Fun in the Sun

It has been so beautiful here. In the upper 70s-mid 80s. Perfect weather.
Sunday, we decided it was time for Zachy to ditch his training wheels. We headed off to the bike path on base. It happens to go by a pond, so we parked there and fed the ducks and turtles for a bit.
By the end of the day, Zachy was able to go little distances. He needs to realize that he needs to keep peddling to make things easier. In due time.

Happy Birthday, Baby

Two years ago, our lives changed, once again.
Emily Jean came to us a tiny, red, screaming ball.
Now she is an adorable, happy toddler.
She is my little helper. She especially loves to take the boys' lunch to the table for them, and to help me fold the laundry.
We've had our struggles with her, but as long as her reflux meds are working, she is such a happy little girl.
Her speech could probably be better, but she gets across what she needs to get across.
She has all of us wrapped around her little finger, especially her brothers.
She is my daughter. I never dreamed I'd have a daughter after four sons. She is so different from them, and I love it. She is such a little mommy to her babies.
Time is passing far too quickly, and at the same time, I can't wait to see what the future holds for her.
One thing is certain, we have been so blessed and our lives are so much better with her in them.
Happy Birthday, Bug..I love you more than you can imagine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We went to a pizza place Saturday night to celebrate her birthday while Matt was in town.



How did I get such a beautiful daughter??



Yummy...birthday cupcake..




We got her a lot of clothes for her birthday. She held every item up for a picture.



Even the shorts!



What a cutie!



She LOVED the play set there.

Alone

Do you ever feel entirely alone in the world?

Like you are the only one going through trials and tribulations? And you can't show yourself to the world, because you have to appear like everyone else?

Do you ever feel like you are the only one who battles internal demons?

I know this is foolish. I know we all have our own battles. It is so hard to see this when you look around and see anything but people fighting battles. I know other people are struggling. I know other people are beyond stressed. I just feel like I'm the only one who isn't strong enough to handle it. I feel weak. I am weak.

I told Matt the other day that I am weak and have absolutely no idea how in the world I have managed to get through my adult life when it has been almost constant stress. Don't get me wrong, we definitely have our non stressful times. Times when we are just flitting through life without a care in the world. But those times seem so overshadowed by the stress we have endured. I am so grateful to have Matt beside me through the good and bad.

I don't know where this post is going, because really, today is a very good day. Not much stress. There are upcoming tests to be done, which will be stressful, but I'll survive.

And I know that ultimately, maybe I'm not as weak as I feel. I've made it this far, that must say something.

OK, ignore this whole post..it is rambly and doesn't make any sense..and today is a good day...it's just been a stressful week.

YAY Maria!!

My friend, Maria, has a little boy born with the same heart defect as Zachy.
She just told me they got their wish granted through Make-A-Wish and will be headed to Disney in April.
I'm so very happy for them...they deserve some carefree time!!

This is not good

Matt is in Ohio for the week. He will return home late Friday night, be home Saturday, and fly out to Arizona on Sunday. Bleh.
I'm exhausted. Just wiped out. I tell you, this is not a good way to start out single motherhood.
And just in case you were keeping track, my sweet little baby will be TWO on March 3. We will have a little family celebration on Saturday when Matt is home. I have no idea what to get for the little darling, and I'm sad there are no friends to share a party with, but it's ok. We'll have our own little shin dig....as long as I don't die from exhaustion first!

Crazy Busy

It's been hard to sit down long enough to write an entry. I'm not sure I'll get through this one either, but I'll try.
School has us very, very busy. We are starting some new things. Matthew and Dillon are participating in the Science Fair this year, so we've been brainstorming. My sister recommended growing bacteria, of course Dillon jumped on that idea. So he will be doing a bacterial experiment of some sort. And Matthew will be growing plants using different types of lights. I'm excited that they are getting this opportunity. I never participated in a science fair, and honestly don't ever remember our school holding one.
We are also taking a stab at lapbooking.

Lapbooking can be done by any learner-- from preschoolers to adults. With this educational method, you make mini-books covering details that you've studied. After making a variety of mini-books about a larger topic, all the books are put together in a large folder. The finished product is called a lapbook because it's large and covers your lap.

The completed lapbook will serve as a review tool as your children refer to it over and over again. And if you have to keep a homeschool portfolio to document learning each year, lapbooks can be a very impressive addition- from http://www.squidoo.com/lapbooking

I've been wanting to try this for years, but it always seemed like so much work. It is not at all. It's fun! I decided that we would learn about Disney World before our trip. So in addition to our regular schooling, we are doing a study of Disneyland (since it was the original). The kids are having a blast with it, and when we are done, I'll post pictures.

The Pathfinders hosted a valentine's banquet at church to help them raise money for Osh Kosh. They raised about $500, but it was an awful lot of work. Matthew told us that night that he was never going to be a pathfinder director because it was too much work. Poor kid!

Emily is doing better after her last med raise. I think, though, that it won't be too awful long before we have to go up again. I cannot believe that her birthday is right around the corner. March 3 will be here soon, and she'll be 2 years old. How did that happen? She has renewed our love for Sandra Boynton books, especially 'Blue Hat, Green Hat'. They have to be the best books ever written. We've also discovered that she is awfully cute in orange! Who wouldda thunk??

Our healthy living group at church is trucking along, and I'm down 9 pounds. It seems to be going soooo slow. It's frustrating. But with the support of the ladies at church, I'm not giving up!

And finally, please keep Zachy in your prayers. He is back to tiring out easily. I hate that. I assume it will be another adjustment to his pacemaker. I just wonder if it will be a life long thing, this tiredness. He is supposed to see his doctor in May, but I'm going to try to get the appointment in April instead since we will be gone most of May.

Phew! That was long, and it took me a very long time to write it. I had to read books and play a game of Candyland during the writing of this post. Thanks for hanging out with me for this long!

CHD Awareness Week

This has been CHD Awareness week, tomorrow is CHD Awareness day.
I'm reposting the information I posted last year.

~~1 in 85 babies in the US will be born with a CHD. This does NOT include the babies who are lost during pregnancy.

~~CHDs are the most common type of birth defect, and the #1 cause of DEATH from a birth defect

~~CHDS are 2 times as likely and kill 2 times as many children as cancer EVERY YEAR

~~ There are 35 known types of CHDs

~~Most Drs believe that CHD is a genetic defect, but new research shows that mothers who take antidepressants and painkillers while pregnant raise the risk of CHD by 3 times.

~~Many children born with a CHD will not live to see their first birthday

~~CHDs are not always found at birth. Some are found years later. And sometimes after death, when it is too late.

~~CHD can NOT be cured. The heart will NEVER be normal. It must be treated for life.

~~Only one penny of every dollar donated to the American Heart Association goes towards pediatric cardiology research.

So many people do not know about CHDs...it doesn't make the news like cancer does. Why is this? The word needs to get out so that research can be done. Zachy's surgery has only been performed for about 40 years. So much can happen in the future, but research needs to be done!!

Hug your children today, and thank God for their hearts...even if they are special hearts.

Just a quick update on Em

For those of you who have been asking, Emily is still struggling.
She went back to the doc yesterday who increased her reflux meds. The doctor is actually doing a gastro rotation right now and talked with the docs there about Emily. They said to increase her meds two more times, and if no improvement to refer her to them so they can scope her.
I really don't want to have to go down the scoping path, so we are praying that the meds will help.
Part of me thinks maybe she is just a difficult child, but then I remember December and part of November and January. She was so pleasant, and happy. It is really easy to get into the thinking that this has always been and probably always will be, because we are talking one and a half months out of 23 that she has been ok.
So there you go, update on Miss Emily.

Warm Fuzzies

As you may or may not know, Matt and I are very involved in children's ministries in our church.
Matt leads the junior class and pathfinders. I float and cover for Kindergarten and Cradle Roll when the need arises and help lead Adventurers. Until this year, we were VBS directors.
We love being involved with the kids.
Today, a family gave us a card and a little gift (ok it was a big gift..one I am still shocked about) and thanked us for being such a good influence on their kids and that they appreciate us and all that we do.
Wow. Someone cares about what we do.
It makes us feel good!

I need more..

hours in the day? days in the week? Something. I need more time. Don't we all though?
This week I dropped my Bible study. I just couldn't do it anymore. I have something going on almost every night of the week, and it was just too much.
But now, I want to add weight watchers. What a foolish idea. If I don't have time for Bible study, how will I have time for WW? Here's my plan. There is a meeting on Tuesday at 6. I have another meeting at church at 7. Maybe I can just do both, and not see Matt much that night. Ugh, I just don't know.
School is going really, really well these days. It is taking us a lot longer than it used to, but it's going well. We've decided to go four months before taking a break, instead of three. Because our first month back would be May, and we'll be gone for two weeks in May.
Once again, I feel like I have much rumbling around in my brain, but just not getting onto the screen well. Oh well.
Emily may have turned another corner. She has had a hard time, which has been hard on me. She was crying all the time again, and that just gets really, really tiring. But they doubled her reflux meds and she finally seems to be doing better. It's only been two days so I hope I'm not jumping the gun. Time will tell!
Thanks for hanging in with me when I disappear for these long periods, I'm just running out of time!

I just really don't want to do anything

I'm tired.
I don't know why. I'm just pooped.
I have things I need to be doing (History lesson with the boys anyone?), and I just don't want to.
I started out today being revved and ready to take on the world. I have no idea where that feeling went. Instead, now I just want to curl up and take a nap.
In Emily news, I hadn't told ya'll that her reflux has been giving her troubles again. And it has been so difficult. The constant crying. The constant nursing. The constant crying.
Took her to the doctor today, fully expecting to be blown off. Last time we were there, the doc said that it wasn't normal for someone her age to still have reflux and if we were still having problems at 2 it was off to the gastro doc we go. So I was just expecting a referral to the gastro, but instead I got an increase in her current meds. We go back in 2 weeks to check the progress. But can I say, "HALLELUJAH!!" Hopefully, this will help things and we can have our happy girl back.
OK, I'm done procrastinating, sort of. I must go teach those kids something from the past. I'm not entirely sure what today's lesson is, but I shall see soon enough.
Oh, and totally unrelated to anything (because that seems to be the theme of this post!) Matt is going backpacking with a bunch of guys from church this weekend. They are going far away, almost to Mexico. I am hoping that he doesn't freeze, cause that would just make me sad.
Keeping up the randomness..how about some pictures?
The kids worked on a cake decorating honor for Pathfinders. Their cakes.





Oh and here's Emily from the Mended Little Hearts Christmas party!

You're not my brother

Overheard the other day.....


Collin, "Zachy you're not my brother, Matthew is"

Zachy, "I am too your brother!"

Collin, "No Zachy, Dillon is your brother. Matthew and me were born with glasses and you and Dillon weren't, so Matthew is my brother and Dillon is yours"

The things these kids think about!

Little Piggies

Yesterday was January 24. Emily will be two on March 3.
I have longed for her hair to grow so I could do something with it. It is growing mullet style. The back is getting quite long. Sides, not so much.
But yesterday...lookie what happened!!


After I put them in, she froze. She wouldn't move from this spot. But then the boys started telling her she was so cute and she finally moved. She kept them in the rest of the day. Of course they fell out a couple times, but she stood still for me to put them back in.



Matt had gone to church early, you should have seen the look on his face when he saw her for the first time! I think he was as excited as me!!



As usual, kids had to pile into a picture with her. And how cute is she, resting her head on Collin's??



As a total aside, the other day we were at the park. I had my camera. Emmie was so funny, she would go somewhere..stop...wait for me to take a picture then move on.

In the market for a new stroller

We are in the market for a stroller.
We know we will have a ton of walking to do at Disney World, and we know that Zachy will not make it.
I think even without his stamina issues he'd have a hard time, but throw in the stamina issues and it's a given.
His activity level is much better these days, but his stamina is still lower than what I would expect.
I find it interesting. I've been conversing with another mom whose son is paced and she says her son also has lower stamina. Her doctor, like ours, seems to think there should be no reason for this. We are beginning to wonder if that is what they say when they don't know. I'm starting to think that he will never been quite as energetic as his counterparts, but that's ok. It is only times like now that it is even an issue.
At any rate, we should be able to get a special pass that will allow us to take a stroller in line with us, making it so we don't have to lug him when he wears out.
So we are looking for a compact stroller, but one that is big enough to hold him.
I don't want to go special needs simply because they are really expensive.
We are currently thinking about a MacLaren stroller and wonder if anyone has experience with them. They are a bit spendy, but I'm thinking it would be quite worth it.
Please let me know if you have any input...if you've never commented..now is the time to do so..I need help!

The Monkey Family Olympics

Last week, the kids learned about the first olympics in Greece.
They learned that the men participated alone, which was good since they competed in the nude.
Can you imagine this? The first olympics consisted of relay races, discuss throwing, high jumps, and javelin throws. In the nude. That's crazy.
So we set out on Sunday to have our own olympic games. Only we were fully clothed.
We went to a park where we had a javelin throw(we used old bamboo tiki torch holders), a discuss throw (frisbee), a relay race (we used sinking water rings), and a long jump.
It was lots of fun, and we decided everyone tied. The prize was a crown (the same sinking water rings) and a whole bunch of fun!
We then piled into the great white to head to Babies R Us. We are in the market for a new stroller. We need something big enough for Zachy at DisneyWorld.
When we pulled Emmie out of the van, we noticed an ant.
I took her into the bathroom and stripped her down. Sixteen stupid fire ant bites all over her torso and arms, and one on her face. The poor thing! She never cried though. What a tough kid.
I'm ending this abruptly because my beloved just got home bringing me flowers. Awww, what a guy!!

One year ago today..

My baby got his first pacemaker.
Our lives changed forever, and yet, not so much.
Zachy's still a normal 5 year old kid.
Sure, we have to be more careful about what he does, and he has a lifetime of surgeries to look forward to, but he is healthy, happy, and normal.
Whatever that is.
I hate that this is part of our lives, but oh so thankful that Zachy is ours and we get to keep him here with us.
I love that boy so much, and am thankful for all the medical advancements that have happened to allow him to live!
We are just so very thankful.

Some people think I'm crazy!

OK, probably a lot of people think I'm crazy. That's ok..I probably am. At least that's what Matt tells me!
Last summer, remember when I was doing all my sewing? Did I ever tell y'all that I was making jammie pants for everyone? I ended up making fourteen pairs of pants for various family members and friends.
I made some for Matthew's best friend, Leanne (for her birthday). Well, Leanne's sister, Clarissa (Dillon's best friend coincidentally) wanted some too. So I said I'd make some for her birthday. Which was yesterday.
So as I was deciding what fabric to use, I found Disney fabrics. So of course I had the brilliant idea to make my kids jammie pants to take to Disney World.
My sister thinks I'm nuts. Matt just thinks I'm me. I don't see anything strange about it at all. Neither did the lady in the fabric department last night. In fact, she thought I was brilliant! I need to get to know that lady!
Anyway, now I need to be cleaning, but I want to be sewing. I know I have to get Clarissa's pants done today to take to her at church tomorrow, but other than that, they can wait.
I just say there can never be enough Disney!!

Hip Hip Hooray!

Matthew had an appointment with the glaucoma doc this morning. His pressure was down! HOORAY!!!
This is such great news. Last med we tried just kind of fizzled out, and it looked like this was going to also. But no! It's still working!
We get six months until the next trip back to see him.
The only downer of the appointment was that Matthew used to be able to make out how many fingers someone was holding up using his right eye. He can no longer do that. He could see the tech's hand waving, but couldn't make anything out. The doc says his eye is very damaged.
In six months they are going to try to do some sort of scan, and if I understand correctly it is to be able to keep track of the damage a bit better. Please correct me if I'm wrong, Papa.
But hooray! The pressure is down and he relatively pain free these days! WOOT!!

How did I survive all of this??

I've been tripping down memory lane, and got to thinking about when Matthew was first born.
The year was 1996, and I was mere 20 years old. We were surprised to find out he had a cleft nose, and later to discover he had a cataract in his right eye.
We were poor. Very poor. Matt worked 3 jobs for quite awhile to make ends meet for us. I had always planned on going back to work after Matthew was born (somehow I didn't know how much daycare cost!) but that would prove impossible, as you will see. This memory simply involves traveling. What it leaves out is the hard time we had with drops, and the terrible things that came with a baby wearing a contact. The good thing I will never forget about this time is how wonderful our family friend and optician, Gary, was to us. I owe that man so much, and will never be able to repay him for all he did for us. I remember many, many times, being in his office, him trying to get a contact in little Matthew's eye. He would always be wearing a sweater, it seems like. It wouldn't take long before he was stripping it off and working in a cooler shirt. He would be sweating up a storm. It was NOT easy, by any stretch of the imagination.
But again..this is about traveling, not those things.

Matthew's eye doctor was a 6 hour drive away. He started seeing him at 2 weeks old. Had his first surgery at one month old. After that, he wore a contact lens in his right eye because they had removed his lens during the first surgery. During his first two years, he would go on to have four more surgeries on his eye.
During the first year, while he wore his contact, we had to go to the doctor every two-three weeks. Well, we were poor and couldn't afford for Matt to take off. We had one car then, so Matt would arrange for people to take him to and from his jobs.
I would drive me and Matthew up there the day before the appointment, spend the night, and come home the next day after his appointment. Sometimes, he would have several appointments with different doctors. On those trips we'd have to stay the night a second night. Many of the appointments were sedated, so that would add another level to it. If they weren't sedated, they would wrap him in a blanket on a papoose board, then use a tiny little speculum to hold his eyelids open while he screamed. These were awful, awful times for me.
OK, so what is crazy to me is...we didn't even have cell phones back then! I would have to wait till I got home, or till that night to be able to call Matt, using a calling card, to tell him what transpired! Often, if I got bad news, I would call my mother-in-law from the hospital pay phone, collect,to tell SOMEONE what had happened.
Also crazy to me is that we toyed with the idea of getting a CB radio. A CB!!! CRAZY!! But there was a mountain pass I had to go over and in the winter it was white knuckle driving. The only reason we didn't get a CB was because we couldn't afford it.
Luckily, Matt was able to be with us for those first surgeries, but nothing else because we just couldn't afford it.
Apropos to nothing, Matthew started having his nose reconstructed when he was 6. He has had 3 surgeries to date on it, Matt has been there for one. The first one, he was in Spain. He was due to be home, but they changed the orders on us, so he was in Spain. The second, he was there for, and the third he was in school, I think it was probably finals week or something. Or else, as usual, we couldn't afford for him to take off from work and pay for a trip.
Somehow, I have managed to do all of this, and survive it! Through the years I have seen more medical procedures done on my children than I thought possible. And I have been there for every one. Holding that sweet child after the procedure.
I don't know how I managed to survive through the early years with Matthew. God was definitely watching out for us.
If I've learned anything through the years, it is that while I may feel weak, I am strong.
I AM A SURVIVOR!

I am so boring!

I know I've been sparse around these parts, I just have nothing to say.
We've started back to school for a couple weeks now and it's been..well..rough. I don't know why. Maybe wintertime blues. Who knows. But no one, including me, is into it yet. Hopefully, soon, we'll be back in the swing of things. Otherwise, one of us might lose their minds!
I also started a weight loss support group at church. Because, you know, I can never have enough to do! I lost a couple pounds last week, which is better than nothing, but dang is it hard work. I did really well until the weekend hit. I just really do not know how to get through the weekends with Matt here. Will power is not my forte and he likes to eat! I did order a Richard Simmons video though to help with that. Hey...don't laugh! I love me some Richard!! Plus, they are relatively easy and I am in horrible shape! Anyway, I can't wait to get it.
I don't quite know why I'm even writing. I have nothing at all to say. Oh hey, how about this..I'll share a code with you!!
Until January 20, you can get a photobook from Hoorray.com for just shipping. Even their most expensive ones. Well, up to the $35 one. I have to say, Shutterfly is MUCH easier to use, but you can't beat the price! The code you enter is bzzalbum. I hope someone gets to use this! I just ordered mine last night, and am looking forward to receiving it!
OK that's it. Nothing else to say. Boring I am!!

The Kingdom calls!

We've made our reservations and will be arriving at the Magic Kingdom on May 2. We will stay 12 days and visit the parks for 10 of those days. All this made possible by the awesomeness of being military. If you are military and don't know, right now you can get 40% Disney resort rooms. And free 5 day passes for the active member with companion tickets for $99 each. If you aren't military they are doing a buy 4 nights get 3 free deal.
I have spent countless hours researching our options and planning this trip. Last night it hit me.
There is a bigger Kingdom calling me. A better Kingdom. And I need to be spending as much time researching It as I have been researching the Magic Kingdom.
Paul told the Corinths that they had been given all the tools they need while they eagerly await the return of Jesus.*
Friends, we have those tools. We have all we need to get to the Kingdom, but we have to spend time in the Word. We need to eagerly be waiting for the return of Jesus, and our trip to the Kingdom.
I know it is so much easier to focus on going to the magic kingdom because it is sooner (maybe!). But I must keep my eyes turned heavenward. I must have the Kingdom in the front of my mind. I must focus on the Heavenly Kingdom.

*1 Corinthians 1-4.

School starts tomorrow

Just a little fun to start your year off right!

Oh the fun we have!

We are home safely. We had a totally uneventful drive. And a good vacation.
We spent the first half in a town just west of Dallas where we did lots of fun Christmasy stuff and spent lots of time in the pool and hot tub. Oh how I miss the hot tub! I think I may need one!
The second half was spent in Missouri with Matt's brother and sister-in-law and their kids. Good times were had by all. The adventure there happened when their heat went out. It was out nearly the entire time we were there. Gina blames me, rightfully so I suppose. Before going to visit she had told me it was very cold in Missouri. I joked about us not being able to go up there, and asked her how their heat was. She told me it was just fine, and to quit being such a wuss. We get there, the heat goes out. Clearly, my fault. Although, perhaps she was just trying to toughen me up, and perhaps the heat wasn't out at all. It was one big joke. OK, not really, I saw the heating men there with my own two eyes, so it must have been legit.
We baked lots of cookies and ate way too much, but it was fun.
We arrived home on Friday night. That's when the adventure began!
The kids had slept a lot on the way home, so of course they were all wide awake when we got home.
Because everyone went to bed so late, we were late getting to church. It was my week to work in the kitchen, and Matt was leading the song service. He had asked Matthew to watch Emmie while we did our duties. Emmie was spinning in a chair and fell off and hit her face on a metal folding chair. She knocked two of her capped teeth out of alignment. There was blood everywhere and she was screaming bloody murder. We raced home to call the dentist. After talking with her, we decided there wasn't anything more that could be done, but that we would go in for x-rays today.
She has swelled a bit and I noticed her nose was out of alignment now.
The x-rays revealed that her root was fractured and also the bone that holds the teeth has a hairline fracture in it. Nothing can be done, and it's just a waiting game to see if the teeth die. If they die they will have to pull them, so we are praying hard that they stay alive.
Today the teeth are still loose, so we know she hit pretty hard. Thankfully though, she has caps. They told me if the caps weren't there her teeth would have broken right off at the gums.
I think I have been more worried about this than I realized because tonight I am absolutely beat. Not sleepy, just physically exhausted.
Collin had an ophthalmology appointment today and they discovered he is seeing 20/30 corrected now. So that is great. The other doc had said his eyes had gotten worse, but today they said no. YIPPEE!!
Tomorrow night we are having an agape feast at church and I'm apparently in charge of it. Didn't realize that till today, so it's been last minute rushing about to get things done.
I think I need another vacation!!

What has happened to the Monkey's??

So after my last entry we all proceeded to get sick. It hasn't been fun in these parts.
It's starts out innocent enough...just a cough. You don't even feel bad, you just cough. And it's lovely, you cough up phlegm. But alas, you just cough.
But then, oh my lands, it hits you. And it plows you down like the snow plows that are undoubtedly plowing in other parts of the country.
It comes with a nice high fever (104 in my kids) and aches and pains. And sleepless nights because of the endless hacking.
And. if you are particularly lucky, it all changes into pneumonia like it did for poor Zachy.
The very worst part of all of this is that we are leaving tomorrow for vacation. Friends, the Monkey Family never goes on vacation, and we were so looking forward to this break from reality.
But, we will forge on. We will pack our family up along with a plethora of cough meds and antibiotics and throat lozenges. We will brave this illness and be determined to have a good time. And we will SUCCEED!!
I think this may be possible because I think we are all on the downhill side of this. Everyone except Matt, who is just coming into it. Poor thing.
While I'm forcing us to have a good time, I won't have computer access. We are old school folk who don't have a laptop. But I want to take this opportunity to wish every one of you a very, merry Christmas. I hope you all enjoy your families this year and please don't forget the reason for the season. Our wonderful savior, Jesus Christ. May God richly bless you this season.
I'll see you on the flip side!

This is me, at 33.

Yesterday was my birthday! I'm thirty-three now. And it seems a significant number. You only get those doubles every eleven years. This coming year will be special for Dillon since it will be his first ever double!
At any rate, I've decided, this is the year I vow to truly love me.
I looked in the mirror the other day, and I saw something unfamiliar.
I saw stretch marks that are the reward for the five biggest accomplishments of my life.
I saw saggy breasts that sag from years of not only nourishing, but comforting those five children I love so much.
I saw extra pounds packed on during the most stressful of times. Made stressful simply because I love these people so deeply. To watch others go through what my kids go through wouldn't affect me nearly as much.
I saw dark circles under my eyes. They were the result of little sleep. I had been up the night before nursing a sick Emily. They spoke of love to me.
The very best thing I saw was wrinkled creases at my eyes. Crows feet. But guess what. When I frowned and made a face I might make while crying, they weren't there. In fact, there were no wrinkles there. However, when I smiled, and laughed, they were. This is proof to me that my life is much more about laughter and smiles than about frowns and sorrow.
I looked deeper. I saw a heart that should be burst right open. I can't describe how much love is bursting out of my heart. Both my love for others, and their love for me. I must be the luckiest person alive!
I saw compassion. I saw a person able to empathize with many in a way most people cannot. Not because I'm so much better, but because I've been there.
I saw a mature woman.
My mom said this would happen when I turned thirty, but no. It's happening now.
I'm learning that I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to look perfect. Those that matter love me no matter what. And I'm so glad.
Yes, this is my year. I may not lose all this weight. I may not be the perfect mom. I may not be the perfect wife.
But I will be me. And I will love me.

Six Flags Sunday Night

This is the only decent shot we got with Santa. Em, of course, would have nothing to do with him, but the boys..even Matthew...all sat on his lap!



The hot cocoa was a bit too hot, so Matt just gave Emmie the lid with the whipped cream on it. That's the best part anyway!



Dillon was impossible to get shots of that night.



This is a horribly fuzzy picture, but it is Zachy going down the sledding hill. You should have seen how thrilled the kids were. It's the only snow any southern Texan kids see, and they thought it was the greatest thing ever!



Matthew wanted to take Emmie on all the rides with him. This is them on the giant ferris wheel. Of course, Matt was with them, and I was in another bucket with the other three kids.



I have a bunch of pictures of Emmie and Matt that look just like this. For some reason, she thought it was great fun to look at him like that!



Self portrait of me and Collin.



This is my favorite picture of the night. It is the perfect visual for how Emily has been lately. So very, very happy.

Does this make me a hypocrite?

Thursday, Collin had an appointment that brought us to the base.
We were having ice cream at the BX when I noticed our surroundings.
We are at a training base, and every week there is a graduation from Basic Training. Families normally arrive for this on Wednesday or Thursday. Graduation is Saturday.
We were surrounded by young men, and their parents. And suddenly, I was very afraid.
"Do any of you want to join the air force when you grow up?" I asked timidly.
"ME! I do!" Dillon exclaimed excitedly.
My heart sank.
Not my boy. He can't join the military!
OK, now here's the kicker. I love the military. I love what it has done for my family. We are so much better off being a military family than we would be if we were just plain civilians. BUT. Isn't there always a 'but'??
BUT...Matt isn't deployable. And, he isn't my child! (Sorry Anna!)
I really don't make a great military wife. I would be really upset if Matt had to go to war.
Currently, Dillon and Emily are the only two children who could even join the military in our family (which I'm secretly glad about!), and it could be a huge help to them, like it was to us.
But, that doesn't change the fact that they are my babies!
Matt thinks it would be great, and can picture the day we would be back in San Antonio with Dillon for graduation, but me, I'm not so sure.
I mean..look at that innocent little face!

Something wonderful happened last week.

I have no idea what it was, but something happened.
Could it be a new and budding (finally) vocabulary? I don't know, but Emmie went from being so very whiney and demanding to being a sweet, silly, happy girl.
It is so wierd.
She has been sooo difficult all her life, and now just suddenly, she seems content.
I thought maybe it was all the company and the non stop attention, but even with them gone she is so sweet.
She's using new words all the time, and I think that helps a lot. But it seems like so much more than that.
She's just content. And it is so very, very wonderful!

We had a FANTABULOUS time!

Would you believe that for the first time in three years, we were blessed with extended family here for Thanksgiving? Well, believe it, it's true!
This is big to us.
You see, Thanksgiving has always been a big time to be with family. Especially with Matt's family. I love Thanksgiving with Matt's family. It's the one time of the year that we could see everyone, and it was always fun! Not to mention the most excellent food!
But, no one wants to come to Texas for Thanksgiving, so ever since we've been here, it's just been our little family. Which is all fine and good, just not the same. Every year, I've had a feeling of loneliness, and longing to be with our families.
This year however...oh this sweet year...Matt's brother and his family came to be with us!
Gina and I spent Wednesday baking pies. Four all together, and I just don't think it was enough! Matt made our turkey and Gina and I made the various side dishes. She even made our mother in law's dressing! YUM!
They got to experience a Texas Thanksgiving and thought it was quite different to let the kids play outside because it was so warm.
The kids all had such a good time playing together, and it was just so nice to be with family!
Thank you Tim and Gina for making the drive and coming to be with us. It was the best Thanksgiving since we've been here!

How long?

How long do you think it takes before one stops reciting lines from a play one was just in? Or for one to stop listening to the cd with the music to said play?

My entire family can recite nearly every word of the play and will randomly say something.

Just now, Collin was doing something and I hear, "shut your piehole toots!" This was Dillon's first line, and it comes out all the time.

And then, Violet sings the "blew it" song. You know the one...she is blowing up like a blueberry and she sings, "I guess I blew it, blew it, BLEW IT, BLEW IT!!!" And then she screams and "rolls" off the stage. My kids sing it, and Emmie sings along. Then she screams...for a loooooong time. It's awfully cute.

But really. When do you think we won't be listening to all things Wonka?!?!

I think she is wrong about something

The last day of the play, another mom and I were putting things away backstage and we were chit chatting. Somehow, she had overheard someone else say that I homeschool.
She looks at me and says, "you have five kids?"
"yep"
"and you homeschool them?!?"
"yep"
And then, completely nonchalantly, she says, "you must be mentally ill, and all the chaos in your life keeps you sane, yes mentally ill" She was walking away at this point so I didn't respond, only to chuckle a bit.
But I think she has it wrong.
You see, she doesn't have a clue about the chaos that is my life. She has no idea that the chaos goes much, much deeper than homeschooling. She doesn't know of all the trips to the doctors we take, of the pulses we check regularly, or the meds we administer do different kids every day. Homeschooling is what keeps us sane. Not the chaos.
I think I would lose my mind if I had to schedule things around school!
I also start to lose it when I have an abundance of extra stuff to get done. Like today, I'm kind of feeling overwhelmed. I've been baking all day for a bake sale on Sunday. And doing the normal laundry, and schooling, and cleaning, and tending to Emmie. But just that one extra thing has thrown me for a loop. My day feels all out of sorts!
But hey, it's alright, us mentally ill folks thrive on the chaos!

The shining moment

Willy Wonka Jr ran this weekend. As you know by now, my eldest two were in it. Matthew (12) was Grandpa Joe and Dillon (10) was Mick TeaVee. They did so very well.
Every night, flowers and Wonka candy were sold. The actors were always given flowers or candy from their family and friends who came to see them.
Everyone, that is except for one girl. Caili, aka Mrs Bucket. She was the only other homeschooled kid and she is also a military brat.
So, like my kids, there wasn't anyone to see her. OK, as a side note here, the last day my kids did have friends see them, but that was it, us and them.
We had searched and found Wonka Bars at Toys R Us. Now, the Wonka Bars were prized candy. In fact, before the last performance, they auctioned off a bar for $35. Insane, right? All in the spirit though!
At any rate, the Wonka Bars didn't show up till the end, and we had already given bars to our kids.
What I didn't know, though, was that Matthew had saved his. The next day he said he needed to talk to me. I asked him what was up and he said, "I really appreciate that you got us Wonka Bars, but I'd like to give mine to someone" Me, "oh really? who?" "Caili, she never has anyone to watch her and she hasn't gotten anything after the play"
Oh my, I was so proud of him!
And so he did. Only the exchange was much less grand than one might think. He stopped her and said, "here, this is for you" She looked confused and said thank you and walked off. She'll never know how much thought went into that gesture, and how huge it is coming from him.
Yes, the kids were awesome. Many, MANY people told me how great they were and especially how wonderfully Matthew can sing. But this one act, that was seen by no one, was definitely the shining moment for me.

I'm so proud!

Last night was opening night!
I worked backstage so saw the whole thing from the wings.
For the first time I saw the show without Emily squawking in my ear. It was so great.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again...my boys can sing!
But aside from them, everyone did a great job. I was a bit concerned during dress rehearsal. I wasn't sure the younger kids could pull it together, but they did.
I felt bad for my kids though, because there was no one in the audience for them. After the show they said, "go out in the audience and see your family and friends" and my kids had no one. Oh well, Sunday their friends will be there.
Anyway, I'm pretty proud of them today.

Let's just jump right to it

I'm in the living room and overhearing Dillon and Collin.
Dillon is teaching Collin how to find the area of a parellelogram.
Ok, let's think about this. Collin doesn't know how to multiply yet. Nor does he know how to find the area of something simple like a rectangle. We won't mention that he doesn't know what area is!
He seems to be understanding Dillon though!

Don't forget

Today is Veteran's day. As I drove around town (yes, the great white is fixed, oh how we love her), I saw very few flags flying. You wouldn't even know it was Veteran's day.
A couple people called Matt and thanked him for his service, which was nice. But in general, I think it is so easy for people to just ignore that there is a war going on. And that so many of our troops are over fighting every single day.
We go to the doctor at Brook Army Medical Center, which has a burn unit. Everytime we go, we see the results of war. What these kids sacrifice because they are proud to live in the greatest country there is.
Today, we remember the vets who have served in the past, and are serving today. We remember their families who sacrifice so much. The wives and children who say goodbye to their husbands for way too long. The mothers and fathers who have buried their children much too soon.
If you forgot, please thank a vet, for all they do, have done, and will continue to do...voluntarily, so that you might live in freedom.

Poor Great White

The Great White has been having troubles. Specifically with her radiator. There is a leak in a hose causing her to lose all her coolant. She then says, "WAIT, I'm too hot...SHUT ME OFF" And so, we have.
Today, a great big truck came to our house, loaded her up and took her away.
How we miss her.
We missed her all weekend, even though she sat in the driveway. But sitting in the driveway does not help one get a family of seven any place. Everywhere we went this weekend we had to go in two trips. Thankfully, Matthew and Dillon are old enough to be left alone while Matt dropped me and the littles off wherever we needed to be. But still, such a pain.
Hopefully, soon, the dealership will call us up and let us know she is fixed. Although, we have no idea when that is supposed to be. I suppose, it could take days. We'll see.
It all goes along with opening week of the play, when the boys have to be at rehearsal at 5. Matt gets home close to 5. So yeah, our boys will be late until she comes home to us where she belongs!
Poor thing, she's awfully young to be getting hot flashes...

Treadmill test

After adjusting the settings on Zachy's pacemaker, he got to do his first treadmill test. Isn't he so cute??
And let me just add, that as cheesy as it may seem, it makes me very proud that the men surrounding him are all in uniform.

This is it!

Willy Wonka Jr runs this week!
I can't believe, after devoting all our time to rehearsals and tech days for the last two and a half months that it is finally here!
The kids are doing so great, and we are so very proud of them.
Last night, Matthew and Dillon put on a little performance for us. Dillon did his main song and Matthew sang and did the choreography of Dill's mother with him. Then Matthew did one of his big songs and Dillon played the part of Charlie during it.
My kids can sing! Not to brag, but they can. Which is huge to me, because I cannot. And I have always hoped that they would get their dad's musical ability. Thank goodness, they have!
I'm ready for the show to be done, but at the same time I'm not. It has been a great experience for the boys. We will be doing this more often, for sure.
But at the end of this week I'll be singing along with them..."no Willy Wonka just can't go!!"

Are you cold?

It is always so hard for me to believe that there are parts of the country that are cold right now. We got pictures from our old pastor showing us snow this week.
This is what it is like here. This picture was taken last Sunday. The pathfinders were working on their swimming honor.

Update on Zachy

So today was Zachy's appointment.
When he was originally paced, they were happy because he was able to get his heart rate up on his own. And by that I mean while active his heart would raise to the proper level. So, his heart rate was very low, but when he got active, he was able to get it up on his own.
That isn't happening now. So, he was being active, and his hr wasn't going up very much, causing him to be tired.
The dr changed the settings on his pm to now include the higher rates. So now, when he gets active, his pacemaker will kick in and raise his hr to a higher level, where it needs to be to properly oxygenate him.
We are happy about this, because it was a simple fix. We hope. We still have to wait and see if this takes care of the problem. It is a bit troubling though, because a year ago he was able to do that on his own, now he isn't.
Time will tell what the future holds for Zachy. But right now his heart looks great and strong, just a bit lazy.

Heart Video

OK, as if I'm not emotional enough these days...a mom on my heart list sent this video. Her son is Brayden.
This is so cool that I'm even removing my Christmas music for awhile so everyone can see just how awesome this is.
Of course, I cry through it like a big ol' baby!

*edited to add...if you can't tell, all of these are heart defects.

I just have to say..

I have the BEST husband in the world. He doesn't read my blog, but I wanted everyone to know just how much I love him and how wonderful he is.
I have been having a really hard time the last couple of weeks. All sorts of things have been bothering me. And he has walked with me every step of the way to get through.
While someone we know would say, "you're just being an emotional woman," Matt hasn't said it or even thought it. I think. And I say that because he has specifically said how much it bugs him when said friend says that.
On the other side of all this stress I have no doubt that I will be a much stronger person. I always am. But going through it always really stinks.
So to his parents, thank you for giving me such a wonderful man to share my ups and downs with.
And to Matt, should you ever read this, I love you more than you can ever imagine. Thank you for being my very best friend.

Heart Walk

I've really slacked this year. But the HeartWalk is November 8, and we will be walking it.
If you'd like to donate to this very worthy cause you can donate at MY PAGE

I know, I know

I know I said I was going to post pictures, but the Matt swooped in and stole the computer from me. Then I lost my umph.
And as you know, I'm in a bit of a funk. I'm trying SO hard to get out of it.
But I'm SO worried about Zachy and it's hard to be happy go lucky when you are worried about your precious baby!
So please, just bear with me, after next Wednesday I expect to be able to hop on here and report that his heart looks GREAT!
Please, just pray for him.

PSA

I went and voted today. It was quick and easy.
Everyone should do early voting, it's so speedy. It sounds like there will be long lines on election day, but if you go now, you won't have to deal with that.
So go. Now. What are you waiting for??
And then pray your hearts out for the leaders of this country!

Keeping my head above water

I'm feeling better. Sort of.
Matt and I talked for a long, long time last night. I know what you're thinking. "What, MATT talks for a long time?" Why yes, he does. Of course, it is sometimes hard to keep the occasional snore from sneaking in, but he did well last night.
After my last post, things kept piling up. And not like things to do, but emotions. Some different things had been said, not to me, but about us, and it just made me go hmmmmm. And it pushed me a little further down.
But, I'm fighting my way back up. Things are good. Our lives are really, REALLY good, just sometimes challenging.
I must remember these things in order to keep from drowning!
I think I might go do a photo entry for you all! That's just the way I'm feeling today!

Forgive me

I realize it is too early for Christmas music.
We've been listening to it for weeks. And I'm always sad when it's over after Christmas. So, I'm putting it up here, to put you all in the spirit of Christmas. Plus, it lifts my spirits and I really need it right now.
So please, forgive me!

Drowning

What a far cry from the last post, where I said I was full. I still am. I just feel like now I'm drowning under all the fullness.
Things are going well. I just have a lot to do, and it's ok. It's all good. But there is something that is weighing so very heavy on me. I had been telling Matt I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and I didn't know why. Just now, it hit me.
It's amazing how something can stress you out so much that you push it far down and pretend to not be worried about it. But it is still there, festering, weighing down like a ton of bricks.
What is worrying me, you may be asking.
Zachy.
All his telephone reports from his pacemaker have been great. But, in the last few weeks, he has gotten so very tired. He can no longer make it through a day without crashing. It's de ja vu, and quite frankly, it scares the life out of me.
His pulse is hanging in right at 80, so the pacemaker is working. Why could this be happening?
I'm scared. So very scared. Since being paced, they haven't measured his heart. They said it would take a while for it to go back to his normal size, but at the same time, they have never promised us that it would return back to normal. What if it hasn't? What if he is still in the early stages of heart failure? Why am I even going there? Everything will be great. He sees his doc the first week of November. But in the meantime, I'm scared. I'm so very, very scared. Something seems off. I'm praying for something like a growth spurt, but I don't know. Would that knock a 5 year old kid out, every. single. day.? He had been doing so well...what's happening??

Trying to catch up

Boy oh boy..I am struggling here. Which, I decided is a good thing. Things are going well, very well in fact. And I am full. When I am full, I don't feel as much of a need to write on a blank screen about my life. After all, there are many people around me enjoying watching my life. But then, I realize that there is family, outside of the family we have made in Texas, that is still really interested in our lives. There are grandparents who wonder what their grandbabies are doing. Best friends who wonder what their bosom buddy is doing. And so I must write.
I wanted to add loads of pictures, but that would take too much. Hopefully, I can get a photo entry up later.
So let's see, where do I even start?
We are members of a homeschool group that gets together every Friday. The kids love it, but let me tell you, it is really interfering with my day. I find that as the Sabbath rolls around, I'm still so far behind in preparation. I was just telling Matt this, and realizing that I need to get my bootie in gear. The kids are making such great friends and I'm enjoying my adult time too. I need to find a way to make this work better.
Last Wednesday, we(me and the kids) drove to Houston to the NASA space center. It was homeschool day there. This really deserves an entry all to it's own, but it's going to have to go here.
Driving through Houston was crazy. For some reason, I expected all the high rises to be all repaired. But from far away you could see, amongst the glass walls, the brown from the windows being boarded up. Along one part of the freeway the trees on the side of the road were all blown apart and down. Power lines were leaning. Blue tarps covered the roofs that had been ripped off. But what we saw the most of was the signs. Imagine the golden arches, you know that type of sign? With the light in the middle and plastic surrounding it? They aren't made for hurricanes. Many, many signs were blown out. The space center is south of Houston, and the further south we went, the worse it was. It was crazy. I've never seen a town after a hurricane before, so this was new to me.
When we finally arrived at the space center, we drove into a parking lot full of 12-15 passenger vans. I told the kids to look well because only at a homeschool function will you see so many big vans all together! The center was closed to the public, and it was totally packed. It was so good to be surrounded by like minded people! And I was also struck by the amount of special needs kids I saw. I often hear, "oh I could never homeschool, I have a child with special needs" Kids with special needs can hugely benefit from being homeschooled, in my opinion. Anyway, it was great.
All the space stuff was really great too. And I could go on and on, but I'm tired, so I won't.
The oldest kids are still doing rehearsals for Willy Wonka Jr. The show starts November 14, and it will be nice when it's over. They love it, and will do it again, it's just time for a break.
Pathfinders has also started, so the kids are really busy, all the time.
I was just voted in as head deaconess at church, so I'm spending any free time I have trying to organize the rest of the deaconesses. It's a job that has kind of gone to pot over the last few years, and I'm trying to fix it.
Sunday, we are having one big giant party for all four of the boys. Three have August birthdays, and Dillon's is in October, so we are just having a big party. I do hope it is fun, and the kids have a good time. It's been chilly and rainy, and I hope it passes. We are planning a luau in the evening, so pray for the weather.
OK, that is what's been going on, in a nutshell. I'm sure I've bored everyone, and that's ok, at least I won't forget these busy days!

Slacker

My goodness, I'm slacking here.
Last week was insanely busy, and I have lots of pictures to share.
What I don't have is the umph it takes me sit and upload them all to my computer and then here.
I need to get to it though, because Wednesday, we are going to Houston, to the Nasa Space museum for homeschool day. We are all excited about it (not the drive and getting up an insanely early hour to get there by 9 though!).
It is also the first night of Pathfinders, Wednesday, but the kids and me will have to miss.
Anyway, at some point, I really will get here and write something interesting!
For now though, it's off to teach my children.

The gum chewer

Zachy asked me the other day, "why did God make love gum so much?" Only it still sounds like "why did God make me lub gum ho mut" I said, "I don't know, He just wanted you to enjoy gum" He responded with, "cause you know, I really don't want to be THE gum chewer"
I'm thinking this is a result of hours and hours of listening to Willy Wonka stuff.

Does it get any better??

I have an entry in my head that I need to write..all about how Emmie is taking Prevacid now, and is a different child. I wrote it last week, but blogger ate it. I wrote about how I could hear the angels singing with me..HALLELUIA. Do you hear it?
It turns out that Emmie is silly, and loving, and just a great baby. For 18 months, we've struggled with her. It kills me to think that she was just hurting.
Right now, I'm sitting here, she is beside m eon her own chair. Everytime she looks at me, if I'm not looking at her she says, "mama" then I look, and she blows me a kiss.
How did we get so blessed??

Pepto Chango

So I'm still waiting to hear from Emmie's pediatrician about the reflux.
I'll tell you, that looking at her through reflux eyes, I can totally see a pattern to her fussiness. Nighttime is worst, I'm assuming because she actually eats dinner. She barely eats the rest of the day.
So, last night, while she was screaming and screaming and screaming and writhing and screaming we gave her a children's pepto. Even though, technically, she's too young. But, we were desperate.
Within 5 minutes she had completely relaxed and conked out.
I feel like such a bad bad mom. How could we not have caught this before??

Pictures

Pictures of Emmie's surgery. And the night before.
I'm no longer doing slide shows because my dear friend lives in the boonies and doesn't have high speed internet. So, for you Theresa..normal pictures!




It was 5:30 am, and she was so sleepy. She loves her baby.



Not too tired to play games though!



All dressed up and ready to go.



Unfortunately, it was a long wait, with lots of time to kill.



When it was about time to go, they gave her some versed, nasally. Now, versed is a wonderful thing, but it doesn't matter how it is administered (nasally or orally)it is icky. It tastes bad, so it's tough to get babies to drink it. But who really likes the feeling of fluid being pushed up their nose?
This picture was taken when the versed was starting to work. Not enough for her to be drunk yet, but she had been crying a lot before this. She was settling down at this point. Please don't pay any attention to how tired I look here.



Relaxing, almost drunk. If you look closely, you can see my watery eyes. Let me take this opportunity to tell you something. It does not matter how minor a procedure is, it is still very difficult to think of your child being sedated and undergoing surgery. You would think, after open heart surgery, I would be able to say, "hey no big deal, it's just teeth" but no. She's still my baby. And it's still hard.



Finally drunk. I have pictures that are almost identical to this one of Matthew and Zachy. The mouth falls open, their eyes droop, and their heads flop back. Hello giggle land!



Bye Bye Sweet Girl.



And then it's all over and we're ready to go home! Still sleepy, but awake.



OK, I had to take this picture. They insisted on pushing her out in a wheelchair. This is how the pictures always look when there is a new baby, but I'm in the chair, holding the baby. I told Matt now he knows how it feels to be a total goof being wheeled out when you are perfectly fine!