It's tough to realize you aren't what you thought you'd be

When I use to picture myself as a mom(you know way back before I was a mom), I didn't picture myself like this.
I always thought I'd be the mom that everyone loved. The neighbor kids would love to come over because I was the cool mom. I would bake warm chocolate chip cookies for them. I would cook good home cooked meals that everyone would love. My house would always be nice and neat and clean. I would have the patience of a saint, and I would certainly never lose my temper with my kids, heaven forbid!
But what I am, is completely opposite what I thought I'd be.
I cook nice, home-cooked, healthy meals for my wee ones, and they all complain and turn up their noses. Matt will at least eat my cooking, but I've been married to him long enough to know when he doesn't like the cooking either.
Really, the neighbor kids don't like me all that much, because I'm much too hard on my kids, and it isn't all that fun to come over here. I'm certainly not the cool mom, so far from it, as a matter of fact. I rarely bake cookies. My house is always a pig sty, which Matthew informed me today was like a trash can. He said there are flies and it's always messy. Nice observation! I certainly don't have much patience, and I certainly lose my temper.
I'm not sure I like this mom I am. I'm not sure my kids even like the mom I am.
Although, I have to say, when I pictured the mom I'd be, I never pictured me homeschooling. And I never pictured me sleeping with my kids, or nursing for an extended amount of time. And forget cloth diapers. I was the typical mainstream mom in my dreams. I know for sure I don't want to be a mainstream mom, and am so glad I didn't go that route. I just wish I were a better mom.
And I wonder if maybe the mom thing doesn't really come naturally to me at all. I see mew moms doing a far better job than me, and I think they really have it all together. Here I've been doing this a long time, and I don't have it together.
I pictured myself June Clever. I turned into Roseanne Connor. Why can't there be a happy medium??