Monday, April 13, 2009

This is not good, not good at all...

Yesterday was our nephew's birthday.
He is the eldest child of Matt's brother.
He turned five years old.
Five is a big milestone. It is going from little boy, to big boy. It's a rough one for many mommies.
As I was thinking about him and how his mommy must be feeling, this thought popped into my head...'he's five, they still get 13 years with him, that's good'.
OK, now, I realize this may sound illogical. But in my twisted little head, people grow up and get married when they turn 18. It happened that way for me, why not everyone? I realize that in reality, we are the minority. Oh, I hope so.
Because the very next thought in my head was, 'oh dear...Matthew is almost 13, leaving us a mere 5 years with him'


NO!! This cannot be. That isn't long enough!!!

People used to say we would be so glad when our kids get to be that age, and we will want them to leave.

I cannot see that happening. I can't fathom it.

We only have five years to get things right. I worry every day about screwing up my kids, and somewhere in the back of my mind I figure we'll get it of these days.

But one of these days is going to be here and gone before I get it right.

This isn't good. Five years?? Five more years to be able to fully enjoy my boy? The one who made me a mother? The one who means so much to me? The one who makes me laugh every. single. day?

I'm sure I'm overreacting, and maybe he won't fly the coop in five years. And even if he does, that doesn't mean our relationship is over. But it will never be the same. When he flies, he'll take a piece of my heart.

How did we get here?

One of my favorite songs has always been 'Beautiful Boy' by John Lennon. Mainly because of one line...

Life is what happens to you
while your busy making other plans.

Boy, isn't that the truth.

I'm vowing to embrace every moment with my kids, because they are gone, way too fast.

Can I just say that my biggest desire for him is that in five years, in twenty-five years, for the rest of his life that he is still unashamed to say he loves Jesus.

*yes, I realize this is all a bit dramatic, but it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I had to write it down.


Anonymous said...

s almost 17.5 and at this point I'm like YAY only 6 more months - crap make that a year so she can finish high school!

Gina said...

*sigh* Five was a hard age...I knew it would be, but man, how is it possible that he is a big boy already? He's wanting to grow up so fast, too, already knowing that he gets to drive at 16...he now can't wait to be 16. I just need him to slow down a little bit!!

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