Sunday, January 15, 2006


I am sure this entry will be all over the place, please forgive me.
It feels like rain. I'm in a mood where I just wish the sky would open up and pour and wash the world clean. It just feels like everything needs to be washed clean, so it can start over.
I guess that is what the new year is for. But honestly, I am having such a hard time realizing that it even is a new year. Normally, this time comes in the middle of winter, and the world is dead. After the new year, you have the rebirth of life to look forward to. That's tough when nothing around you actually dies. This no season stuff is for the birds.
Apparently so, since this is a place with birds like we have never seen before. The power lines will be one solid line of ugly black birds. The rooftops are covered with them. It is unreal.
So, there really is no spring to look forward to. I wonder, actually, if there are any bulbs planted in my flower bed out back. That would be nice. If not, maybe I'll plant some next fall. But who knows if that will be worth it.
The city has plans to take over our housing and make freeways through here. The timeline is anywhere from within the next 2 years to sometime before 2011. The point is, if they are going to tear these down, why bother planting anything?
Our sister in law, Gina, lost her mom this morning. She had a terrible fight with cancer, and she lost. The cancer was so aggressive it just took over her entire body.
My heart is breaking for Gina. And Tim. And Tj. And the bean in her belly yet to be born. Gina's mom was such a wonderful person and it is a shame her grandkids will never know that for themselves.
We are sad. We loved her too. When we left Idaho, we knew when we said goodbye, that it would probably be the last goodbye. It's just so so sad. She just turned 50.
Pray that Gina and her family can find peace and understanding in all this. They'll need all the prayers they can get.
The baby across the street is in the hospital with RSV. He was in all last week, came home Friday, and was re-admitted Friday night. He was born sometime after Christmas.
It's just crazy, this thing we call life. So full of ups and downs. Highs and lows. One minute you can be so high, the next your life comes crashing down around you.
That's how it was when Zachy was born. We were so happy when he was born. On cloud nine, the next thing we knew he was on oxygen and life would change forever.
Crazy. I guess the old adage is true, life truly isn't fair.
I know I said I was getting over the hump, but so much I just feel like there is a black cloud following me. I feel I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I think I'm probably depressed, and just have glimpses of sunshine out of my hole. It is a slipper slope, this depression business. Maybe I'm just blah. I don't know, I just wish I were that carefree kid I used to be.
I'm worried about Matt. He has constant headaches. He is always wiped out and just so blah. He won't go to the doctor. It scares me, I don't think it is normal to have headaches so bad every single day. We did a migraine questionaire thing, and one of the questions was, 'how long does your headache last?' How do you answer that when the headache never goes away?
He'll probably be mad at me for writing this here. But I don't care. Maybe if some of you comment and tell him he needs to go to the doctor, he'll listen. Doubtful, but maybe.
It's insanely dry here. Who would have thought that Texas would be so dry? This summer it was quite humid. But now it is dry. It is killing our skin. My poor kids. Collin has an eczema type rash on his whole body. We've been putting cream and medicine on it. Matthew has patches on his back and belly. At first we thought it was chicken pox because they are just spots. But I think it is really dry skin. Zach has a dry spot on his arm, and Dillon's inner elbows are terrible. Who knew?


anna said...

I think he inherited his headaches from his mom.....but he should still go to the doctor to rule things out.
As for the "blahs" maybe you have the reverse side of the depression people get in the winter when the sun doesn't shine. =)

Matt said...

I'm fine. Nothing that I can't handle.

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