Merry Christmas

Thank you, Jesus, for coming to us in the form of a baby. Your only purpose was to save us. What a wonderful gift.
We love you, Jesus. Happy Birthday!!

Once again, I marvel

Once again I'm marveling at God's wisdom.
Last year, at this time, I was heavily pregnant.
Christmas Eve would make me 37 weeks.
Due to a blood clotting issue, my doctor induced me at 37 weeks with Emily. We assumed the same would hold true this time.
I have always wanted a Christmas baby. I cannot imagine a better Christmas gift than a new baby.
I was so excited. This might finally be the Christmas babe I'd dreamt of.
And why not? If the doc induced me right at 37 weeks before, surely she would this time.
I knew no doctor would want to work during the holidays if they had a choice, but I still held out hope.
Except, part of me was nervous about having a Christmas baby. I told Matt that part of me really wanted a Christmas baby, but part of me was terrified. What if something was wrong with this baby? What if this baby passed away? I didn't want Christmas to forever be marred with that memory. Or the memories of open heart surgery.
I knew. Deep inside, I knew.
I look back and I marvel at God's wisdom. I can celebrate Christmas with nothing but the memory of being pregnant. Joyful memories of life within me.
You see, memories of NICU stays and open heart surgery days...they stay with you. Even if your baby goes on to be healthy, those days, they haunt you. January 11 will come, and I will remember the events of that day. I will vividly remember the feelings, seeing her for the first time, the swollen baby, the vent, the incision...all of it will come rushing back.
For Christmas though, only sweet memories linger. I am so grateful.
Thank you God, for always doing what is best for us, even when we dig our heels in and think we know better than You!!

Sweet Memories

Years ago, sixteen to be exact, Matt and I had no money.
We were blessed enough to have family with friends that allowed us to stay in their house, rent free, as long as we were fixing it up.
We were also blessed enough to have family that was doing all the work for us.
We were lazy. I look back at that moment in time and am ashamed. We complained about the house. Complained about people being there early to work. We were selfish.
This post isn't about that. Thank goodness for forgiveness, so we can move on from there!
At that time, we didn't have a washer or dryer. Once a week we would head to the laundromat(I can't believe we used to get by doing laundry once a week. ONCE!! Now I do several loads each day!!). The laundromat was in a strip mall type building. Next door was an arcade. We would load our laundry into the washer and head next door. We would play games. We each had our favorites, but we would always go back to a game that had cars side by side. We would race each other. Matt would beat me every single time. We would laugh and have a great time. We didn't have much money, so we would only play a few games. I will never forget the days of racing Matt.
During this move, all of our belongings are in storage. The only things we brought are the things we could fit in the back of the van, and in Matt's car. We didn't trust the movers with our TV, so it rode in the backseat of Matt's car. We figured there wouldn't be much to do, so we brought Guitar Hero with us.
Matt and I have spent so much time playing the Beatles Guitar Hero. Sometimes just us, more often with the kids. We still laugh.
It brings me back to those days, sixteen years ago, when it was just he and I, racing each other, every week.
Our lives are so much fuller now. So much better. But those are still sweet, sweet memories to me.
How I love that man, more and more every day.

Everything but the Kitchen Sink

Just some random thoughts and goings on.

~I turned 35 on Saturday. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. In so many ways, I still feel like a kid. However, in others, I feel ancient. My hair is getting more and more gray, almost by the day. I like to think it is from wisdom, and all that we have been through. I'm not sure when to embrace it, and not feel the need to pluck it or cover it up. Matt says now, my mom says when I'm 75. At least we all know what she does! ;-) I also keep thinking about the fact that if I was pregnant, I would be considered Advanced Maternal Age. Advanced??? Am I really THAT old??

~Church last weekend was really, really good. It was the week of the Christmas program. So many people were involved, and they even invited Collin and Zachary to be shepherds, and for Emily to be a sheep. They were so cute. They also invited Matthew and Dillon to do a reading. Matthew declined, but Dillon did it. Afterwards, everyone was so friendly. We stayed for the fellowship meal and had a really good time. We are pretty confident that we've found our home.

~The kids started pathfinders and it seems like it will be a good fit. This next weekend the group is going out visiting. Saturday evening, we will drive to Cincinnati and go to the nativity event at the Creation Museum. I'm excited and hope it is a good opportunity for the kids to get to know the other pathfinders better.

~Friday, I took the kids to a new homeschool drama group. It is mainly for teens and they are just starting out. They did a fall follies and will be putting on Annie Get Your Gun in June. It seems like a really great group. Since it is for the teens, I think we may take Collin and Zachy to another group that is having auditions in February. It seems to be more of a children's theater.

~Things keep coming up with the house. Things we didn't expect to be dealing with, and while we are working it all out, it sure has taken the joy out of buying a house. We are still set to close on the 23rd, but time will tell if that happens.


~The medical care here is..well..I don't know. First, I took Matthew to an appointment with his PCM so we could get a referral to the ophthalmologist. They quickly informed me that at this base there is no continuity of care. What this means is that every time we are seen, it will be by someone new. In our case, this doesn't fly well. We need a doctor who is familiar with everyone. I don't know what to do about this. But wait, it gets better. I talked with the cardiologist's nurse today about what to do with Zachy's phone monitoring, and about whether or not the kids need to be seen right now. She scheduled them and asked why they were being seen. I told her they both had TAPVR. She asked me to spell that, and then when I told her it was initials she said she'd never heard of it. I had to explain what it was. OK, I know it isn't common, but she is the cardiologist's nurse for heaven's sake. This has me more than a little worried!! The good news is, there isn't much of a wait for appointments and they will be seen on Wednesday. Wish us luck!


~In all, things are going well. I'm still struggling with being lonely, but that should improve soon...I hope.

Where do I belong?

I feel totally alone.
Since we have moved I feel lost. I realize it's only been a couple weeks, but it's still lonely.
My natural tendency is to turn to the Internet. Over the years I've been a part of several different Email lists and message boards.
They have ranged in topic from trying to conceive, to miscarriage survival, to due date clubs, to homeschooling, to heart groups.
Only now, I don't seem to fit anywhere. I fit everywhere, and yet no where.
And it's lonely.

Zachism

This deserves it's own post.
This morning, the kids and I were having worship.
We were talking about easing one another's burdens.
I asked Zachy and Collin if they knew what a burden was.
I was surprised when Zachy said he did.
He then told me he had heard a song about it.
I was mentally wracking my brain, trying to figure out what song he could possibly be talking about, when he started singing.


"I fell in to a burden ring of fire...."

Oh my goodness, I cracked up. All I could think was that this would have made a GREAT Reader's Digest story!

The post that has no title

Tonight probably isn't the best night for me to be writing.
I'm a bit down tonight.
There's actually a whole entry I'd love to write, but I can almost hear people's thoughts. Unless you've walked in our shoes, there is no way you could understand, so I don't even think I'll bother trying to explain it.
I just want to write it out. I guess the old fashioned paper journals still have their place. There isn't anywhere online that I feel safe. Too many judgements can be made, and it just isn't worth it.
Instead, I'll write about Ohio.
It's weird.
I know I said this about Texas too, but it just is.
It's hard to imagine Ohio ever feeling like home.
So far, we've visited two churches. The first was way too big for us. No one talked to us, and it was just..blah. The second holds more promise.
It seems, though, that people around here just float from church to church, and in fact some have told us that that is what they do. They go to whatever church happens to be having something fun going on. Apparently, this particularly applies to the youth.
The only problem with that is that we want to have a home. We don't want to go here and there.
It's strange too, the whole area has one Pathfinder club. We took the older boys to the meeting on Tuesday and it seems to be OK. It's just so bizarre to us to have one choice. I mean, if we don't like it, there is no where else to go. Same with Adventurers, but we haven't tried that out yet. In fact, I think there might be a meeting this Sabbath. However, it's supposed to snow on Sabbath, several inches. It's been so long since we've driven in snow, that we are both a little hesitant to drive the great white in anything slick. We are worried that a van that heavy will just slide around like crazy. So, we'll see what we decide to do.
I'm feeling pretty lonely right now.
Matt has started back to work. His whole section moved up here, so he is working with all his old friends, and nothing but location has changed for him.
I am so very glad I have six children. I know that has made this easier for them, having each other. I know they still miss their friends, but they are all fairing quite well.
I'm trying to put a happy face on for them, but this part is hard. It takes awhile to get used to things, and to meet people. It doesn't help that people here don't seem all that friendly. Everyone seems so hurried, and that they don't have time for you. There was one lady at pathfinders that may be a potential friend. *sigh* Who knows. Time will tell. And it will get easier, I know this. It will just take awhile.