Friday, December 12, 2008

This is me, at 33.

Yesterday was my birthday! I'm thirty-three now. And it seems a significant number. You only get those doubles every eleven years. This coming year will be special for Dillon since it will be his first ever double!
At any rate, I've decided, this is the year I vow to truly love me.
I looked in the mirror the other day, and I saw something unfamiliar.
I saw stretch marks that are the reward for the five biggest accomplishments of my life.
I saw saggy breasts that sag from years of not only nourishing, but comforting those five children I love so much.
I saw extra pounds packed on during the most stressful of times. Made stressful simply because I love these people so deeply. To watch others go through what my kids go through wouldn't affect me nearly as much.
I saw dark circles under my eyes. They were the result of little sleep. I had been up the night before nursing a sick Emily. They spoke of love to me.
The very best thing I saw was wrinkled creases at my eyes. Crows feet. But guess what. When I frowned and made a face I might make while crying, they weren't there. In fact, there were no wrinkles there. However, when I smiled, and laughed, they were. This is proof to me that my life is much more about laughter and smiles than about frowns and sorrow.
I looked deeper. I saw a heart that should be burst right open. I can't describe how much love is bursting out of my heart. Both my love for others, and their love for me. I must be the luckiest person alive!
I saw compassion. I saw a person able to empathize with many in a way most people cannot. Not because I'm so much better, but because I've been there.
I saw a mature woman.
My mom said this would happen when I turned thirty, but no. It's happening now.
I'm learning that I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to look perfect. Those that matter love me no matter what. And I'm so glad.
Yes, this is my year. I may not lose all this weight. I may not be the perfect mom. I may not be the perfect wife.
But I will be me. And I will love me.

4 comments:

Jenni said...

Hi!!! VERY good post! I've very proud of you!!! ;o)

And, I love the pics...totally made me smile! Tell Dillon I like his braces...for real! ;o) We have a special connection now. lol

Love ya!!!

Shell said...

I'm so glad you figured out what I've known from the first time I met you. :) Love you!

gina (uk) said...

You know I look at my battered body and am glad it looks like this due to having 4 kids, I would not want it any other way.

You are one beautiful woman inside and outside and the only thing I hate about u is that u are 33 and I am 39 ! lol

Love ya.

Anonymous said...

I stumbled upon your blog and I I loved it! I too am a mother of 4 wonderful boys and 1 gorgeous girl. I am 38 and I see much of the same things as you when I look in the mirror! I too have decided that it is time to turn my (some) attention to myself! Good luck and I will look forward to reading more of your blogs!

www.faithfullcircle.com

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