Even though, when I really stop and think about it, I am terrified. I just tend to push those thoughts out of my head.
I do find myself becoming anti-social. I do this. I do it when I'm first pregnant, and towards the end. I don't really have any desire to socialize with anyone. I'll go to the store with my family, but dread the thought of going somewhere where I have to actually talk to someone other than my family. I don't know why I get like this, it just happens.
Matt's work had a quaint little shower for us on Tuesday, and let me tell you, it was very hard for me to go. I did not want to sit around with people I barely know and act social. But we went. And it was fine. It's just something I don't enjoy doing right now.
Wednesday night, we took the kids to the top of the Tower of the Americas. It is our version of the space needle. It was actually quite fun. We just walked around and around and looked at all the lights of the city. Very pretty. Probably not something we'll do again, but it was nice to do it and to be able to say we did it. Kind of our last big family outing as a family of 6.
Let's see, what else. The weather has been beautiful here, making me want lots of flowers. I haven't done anything about that though. Matt tells me it's still too early. What does he know, anyway?? The trees are starting to bloom, so that tells me it's not too early. Maybe my mom will plant me some flowers while she is here!
Speaking of her, they are coming in on the 5th. The boys are really excited. The problem will be that now Collin is going to be used to seeing her every few months, and that won't be happening again!
Have a great weekend. Maybe I'll wake up from this dream sometime and report I've never been pregnant after all! Or maybe I'll come and say it wasn't a dream and now we have a baby!


Maria said...

hey girl!!! i guess things turned out different than what you hoped!! my thoughts and prayers are with you and that baby comes out and home SOONEST!!!! you are still in my thoughts!!! just call if you need anything....and i think it is called "nesting"?? don't worry about it!! you will be a family of 7 soon!! :)

Anonymous said...


Guess what? Sometimes I also don´t like to be sociable as well and I am not pregnant. It depends on how I feel or if I feel connected with the people that I should be talking to.

The end of any pregnancy is strange. For me it was... I didn´t feel like I wanted to be exposed. Moreover, I was tired of all the processes involved in the pregnancy. People sometimes treat you so differently. They talk to your belly, they touch your belly is like your belly almost talks for you...

Anyway, hope things go well on the delivery day.


Anonymous said...

38 wks today - yay! Now I'll be wondering everyday... ;-)

I'm feeling that way too (antisocial) and I'm a couple of weeks behind you. I think it's one of the ways God prepares us for birthing our wee ones. Keeps us from doing too much, allows us to focus on taking care of ourselves better when we are approaching our most vunerable time and keeps us close to home which in the "old days" was the place where it all happened (and will be for me ;-) ).

So don't worry...go with it, enjoy it. :-)

Tamara (AK)

RobinPregnancy said...

So you were just nesting - not being anti-social.

Anonymous said...

Hi again Bekki!

I left a prayer request over at the MOM board if you have time to go and read it.

Hope you are feeling well! :)

Tamara (AK)

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