This is not good, not good at all...

Yesterday was our nephew's birthday.
He is the eldest child of Matt's brother.
He turned five years old.
Five is a big milestone. It is going from little boy, to big boy. It's a rough one for many mommies.
As I was thinking about him and how his mommy must be feeling, this thought popped into my head...'he's five, they still get 13 years with him, that's good'.
OK, now, I realize this may sound illogical. But in my twisted little head, people grow up and get married when they turn 18. It happened that way for me, why not everyone? I realize that in reality, we are the minority. Oh, I hope so.
Because the very next thought in my head was, 'oh dear...Matthew is almost 13, leaving us a mere 5 years with him'

FIVE YEARS?!?!?!

NO!! This cannot be. That isn't long enough!!!

People used to say we would be so glad when our kids get to be that age, and we will want them to leave.

I cannot see that happening. I can't fathom it.

We only have five years to get things right. I worry every day about screwing up my kids, and somewhere in the back of my mind I figure we'll get it right...one of these days.

But one of these days is going to be here and gone before I get it right.

This isn't good. Five years?? Five more years to be able to fully enjoy my boy? The one who made me a mother? The one who means so much to me? The one who makes me laugh every. single. day?

I'm sure I'm overreacting, and maybe he won't fly the coop in five years. And even if he does, that doesn't mean our relationship is over. But it will never be the same. When he flies, he'll take a piece of my heart.

How did we get here?

One of my favorite songs has always been 'Beautiful Boy' by John Lennon. Mainly because of one line...

Life is what happens to you
while your busy making other plans.

Boy, isn't that the truth.

I'm vowing to embrace every moment with my kids, because they are gone, way too fast.



Can I just say that my biggest desire for him is that in five years, in twenty-five years, for the rest of his life that he is still unashamed to say he loves Jesus.

*yes, I realize this is all a bit dramatic, but it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I had to write it down.

Happy Easter

"He is Risen" By Del Parson

Now, after the Sabbath, as the first day of the week began to dawn, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to see the tomb. And behold, there was a great earthquake; for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door,[a] and sat on it. His countenance was like lightning, and his clothing as white as snow. And the guards shook for fear of him, and became like dead men.
But the angel answered and said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here; for He is risen, as He said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.
--Matthew 28:1-6

And Jesus Christ our Lord was shown to be the Son of God when God powerfully raised him from the dead by means of the Holy Spirit. Through Christ, God has given us the privilege and authority to tell Gentiles everywhere what God has done for them, so that they will believe and obey him, bringing glory to his name. Romans 1:4-5 (NLT)

Go ME!!

I have lost 20 pounds! GO ME!!
In January, I set a goal to lose 20 pounds by the time we went to Disney World. Everyone said that would be so easy, but it hasn't. It's been very, very hard. And I've wanted to quit many times, but I kept on pushing forward.
I don't know if I can count the last 2 1/2 pounds because they are a result of my time with the porcelain throne yesterday, but I'm counting them anyway!
What totally stinks though, is that after 20 pounds, you really can't tell a difference in the way I look. Tells you how much I still have to lose!
But still, I'm proud of me.

HOORAY

Last man standing

Matthew, Zachy, and Dillon all succumbed to this bug last night.
Leaving me the last man standing.
Only, I don't know how long I'll be standing...not feeling so hot right now.
At least, though, we are getting it all over with. My mom is supposed to come visit the end of next week, so I'm glad to have had this and be done with it.

One of these girls

ONE OF THESE GIRLS



IS NOT LIKE THE OTHERS



ONE OF THESE GIRLS



JUST DOESN'T BELONG



OR



DOES SHE??!!



I think we'll be paying better attention to where the markers are!

Science Fair

We are now up to three people affected by this intestinal bug. Matt didn't make it through the night last night.
But since I know you all don't want to hear about any of this, how about some pictures from the science fair??
In no particular order because I'm lazy!


Dillon being judged.



Collin talking with his first judge.





Zachy and Collin did theirs together.



Waiting on judges..




Emily ran around all day making silly faces with her shirt...she's a nut.






What happens when you have baby fine hair that's been in piggie tails all day when you decide to take them out!



Look at all the people.



Matthew being judged.


So there you have it...the science fair in a nut shell. The kids had a great time and it was such a good experience. They're already talking about what to do next year!

Two Down, Five to Go

Emmie started vomiting tonight. And Matt says he's not sure he'll make it through the night.
It sounds awful, but I wish everyone would get this all at once so we can just be done with it.
Collin hasn't thrown up since mid afternoon, but is so weak and pale still. I hope tomorrow brings him happy things.
Wish us luck!

Things could get ugly around here

This isn't the entry I had in mind for today.
But this morning, Collin came and stood in our room. Said he was going to throw up, then froze. I tried to get him to move to get to the bathroom, but no such luck.
Ick. I hate vomit.
A friend from church just went through this with her whole family. And from the sounds of it, it wasn't pretty.
Matt said things were slow at work so if we all had to get sick, this was a good week to do it! What is he thinking? We are NOT getting sick. No way, no how.
Except, it spread like wildfire in the aforementioned friend's home.
If I suddenly disappear, say a prayer for my family that this is short lived!

Review Monday

I hope everyone had a great weekend.
Ours was busy, filled with evangelistic meetings at church.
However, on Sunday I battled a migraine all day that knocked me out. I was so sick to my stomach and basically did nothing all day. Matt took the kids to church, and I stayed in a supine position all day.
Today is a new day though, and I'm feeling much better.
We did manage to have some fun this weekend!
Saturday night, Matt and I watched Mamma Mia!

We had both wanted to see it, and finally decided to rent it. I absolutely loved it. I know it got mixed reviews, but it was right up my alley. I'm normally not a Meryl Streep fan, but she was adorable. I can't get the songs out of my head, and am tempted to change my blog songs from Disney to Mamma Mia! songs. We'll see.
Also, on Saturday, I received a book in the mail. It's called The Miracle of Me, and it was written by Amy Pedersen.

You might think that after having five children, I'd be done with pregnancy books. But nothing could be further from the truth. I love pregnancy books. When I'm pregnant, I read them religiously, even the ones I've read before. Amy sent this book to me, and I couldn't be more thrilled. This book is great. She wrote when she was pregnant with her second (I think) to help her old child understand what was going on in Mommy's tummy.
Now, if you buy this book expecting to know all there is to know about pregnancy, you'll be disappointed. But to help an older child it is perfect. Each week consists of a 4 week poem about the baby's development, and it includes phenomenal pictures of baby in the womb. My favorite part, though, is the ruler that shows baby's size. It really helps to put things in perspective. I give this book an A+. Thank you, Amy, for sending it to me!
And that's it. Now we are on to school. And back to the library to return videos that are due. Here is a reason I don't like the library. Dillon was so excited to read his book. He read the 9 chapter book in 3 days. Figured if he read 3 chapters a day, he'd be done in 3 days. Now, he wants a new book. But guess what. He can't find the book to return. I'm sure it's tucked safely in his bed somewhere!

How sweet it is

A couple weeks ago, Matt preached at a neighboring church.
The church is tiny, and doesn't have Cradle Roll.
The boys all went to Sabbath School and Emmie and I stayed in the sanctuary with Matt while he prepared.
She was so silly. She would literally strike a pose, wait for me to take her picture, then move on to another pose.
I truly have no idea how it is that I have such a darling daughter.



I wish this picture had turned out a bit better.



"hmmmmm, I sure wish there was money in that plate!"



Em and Matt



I think this picture should be in one of those emails that goes like crazy around the net. Have you ever seen anything so precious?



Matt...concentrating..



OK, I stopped moving, now take my picture!



What a cheeky girl!



Taking a break from all that posing.



Look at my pretty dress!

Zachy's Heart

I have asked you, in the past, to pray for Zachy and his lack of endurance.
He saw the doctor last week, and I figure the least I can do is share with you what happened! How generous, I know.
A pacemaker works in a couple of ways. First, they set a threshold for minimum beats per minute. Zachy's is set at 80. So, anytime his heart rate drops below 80, the pacemaker strikes. Which, is essentially all the time.
The other way it works is by sensor. This is for activity. There is a crystal in the pacemaker, and basically, when it jiggles, it tells the pacemaker that the person is active and needs a higher pulse rate.
Before November, the crystal hadn't been activated. He was able to raise his own heart rate when he was active.
In November, they activated it. So, when it jiggled, it told his heart to beat at 120 beats per minute.
What the doctor expected to happen was that after the pacemaker got the beats up, his heart would take over and function like a normal heart and allow the heart rate to go down naturally.
On Monday, he saw his doctor.
They drew out the information from the pacer and a bar graph showed up. Different heart rates. 120 and 80 had high bars. The rest were basically non existent.
What was happening was his pacer would tell his heart to get up to 120 bpm, then as soon as he stopped moving, his rate would crash down to 80 bpm. There was no gradual decline. Just sharp drops.
Talk about tiring a person out!
Dr. Bush has now set it so that after the jiggling stops, his heart rate will decline slowly over ten minutes.
We are back in the wait and see how it all plays out stage. We are praying this will help tremendously.
When we stop and think about it, it totally amazes us. Nothing about his heart working is natural. They did turn the threshold down to 40 on Monday to see what happened and his heart dropped immediately. The doc still says he isn't pacemaker dependent, which only means that he won't die without being paced. But he is currently being paced nearly 100% of the time.
We are so thankful for technology, and the fact that our little boy is here with us.
~~~~~~~

Totally related to absolutely nothing...why in the world can't someone invent a universal power cord? I have pictures to upload for you, but cannot find the cord. I just used it, and now it has disappeared. I have a gazillion other cords, none of which fit. It seems so simple to me...one universal cord.
It would certainly make life easier!

Overheard in the Van

The boys were talking about things that were the biggest.
For example, was the galaxy or the universe bigger?
Who could outdo the other with what was biggest.
Matthew whispers to Collin, "say heaven"
Collin yelled out, "HEAVEN! Heaven is bigger than the universe!"
And the boys got to chatting about whether or not God was bigger than heaven. What His head sticking out the top of heaven?
Collin says, "heaven is the biggest...and someday it's going to be our home!"


So precious. How is this happening? I don't think it's us. I'm just thankful.

April Fool's Day

Yesterday was April Fool's Day.
When I was a kid, every year, my dad would tell me my cat died. And every year I would believe him and cry. Every year, it was a joke.
I've never been a huge fan of the day. Mainly because I cannot tell a lie to save my life.
The Internet has changed that.
I can type and entry and no one can see the look on my face! Then I can sit back and fool people!
There is no dog. Well, there is, that picture was taken from the San Antonio Humane Society site, and there are lots of doggies there needing adopting. But, there is no dog in this house. No way. No how.
My sister fell for it hook, line, and sinker. When I asked if she'd read my blog she just said yes. No emotion in her voice. So, I figured she knew. I said, "man, I was hoping to get Mom with that, she'll never know it's April fool's day!" Then she said, "THAT WAS A JOKE?" And proceeded to tell me she had many opinions that she was going to keep to herself. But I wanted comments. I wanted to know I'd fooled people. I'm greedy like that! So she commented, and even tried to lure my mom into commenting. Well, it didn't work. I'm not even sure my mom has read this. I did, however, trick my mother-in-law. Hehe...oh that feels so good. I'm always the gullible one of the group.
So, the entry was a joke.
I also told the kids we didn't have to do school. They weren't happy with that joke.
Poor Matthew, he has my lying ability and tried to tell me something several times but cracked up every time I looked at him. Just like me.
Last night for Pathfinders and Adventurers I brought "meatloaf". It was chocolate rice krispie treats with chunks of fruit snacks in it. When someone brings a slice of that, and tells you it's meatloaf, it really looks like meatloaf. One boy refused to eat it. He wouldn't even touch it. Even after everyone told him it was chocolate. But before they figured it out, more than one kid said, "uh..no thank you, I'm not hungry". Matt says when they ask their parents for meatloaf they are going to be so disappointed and say they want the kind Miss Bekki makes.
It was great.
We had a great day gagging each other all day long.
How was your day? Did you fool anyone??

We Are Being VERY Bad Tenants

When we moved in here, we specifically looked for a house that did not allow pets.
If you recall, Emily is very allergic to animals and spent almost her whole first year on breathing treatments twice a day.
Well, the boys desperately miss their animals.
And so, we decided to be bad. Very bad.
Meet Delilah.

Isn't she the cutest thing ever? She is part bassett hound and that was enough to remind me of my favorite dog, Biscuit.
So far, Emily is terrified of her, but that's ok, because the boys absolutely adore her. She'll get used to her.
As for her breathing, we'll just have to wait and see. If she goes back on treatments, she goes back on treatments.
The thing is, we have to lie. Which is hard, but if we don't we'll be kicked out.
The timing isn't all that great though, because of our Disney trip, but we'll figure something out.
We are just so excited to have a new puppy!

ER last week

ER the show. Not us in the ER. Thank goodness. Because there was a point, when Em had a temp of 105, that I thought we would end up at the ER.
But the show, ER. You know, the one that is going to end this week. So very sad!
Anyway, last Thursday's episode was so great.
It basically focused on kids who had heart disease, and who had had open heart surgery. It was all about a camp for kids with CHD. Camp del Corazon. The camp really exists, but it is in California, NOT Chicago. But that is neither here nor there.
The point is, it was awesome. They talked about Tetrology of Fallot and the surgeries that go along with that. About Hypoplastic Righy Heart Syndrome and surgeries that go with HLHS. And one other that I can't remember right now. One girl even had a defibrilator implanted. At the end, Morris told a girl a bedtime story about a blood cell that was blue, but desperately wanted to be red.
I was in tears the whole time. It was soo good to see CHD getting media coverage.
I was also in tears because the Chief of the ER was adopting a baby. Oh man, my heart is yearning for a baby. Matt too. So I figure I'll tell you all now so that if God decides to bless us with another baby, it won't surprise you!
Anyway, kudos to ER for doing this!

Lessons learned at the Library

I did it. I made the trek to the library, signed my boys and me up for library cards, and fell in love.
This particular library has a totally closed off kids area. I mean closed off. Doors and everything. Which means the kids could be noisy! Woot!
And, there was nobody there since it was during the day.
And, since we are home schoolers we were informed that we could check out eleventy million items at a time. Which is both a blessing and a curse.
It left me wondering why I had waited so long.
Which led me to wonder how often we do that in life.
I mean, how often do we think, "her? not sure I want to be friends with her.." and then once we do, we wonder why we waited so long. One of my very best friends started like that. In fact, she used to ignore me. But I was a pesky little bugger, and now we are the best of friends.
Matt does this often with food. He used to be very particular about what he ate. Now, he is more adventurous, and I'm sure he wonders what took him so long.
In life, I'm convinced, we just need to bite the bullet and go for it.
Oh, but what about the other side of this? What happens when we are quick to befriend someone and they burn us? There's always two sides. And that side often leaves more of an impression than the good side. It's what makes it so hard to step out in the first place.
But we must. Otherwise, our lives will be so boring not even we will be able to stand it.
Here's to trying new things out! And not years from now. Now.

The unpardonable sin of Home Schooling

Yes. It's true folks. I commit the unpardonable sin of home schooling. Someday, maybe the head home school people will forgive me, maybe not. And who are these people in charge? Oh yeah, it's us. We're in charge of our home schools.
What is could possibly be so bad that it is unpardonable? Well, I'll tell you. But you have to promise not to hold it against me. Promise not to think, 'well she's obviously not a real home schooler' Because I try! I really do!
OK, are you ready for this? Are you sitting down? OK...here goes...I do NOT utilize the library.
I KNOW!! Pretty bad, huh? Pick yourselves up off the floor. Stop hyperventilating and just hear me out.
I'm intimidated by the library. While I was thinking about this post I was trying to put my finger on what it is that scares me. It comes down to one thing.
One rule. A rule that was so ingrained into my mind as a child that I am terrified to break it.
QUIET IN THE LIBRARY
PEOPLE! Have you any idea how hard it is to keep a 2 year old silent? Or a 5 and 7 year old who always feel the need to giggle uncontrollably until they are laughing big guffaws?
I hear of people who take their kids to "preschool story time" and while it sounds all nice and sweet, it is pretty complicated for people like us who don't just have a preschooler.
And so, I avoid the library. I'd much rather fork over our hard earned money to buy the darn book than to go through the hassle of the library.
Now, in my defense, when we moved here, I actually got excited about the library. I mean, San Antonio. It's huge, surely the library is great. Well the one near our old house was far from great. I even got us library cards, but hated the library.
But now. Now things have to change. The time has come. Matthew has to do a report on the capital of Texas (Austin in case you had forgotten!). His lesson went all into depth about checking out reference books and finding them at the library. So now I feel as though we must go. It wouldn't be the same to just google the info. I know I need to expose my kids to the library more. I know this. And I will.
I heard of a good library. It happens to be the library on base. I actually went in there a couple weeks ago in search of tax forms. It certainly doesn't look kid friendly, but hey..no late fees!
Tomorrow is the day. I'll trudge into the library, and perhaps my sins will finally be forgiven!

My Shadow

Last Sunday, Em and I ran to Costco together.
On the way, I stopped at Starbucks and treated myself to a frappucino and Em to a chocolate milk.
We went into Costco with our drinks in hand, and we shopped.
She has gotten so independent and wants to walk with us instead of ride. She also enjoys helping us push the cart.
On our way out, she was feeling around at my pockets. I asked if she wanted the keys. She said she did. Then she went for my handbag. Then her drink. She had me put her sunglasses on next.
Walking to the van she had my handbag hanging from her left forearm, with the keys in her left hand. Held ready to push the 'unlock' button. In her right hand, she sported the chocolate milk.
I looked down and saw a miniature version of me. How I wish I had a camera.
I hope I am a good enough example to her in the coming years that when she copies me, she is copying nothing but good.
God is good, and I know it's possible with His help to model great behaviour to these kids He has so graciously given us to raise!

Human Fly Paper

So this last Saturday, my temporary crown fell out.
I had to read online about what to do. Which involved putting it back in.
I did this, but without an adhesive. Later that night, I went and bought some temporary adhesive.
Let me tell you..painful. It was like I'd get close to me stub of a tooth with the crown and the nerves would reach out and touch the crown long before the crown actually touched the nerves. It hurt so bad, and ultimately, I put it in wrong. But it was in, and there was no way I was redoing it.
I had taken pain meds and laid down on my bed to lick my wounds.
Emmie was in the bathroom, playing in the bottom drawer. You know the one. That one that holds the feminine hygiene products. We all have one.
And Emmie loves pads. Poor thing, some day she will grow to loathe them like the rest of us. But for now, she just loves pulling the little green envelopes out of the package and littering the bathroom floor with them.
It's like a game. She pulls them out, says, "MAMA!!" then I tell her to put them away, and she does.
Only Saturday night, I was too out of it to play Scatter the Pads.
After awhile, we all went to bed.
Now, it's important to note at this point, that if I'm already in bed, Matt will use the hallway bathroom, so the bathroom wasn't used after the beginning phase of Scatter the Pads.
Several hours later, we were awaken by ,"rip, rip, rip"
Collin had gotten up to go potty, and was stuck to the pads, which Emmie had actually opened up, and the pads were stuck to the floor.
He was so confused and couldn't figure out how to get free from the sticky paper.
It was so incredibly funny. It made the tooth pain totally subside.

Pain

I have a really funny story to share with you. Well, it's funny to me anyway.
But my temporary crown fell out on Saturday and when I tried to readhere it, I put it in wrong. The top of my tooth is exposed, but it hurt so bad that there was no way I was pulling it out to try again.
I go to the dentist this evening. All of this to say, I am in so much pain.
And therefore, the story will have to wait.
Hopefully, I'll be feeling better by tomorrow.

Going completely crazy

My temporary crown is driving me absolutely insane.

I want to rip the stupid thing out.

My mouth hurts and it is just making me nuts. I'm certain if I could rip it out, I'd feel much better. OK, not really.

I certainly hope the real one doesn't feel like this, because feeling this fake thing is driving me nutso!!!

Going out on a limb

Emily had her dreaded VCUG. I talked about this earlier. The test where they cath her and fill her bladder, inject dye, and check for kidney reflux.
Matt checked the results at work today and it says everything was normal.
PRAISE THE LORD!
I really didn't think she would outgrow it that quickly, but she did!
Have to get the official word from the doc, but it looks like the daily antibiotics will come to an end! YAY!!!

Yesterday

As you all know, yesterday Emily had an upper GI. What you may not know is that she is still nursing. She couldn't eat or drink after 7 am. If you've ever nursed a toddler, you know that the last times they give up are at night and first thing in the morning. I was so hoping she would sleep late and it wouldn't be an issue. We weren't so lucky. She woke right around 7. And she cried, and was so upset that she couldn't have her morning comfort.
By 8, I didn't know what to do to distract her, so knew we needed to get in the car and just drive. So, we did.
We made it down the road when Matthew announced that his eye was hurting. His good eye. He said it felt like it was exploding. Then he told me it felt like something was inside it, eating it. Lovely.
In case you don't know, Matthew has glaucoma in the other eye, and just has funky eye problems that pop up and surprise us.
So, we turned around and went home to get him some Tylenol. When I came back to the van, I thought he had gotten out, because I couldn't see him. He was curled up in pain on the passenger seat. I had never seen him in pain like this from his eyes.
Matt had gone into work, but finished up and came home and came with us to the hospital.
On our way there, we called the ophthalmologist to see if Matthew needed to be seen. Of course, he said yes.
Once we got to the hospital, I took Emmie, and Matt took Matthew and the boys to the ophthalmologist. Thankfully, they are about two doors down the hallway from each other.
I was nervous about the upper GI. But Emily did great. She was frozen and didn't budge the entire time. I had told her she was going to take some medicine. She opened her little mouth like a bird and drank that nasty barium.
All we found out is that yes she is refluxing. We already knew that. The pediatrician is concerned about a hernia being the cause of the reflux. So, I think she'll be scoped in the near future. Just have to wait and see.
As for Matthew, the pain went away, and they said it was probably an ocular migraine. But the pressure was way up in the bad eye. We stayed there for hours while they gave him drop after drop to try to get the pressure down. They never did get it down past 32. He'll see his glaucoma doc in two weeks. For now, though, the pain is gone.
Later I had the privilege of getting my temporary crown put in. It was horrible. I hate the dentist and am always in such pain afterwards. I just wanted to curl into a ball last night and run away from the pain.
Today is a new day, and it's sore, but nothing like yesterday.
I feel totally overwhelmed. We still have the science fair on Friday, the concert on Sunday, Matt is preaching in a different church on Saturday, and the dreaded VCUG is tomorrow. What I really want to do is clean out my house. Shovel out all the clutter. But that takes time, and I don't have a lot of that right now!

Beautiful

I was just checking facebook when I heard Collin hollering to Matt. "WHAT IS THAT BEAUTIFUL SMELL?" Matt didn't hear him.
"DADDY..you HAVE to tell me what that beautiful smell is!"
"Ummm, just dinner"
"Well it's BEAUTIFUL"

Bullet post

I don't know where to go with this post, so maybe I'll do a bullet post. Cause those are always such good reading. Ha!

~ We have been busy. We are having a benefit concert next Sunday at our church. We are raising money for the Pathfinders. They are going to an international camporee this summer in Wisconsin. It's been a lot of work and I'm hoping we earn enough to go.

~ I can't tell you how excited I am for the kids to be going to Osh Kosh (the above mentioned camporee). As a Seventh Day Adventist, sometimes you feel like you are the only SDA out there. I imagine as a kid especially. They are counting on 35,000 Pathfinders being there, and I just think it will be such a great experience for the kids.

~ If you want to donate any money to help the kids get there, you can email me at luckiestmomeveratgmaildotcom.

~ Tomorrow Emily has an upper GI. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't know what I'm hoping for. I'm hoping for nothing to be wrong. If they find nothing, then she will go on to be scoped at a later date. I don't want that. I guess what I'm hoping is that if there is something to be found, it will be found tomorrow.

~ Tomorrow, I'm also getting a crown. I know it sounds lame, but I'm terrified. I hate the dentist and put it off at all costs. I know I'm a chicken, but that's ok.

~ Thursday, Emily has a VCUG. This is a test where they catherterize her and shoot dye into her bladder to see if she has kidney reflux. There are five grades, with five being the worst. Last year she had grade three on both sides. I'm not really hopeful that this will have resolved in a year. It would be nice, but I just think she needs to grow more. This test is awful. I am really really not looking forward to this one. I'm thankful that the upper GI is before the VCUG because after the VCUG it is going to be pure hell to get her to cooperate with any doctors. She is just getting over it from a year ago, now we'll restart the cycle.

~ Friday is the science fair. Dillon has grown his bacteria and discovered that our tv power button has the most bacteria on it. Matthew was growing plants in the garage, but something came and ate them! One by one. Now, what is in our garage?!?! He is now testing to see what environment crickets prefer to live in. Matt has the day off tomorrow so will be helping get their boards together.

~ We are busy. It seems there is barely time to breathe. I keep thinking of what Jim Bob Duggar says, "these are the best days of our lives, and we don't even realize it". It's so true. My kids are growing up way too fast. I tell Matt that after this concert, we have to step back from our commitments. We have to be a family and have time to just hang out as a family.

~ FIFTY-FOUR DAYS TILL DISNEY. Enough said!

~ Oh yeah, I almost forgot this one. We got a letter saying that Zachy qualifies for a wish from Make a Wish. So now we need to figure out what once in a lifetime experience he wants to have. This is much harder than you might think! I don't expect anything to happen quickly, but it's great to know things are indeed moving forward.

One more

I forgot I wanted to add this picture.
Sometimes, I'm amazed at the beauty around me. I have to say, Texas has certainly grown on me.
This was the same day, on the bike path.

Fun in the Sun

It has been so beautiful here. In the upper 70s-mid 80s. Perfect weather.
Sunday, we decided it was time for Zachy to ditch his training wheels. We headed off to the bike path on base. It happens to go by a pond, so we parked there and fed the ducks and turtles for a bit.
By the end of the day, Zachy was able to go little distances. He needs to realize that he needs to keep peddling to make things easier. In due time.

Happy Birthday, Baby

Two years ago, our lives changed, once again.
Emily Jean came to us a tiny, red, screaming ball.
Now she is an adorable, happy toddler.
She is my little helper. She especially loves to take the boys' lunch to the table for them, and to help me fold the laundry.
We've had our struggles with her, but as long as her reflux meds are working, she is such a happy little girl.
Her speech could probably be better, but she gets across what she needs to get across.
She has all of us wrapped around her little finger, especially her brothers.
She is my daughter. I never dreamed I'd have a daughter after four sons. She is so different from them, and I love it. She is such a little mommy to her babies.
Time is passing far too quickly, and at the same time, I can't wait to see what the future holds for her.
One thing is certain, we have been so blessed and our lives are so much better with her in them.
Happy Birthday, Bug..I love you more than you can imagine.

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We went to a pizza place Saturday night to celebrate her birthday while Matt was in town.



How did I get such a beautiful daughter??



Yummy...birthday cupcake..




We got her a lot of clothes for her birthday. She held every item up for a picture.



Even the shorts!



What a cutie!



She LOVED the play set there.

Alone

Do you ever feel entirely alone in the world?

Like you are the only one going through trials and tribulations? And you can't show yourself to the world, because you have to appear like everyone else?

Do you ever feel like you are the only one who battles internal demons?

I know this is foolish. I know we all have our own battles. It is so hard to see this when you look around and see anything but people fighting battles. I know other people are struggling. I know other people are beyond stressed. I just feel like I'm the only one who isn't strong enough to handle it. I feel weak. I am weak.

I told Matt the other day that I am weak and have absolutely no idea how in the world I have managed to get through my adult life when it has been almost constant stress. Don't get me wrong, we definitely have our non stressful times. Times when we are just flitting through life without a care in the world. But those times seem so overshadowed by the stress we have endured. I am so grateful to have Matt beside me through the good and bad.

I don't know where this post is going, because really, today is a very good day. Not much stress. There are upcoming tests to be done, which will be stressful, but I'll survive.

And I know that ultimately, maybe I'm not as weak as I feel. I've made it this far, that must say something.

OK, ignore this whole post..it is rambly and doesn't make any sense..and today is a good day...it's just been a stressful week.

YAY Maria!!

My friend, Maria, has a little boy born with the same heart defect as Zachy.
She just told me they got their wish granted through Make-A-Wish and will be headed to Disney in April.
I'm so very happy for them...they deserve some carefree time!!

This is not good

Matt is in Ohio for the week. He will return home late Friday night, be home Saturday, and fly out to Arizona on Sunday. Bleh.
I'm exhausted. Just wiped out. I tell you, this is not a good way to start out single motherhood.
And just in case you were keeping track, my sweet little baby will be TWO on March 3. We will have a little family celebration on Saturday when Matt is home. I have no idea what to get for the little darling, and I'm sad there are no friends to share a party with, but it's ok. We'll have our own little shin dig....as long as I don't die from exhaustion first!

Crazy Busy

It's been hard to sit down long enough to write an entry. I'm not sure I'll get through this one either, but I'll try.
School has us very, very busy. We are starting some new things. Matthew and Dillon are participating in the Science Fair this year, so we've been brainstorming. My sister recommended growing bacteria, of course Dillon jumped on that idea. So he will be doing a bacterial experiment of some sort. And Matthew will be growing plants using different types of lights. I'm excited that they are getting this opportunity. I never participated in a science fair, and honestly don't ever remember our school holding one.
We are also taking a stab at lapbooking.

Lapbooking can be done by any learner-- from preschoolers to adults. With this educational method, you make mini-books covering details that you've studied. After making a variety of mini-books about a larger topic, all the books are put together in a large folder. The finished product is called a lapbook because it's large and covers your lap.

The completed lapbook will serve as a review tool as your children refer to it over and over again. And if you have to keep a homeschool portfolio to document learning each year, lapbooks can be a very impressive addition- from http://www.squidoo.com/lapbooking

I've been wanting to try this for years, but it always seemed like so much work. It is not at all. It's fun! I decided that we would learn about Disney World before our trip. So in addition to our regular schooling, we are doing a study of Disneyland (since it was the original). The kids are having a blast with it, and when we are done, I'll post pictures.

The Pathfinders hosted a valentine's banquet at church to help them raise money for Osh Kosh. They raised about $500, but it was an awful lot of work. Matthew told us that night that he was never going to be a pathfinder director because it was too much work. Poor kid!

Emily is doing better after her last med raise. I think, though, that it won't be too awful long before we have to go up again. I cannot believe that her birthday is right around the corner. March 3 will be here soon, and she'll be 2 years old. How did that happen? She has renewed our love for Sandra Boynton books, especially 'Blue Hat, Green Hat'. They have to be the best books ever written. We've also discovered that she is awfully cute in orange! Who wouldda thunk??

Our healthy living group at church is trucking along, and I'm down 9 pounds. It seems to be going soooo slow. It's frustrating. But with the support of the ladies at church, I'm not giving up!

And finally, please keep Zachy in your prayers. He is back to tiring out easily. I hate that. I assume it will be another adjustment to his pacemaker. I just wonder if it will be a life long thing, this tiredness. He is supposed to see his doctor in May, but I'm going to try to get the appointment in April instead since we will be gone most of May.

Phew! That was long, and it took me a very long time to write it. I had to read books and play a game of Candyland during the writing of this post. Thanks for hanging out with me for this long!

CHD Awareness Week

This has been CHD Awareness week, tomorrow is CHD Awareness day.
I'm reposting the information I posted last year.

~~1 in 85 babies in the US will be born with a CHD. This does NOT include the babies who are lost during pregnancy.

~~CHDs are the most common type of birth defect, and the #1 cause of DEATH from a birth defect

~~CHDS are 2 times as likely and kill 2 times as many children as cancer EVERY YEAR

~~ There are 35 known types of CHDs

~~Most Drs believe that CHD is a genetic defect, but new research shows that mothers who take antidepressants and painkillers while pregnant raise the risk of CHD by 3 times.

~~Many children born with a CHD will not live to see their first birthday

~~CHDs are not always found at birth. Some are found years later. And sometimes after death, when it is too late.

~~CHD can NOT be cured. The heart will NEVER be normal. It must be treated for life.

~~Only one penny of every dollar donated to the American Heart Association goes towards pediatric cardiology research.

So many people do not know about CHDs...it doesn't make the news like cancer does. Why is this? The word needs to get out so that research can be done. Zachy's surgery has only been performed for about 40 years. So much can happen in the future, but research needs to be done!!

Hug your children today, and thank God for their hearts...even if they are special hearts.

Just a quick update on Em

For those of you who have been asking, Emily is still struggling.
She went back to the doc yesterday who increased her reflux meds. The doctor is actually doing a gastro rotation right now and talked with the docs there about Emily. They said to increase her meds two more times, and if no improvement to refer her to them so they can scope her.
I really don't want to have to go down the scoping path, so we are praying that the meds will help.
Part of me thinks maybe she is just a difficult child, but then I remember December and part of November and January. She was so pleasant, and happy. It is really easy to get into the thinking that this has always been and probably always will be, because we are talking one and a half months out of 23 that she has been ok.
So there you go, update on Miss Emily.

Warm Fuzzies

As you may or may not know, Matt and I are very involved in children's ministries in our church.
Matt leads the junior class and pathfinders. I float and cover for Kindergarten and Cradle Roll when the need arises and help lead Adventurers. Until this year, we were VBS directors.
We love being involved with the kids.
Today, a family gave us a card and a little gift (ok it was a big gift..one I am still shocked about) and thanked us for being such a good influence on their kids and that they appreciate us and all that we do.
Wow. Someone cares about what we do.
It makes us feel good!

I need more..

hours in the day? days in the week? Something. I need more time. Don't we all though?
This week I dropped my Bible study. I just couldn't do it anymore. I have something going on almost every night of the week, and it was just too much.
But now, I want to add weight watchers. What a foolish idea. If I don't have time for Bible study, how will I have time for WW? Here's my plan. There is a meeting on Tuesday at 6. I have another meeting at church at 7. Maybe I can just do both, and not see Matt much that night. Ugh, I just don't know.
School is going really, really well these days. It is taking us a lot longer than it used to, but it's going well. We've decided to go four months before taking a break, instead of three. Because our first month back would be May, and we'll be gone for two weeks in May.
Once again, I feel like I have much rumbling around in my brain, but just not getting onto the screen well. Oh well.
Emily may have turned another corner. She has had a hard time, which has been hard on me. She was crying all the time again, and that just gets really, really tiring. But they doubled her reflux meds and she finally seems to be doing better. It's only been two days so I hope I'm not jumping the gun. Time will tell!
Thanks for hanging in with me when I disappear for these long periods, I'm just running out of time!