Maybe it's all just a dream

It really doesn't seem real that I am sitting here 37.4 weeks pregnant. It doesn't seem real that we will have a baby in this house soon. I have all the proof..the huge belly, the jabs, all the baby items...it just doesn't seem real.
I remember being this pg with Zachy and feeling SO done. I was trying everything to get labor started. This time, I've done nothing. Of course, when I contract, I do tend to think, 'ok, now just keep on contracting and we'll get a baby' but it's just a passing thought, because I know I won't keep contracting!
I don't know what the deal is. Maybe it is my way of protecting myself. Maybe I am more afraid of something bad happening then I am even aware of. Even though, when I really stop and think about it, I am terrified. I just tend to push those thoughts out of my head.
I do find myself becoming anti-social. I do this. I do it when I'm first pregnant, and towards the end. I don't really have any desire to socialize with anyone. I'll go to the store with my family, but dread the thought of going somewhere where I have to actually talk to someone other than my family. I don't know why I get like this, it just happens.
Matt's work had a quaint little shower for us on Tuesday, and let me tell you, it was very hard for me to go. I did not want to sit around with people I barely know and act social. But we went. And it was fine. It's just something I don't enjoy doing right now.
Wednesday night, we took the kids to the top of the Tower of the Americas. It is our version of the space needle. It was actually quite fun. We just walked around and around and looked at all the lights of the city. Very pretty. Probably not something we'll do again, but it was nice to do it and to be able to say we did it. Kind of our last big family outing as a family of 6.
Let's see, what else. The weather has been beautiful here, making me want lots of flowers. I haven't done anything about that though. Matt tells me it's still too early. What does he know, anyway?? The trees are starting to bloom, so that tells me it's not too early. Maybe my mom will plant me some flowers while she is here!
Speaking of her, they are coming in on the 5th. The boys are really excited. The problem will be that now Collin is going to be used to seeing her every few months, and that won't be happening again!
Have a great weekend. Maybe I'll wake up from this dream sometime and report I've never been pregnant after all! Or maybe I'll come and say it wasn't a dream and now we have a baby!

Feeling desperate

This baby is no closer to having a name than she was 8 months ago.
At least by now, we had it narrowed down to two names with Zachy. Course we didn't use either of those names, but still!!
I'm feeling like we desperately need a name..soon. Will it just come to us when she is born? What if it doesn't? How can it be so hard to name our first daughter??

No baby yet

I was informed by my friend, Tommy, that I need to update to say whether or not I've had a baby. I figure you all will get REALLY tired of me saying, "no baby yet" But I'll humor him. No baby yet!
I don't have much else to write. I'm still sick. Zachy was up coughing last night, with a fever thrown in for good measure, but seems to be better today. Just coughy. Collin is currently being treated for an ear infection as well. And my dr was kind enough to perscribe some antibiotics, just in case this is bacterial.
I'm having a really hard time dealing with the fact that our last weeks together as a family of 6 is so filled with illness. Today, it was 82 degrees, and I so wanted to play outside with the boys, but my head is just full of so much pressure and I feel so crummy that I didn't do anything.
I keep reminding myself that I don't remember what we did in the last weeks before becoming a family of 6, so maybe it doesn't really matter. I don't know. I just know I want all this crud gone.
There's other stuff going on in the family, but I don't feel like writing about it. Just news we weren't expecting quite yet, and trying to process it all. So, if ya don't mind, keep us in your prayers. We'll get through it, we always do.
Anyway, that's about it, no baby and wanting to get well soon!

Baby Shower

My baby shower was yesterday and it was so much fun.
I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful church family who loves us all so much.
I've been washing lots of blankets and onesies and towels and and and..it looks like a giant pink monster threw up in my washing machine when I fill it up!!
I also got a bumbo chair (YAY!! the boys think this is especially cool, especially Collin, he just told me a bit ago that we can take her to the beach now and sit her in the bumbo hehe) and I got a monitor!! YAY ME!! And then just lots of clothes and little essential stuff.
A funny thing though...I got a doll, and some pink stuffed animals. They are all piled up on my dresser right now, and every time I pass by I have a fleeting thought of, "whose doll is that? we need to get it back to her" Then it occurs to me that it is OUR doll. It just sooo doesn't seem to belong in this house!! It's totally wierd.
Anyway, I Am sooo excited to have this baby. I swear, I can practically feel the velvety softness of her head cradled in my hand. *sigh* I can't wait....not much longer now.

Really enjoying this time

This pregnancy is in the home stretch.
Somehow, I managed to lose a couple months. I'm quite sure it was the holidays, but it was dragging, and now I can't believe how near the end is!
Being pregnant with a girl is definitely different than with a boy. I feel like she is really out there. Bending down is much more difficult than it was with the boys. I feel like they really nestled down inside me more.
Her movements are also totally different. I have always heard people talk about being able to feel a knee, or an arm, or any other body part. With the boys, I never felt that. I just felt general whollops. Little miss though, she's a different story. I can feel specific legs and arms and her little bottom. And it is so great! I love to watch my belly because she is always moving, and poking out in different areas.
Compared to when I was pg with Collin and Zachy, I am feeling great. I have some general aches and pains, but nothing nearly as terrible as what I went through with them.
My biggest complaint is complete and utter exhaustion. I have zero energy. I can't seem to get enough sleep, and I can't seem to get anything productive done. My house is falling apart, and it is killing me. And yet, I start to clean up, and I just can't. I am so tired. I don't remember feeling this exhausted with the others. Maybe I'm just old! I told Matt today, that at this rate, I just might opt for that epidural because I can't imagine having the energy to get through labor! I'm sure that adrenaline will kick in, but right now it just seems impossible to get through labor.
All in all though, this is a really enjoyable time for me. If only I could get some energy! Maybe I just need to eat a liver.

In other news, Matthew is doing much better. He had a follow up appt today with the pediatrician who said he was on the mend. Hooray!
All of the kids seem to be sick though. I can't tell if it is sick, or allergies. I am also totally stuffy. Matt was having major sinus pressure a few days ago, so who really knows what is going on.

On Sunday, my wonderful friends at church are throwing me a shower. I feel so loved. I have better friends here than I have had in a long time (and you know that doesn't include you Michelle!!). They have become my family here, and I am so grateful to them. Yeah, Theresa..I'm talkin about you!! I love ya!
OK, I'm off to bed, I'm so tired.

Just a quickie

I had my 32 week appt yesterday, and everything went well. I'm measuring big. Big surprise. My blood pressure was lower than it's ever been.
Which is amazing considering Matthew was feeling totally under the weather, and stressing me out. We were able to get him to the dr, and then to the ER to find out he has an infection. Poor thing. He is pretty miserable right now. But hopefully the antibiotics will clear things up. He follows up with a dr next week sometime.
Dillon and Matt have been hit hard with allergies the last couple days, so they are pretty miserable as well.
Thankfully, the other 3 of us are doing great. I am always extremely tired, including now, so I'm off to bed.

A simple little project...

So in Science we are studying about the ocean. And have studied sandy beaches and rocky shores. The boys were supposed to take some sand paper and create a sandy beach. I left this project for Matt to help them with, because he is definitely the more creative one. I told him that they needed to create a beach, with animals that would be there, shells, and a strandline. I then went to the store.
This is what I came home to!! Simple..HA!!

~~~ Edited to add..you really can't tell, but Matthew's has a swimming area, sun bathers, a bird, a sting ray, a shark, a turtle, sea grass, jelly fish, a crab, and even a bottle of sunscreen. The boy's got some talent.












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And because Robin asked so nicely, here is a 32 week belly shot. It is really a bad bad picture. But alas...complete with stretch marks..my belly.

Ultrasound yesterday

My u/s went really well yesterday.
We were finally able to see that her lip is INTACT!!! And her nose as far as we can tell, but that one is a bit trickier!
Also, they did the echo, and as far as we can see, her heart looks great.
The doctor said we could repeat it later, but really, I'm ok now. I will have them do one when she is born. Not to mention that yesterday's set me back $100. Wasn't expecting that. Oh well.
Anyway, she is such a wiggle worm, and the doc kept giggling, which is so unlike her. She said, "I try and grab a picture and she moves"
She is sooooo cute. I want her now. Well not really, cause she only weighs 2 lbs 4 oz. So she can bake.
I am so frustrated with pictures though, I have yet to get a really good one. I did get a good one of her lips and nose, but that's it. Oh, and her other lips!! Matt looked and said, "oh, I guess that's pretty obvious" FINALLY HE COMES TO HIS SENSES!!!!

Run down on the hospitals

OK, so we toured the methodist hospital last night. And I am so glad we did. I do NOT want to deliver there.
As far as the labor and delivery rooms go, they are both quite equal. Except for the fact that there are a gazillion at methodist. However, baptist seemed a little homier and peaceful. There were signs everywhere at methodist saying that videotaping was not allowed. At baptist you aren't allowed to videotape any medical procedures. But there were signs in the halls, on the doors, by the nursery, everywhere..saying it wasn't allowed. Which makes me suspicious.
Anyway, at methodist, after the baby is born they take the baby to the nursery. Because that is "the ideal environment for the baby". And they keep the baby there for 1-3 hours. Ummm, last time I checked, the ideal environment was with the mommy. As soon as we heard that, Matt and I were like, "nope, we won't be delivering here" At baptist, they do all of the weighing and measuring and bathing in your room. The pediatrician will even come see the baby in your room, your baby never has to go to the nursery.
As if that weren't bad enough, we went around the corner to find yet another nursery, where you are encouraged to send your baby so you can have a break and sleep. I wanted to scream. The nursery was full of babies. It was like being in the 60s. We were the only veteran parents there and I could see the glee in these ladies eyes when they were being encouraged to leave their babies there for as long as the want. I do NOT want to be at a hospital that is so not attachment friendly.
I could be overly sensitive. When Zachy was born, I wanted nothing more than for him to be in my room, with me. And he couldn't be. And there were other, perfectly healthy babies, in the nursery, crying for their mommies. I wanted to go bang on their doors and say, "listen, you have been given a gift, you have a healthy baby that you can keep with you...NOW DO IT" So yeah, it bugs me to see so many babes away from their moms. That is NOT natural. It is not the way things were intended to be. And it shouldn't be encouraged!! Makes me mad, can you tell??
Anyway, based on these things, I will be begging my dr to let me deliver at baptist, and I will not be letting my baby out of my sight. That's the way it was intended to be.

Belly Pic

I have several pics of the kids that I need to upload and put here. But it's all time consuming, so for now, here you go. Me at 24 weeks.

Ultra sound yesterday, and a pic of the family

So yesterday I had my ultra sound. It went like this.
She put the wand on my belly and looked at the screen.
Her, "Did you already know you are having a girl?"
Me, "well that's what you thought we might be having last time"
Her, "this baby is definitely a girl!"
So, there you have it. A BABY GIRL!!! FOR US!! WOW!!!
Everything that she could see looked good, but the stinker had her hands in front of her face the whole time so we couldn't see if there was any clefting. And her heart is still too little to know much about other than having 4 chambers.
She weighs 14 ounces now...and is cute as a button already! I can't wait to meet her!
I go back in a month, and hopefully we'll see her face that time!
Awhile ago our church had a church directory made where Olan Mills came and took pictures. Of course we had to buy some.
Here's the family pic. It is really centered better, but it is an 11x14 and wouldn't fit all the way on my scanner.

It's not a trick

But it certainly isn't a treat, either!
I'm half way done today!! So here is a belly shot, complete with my head, for you Robin!
See, I'm easy, all you have to do is ask!!

Turns out I'm not the only optimist

This came in the mail yesterday from my in laws. Matt can just be a pessimist by himself!

What do you all think??

Alrighty, so I know this is just too silly for people like my mom and Matt, but I took a picture of my u/s video at the "girl" part.
So the question is....is this a girl??

Why I never call maintenance

We had to turn all our gas off the other night. And now the pilot light on the water heater won't work. I called maintenance yesterday, and told them about that and a few other things, assuming it would all be the same people.
Well, water heater man came out and determined that the water heater needs to be replaced, and if we're lucky, it will be today.
So here I sit, waiting for him to come with a water heater. And it isn't the same person that comes for the other stuff, so now I have to wait for another person to show up too. Which could take up to a week.
I have things I need to do. Like go pick up Collin's glasses, and go grocery shopping. But I can't, because I'm stuck here, waiting on them.
This is why I never call. I hate waiting on them. We won't even mention that they are all creepy and I hate being here with them.

Anyway, onto better things.

Since I didn't post a picture of Zachy last time, here he is. With all his dum dums.
Matt says he sure is getting skinny! You be the judge!



And because I just couldn't resist. And yes, all you skeptics out there, I did keep the receipt!!!

Fightin back the tears

I've been teary eyed almost constantly since yesterday.
We went to Target, and were looking around the baby stuff.
Did you know that itty bitty girls, wear itty bitty tights? And things that say, "princess" or "sweet girl" not "champ" or "baby boy"? It's like a whole different world.
I wistfully felt all the soft pink fabrics and prayed they would be mine soon. And I started my dreaming.
A daughter. For us. Forever. It still leaves me speechless. I can't think of words to describe how I feel about this. Just...surreal.
Tears come to my eyes when I think of how a little girl will fit into our family. Will she be a girlie girl? Or a tomboy? Whatever she is, she'll be perfect. And she'll fit in perfectly.
I'll have a daughter.
And some of you have asked me how Matt feels about this. He says he doesn't believe them. But to tell the truth, I don't believe him. I think he's just afraid of getting his hopes dashed.
Matt has wanted a little girl since I was pregnant with Matthew. Before, actually. She already has him wrapped around her tiny little finger, and neither of them are even aware of it. I can picture him with his little girl. She will be his princess. She will be the apple of his eye. Of course he loves his sons more than anything, but a little girl...wow. I think of it, and the tears come, instantly.
I think of them at her wedding (yes, a long ways off, but I know how fast this all goes!!) I can see the look on his face when he walks her down the aisle.
Yes. This is a very, very good thing. And I am oh so grateful that accidents happen.
Who knows, she may even complete our family. You'll never get me to commit to that though...she may need a sister!! ;-)

U/S pic

I have two entries I need to write, but I am super tired right now. Maybe later I'll get my second wind.
For now, here's my baby!! Isn't she the cutest thing you've ever seen???

Claiming it!!

OK, I've decided that I am going to embrace the idea of a girl! I will dream, and probably even buy something (leaving the tags on of course). And then, if we find out we are wrong, then at least I will have lived the dream of a daughter for a month! I just hope it doesn't make me too disappointed.
But honestly, I'm not like jumping up and down excited. It is so hard to wrap my head around the thought of anything but a boy. It seems so surreal.
I'll probably just get my head around it when they say, 'oh it's a boy!' Oh well, such is life I guess!

What I know

OK, here's what I know from the u/s.

Baby has a 3 vessel cord, and a 4 chambered heart. Baby was sitting on it's face in a ball, so we weren't able to tell if there is any clefting. Also, the pulmonary veins are way too little to be seen right now.

Brain looks good, arms and legs look good, and belly and kidneys look good. Baby weighs a whole 6 ounces!! Sooo sweet. :-)

Shockingly, they suspect this baby is a GIRL!!!! Baby was sitting on it's feet when they were looking, but they insist they saw two white lines indicating labia! I sooo badly want to believe this, but am scared to get my hopes up way too high. If anyone has early labia pics I'd LOVE to see them! I can tell you that I definitely didn't see a turtle. I may have a daughter. Wow. How will that ever sink in???

At any rate, I go back on November 6, and will most likely have monthly u/s, and later on we'll do a fetal echo.

All I know is I am head over heels in love with this little baby, and can't wait to meet her. (Can I say that????)

So exciting

Since today is a federal holiday, my hubby got to stay home with us!
We had to go get Collin's glasses fixed so decided to stop by Babies R Us on the way home.
Oh, it was so exciting!! We have scoped out the big ticket items we will be needing. I think we are pretty certain on what we are getting, it's just a matter of when we'll be getting it.
It kind of stinks that Christmas falls right in the middle of this pregnancy. We really can't wait till after Christmas to start buying, because we need to space it out a little bit more, but with all the gifts we have to buy as well, it could get pretty tight. I told Matt today that an August baby has it's benefits!
Anyway..tomorrow is the big day! Let's all pray for good news, shall we??